Mystery Science Theatre is not mine; I take no credit for the wonder that is MSTing, only the sick and twisted ideas spawned from it. Bishoujo Senshi Sailormoon and all related characters are © 1992 Takeuchi Naoko, Toei Animation, and Kodansha Comics. I decided that even though Nephrite and Naru are one of my least favorite BSSM couples, there were bound to be scores of bad lemons dedicated to the idea that they may have had a wonderful, passionate love affair, had Nephrite lived. Sure enough, I had only to browse around ASMR and FF.Net, and stories bountiful with misinformed sex scenes just begged me to be MSTed. You can all thank me later. Mighty Max is © 1993-1994 Mattel, Canal+DA, Bohbot Entertainment, Film Roman, Bluebird, Incorporated, and Ocean of America (phew!). I'm sorry that the wonderful characters herein have been subjected to this, but Hell, it's all in the name of good fun, bad fanfiction, and chicken references. ______________________________________________________________________ (A blonde-haired boy, aged perhaps twelve or thirteen years, sits clicking away before a computer. It's obvious by the scattered articles of clothing and school supplies hastily chucked in a corner, not to mention the messy sleeping area that we're in his bedroom. Atop his head sits a rather ordinary-appearing red baseball cap with an `M' embroidered on it. . .this is the Capbearer, the all-important Mighty One, destined to save the world with the power of the mystical. . .erm, baseball cap. So, anyways. . .MAX (oh, that'd be his name), is lounging in front of his computer, browsing what appears to be a Sailor Moon fanfiction site. So enraptured is he that he fails to notice the doorknob of his room open, or the fact that VIRGIL, his mentor, and a ten-thousand- year-old chicken (fowl, actually!), and NORMAN, his guardian, a red- haired Viking warrior of about the same age, are now standing about three feet away.) MAX: [Startled by a tap on the shoulder] Whoa! Don't do that, Virg! Hey, how'd you guys get in, anyways? VIRGIL: (dryly, eyes heavy-lidded) Your mother is quite adept at opening the door for visitors. MAX: (nervously) So, um, what brings you two here? VIRGIL: It seems odd to me that there hasn't been any impending doom for nearly a week; Norman and I decided it'd be best if we were close- by, if and when disaster strikes. I- what are you reading, Mighty One? (Virgil peers at the computer screen that Max is fervently attempting to cover.) MAX: Heh. . . NORMAN: (catching the title of the page) "A Sailor Moon Romance;" I didn't know you were into that sort of thing, Mighty One. MAX: [Gulps] Well, y'see, it's for an, um, assignment for English class on, er, the low-quality of romance stories nowadays. Yeah, y'know, `cause there's, like, no originality or plot continuity, just the same types of characters with different titles. VIRGIL: (eyebrow raised) I see; and you chose the adult section of a fanfiction page for stories based on a Japanese cartoon as part of your research? MAX: [Pulls at shirt collar] I. . .um, like Sailormoon --? (Virgil and Norman sigh collectively. Norman pulls up a chair and begins skimming through the list.) NORMAN: Hotaru and Chibiusa?! What's _wrong_ with some of these people?! Oh, hey, here's one featuring Nephrite and Naru. Y'know, I always _did_ like Nephrite: strong, good with a sword, cool hair. . . (Norman begins reading aloud; Virgil appears to be mentally deciding whether he should stay or convince Max's mother to let him help prepare dinner downstairs. Max notices this and nudges the chicken - er, fowl.) MAX: Aw, c'mon, Virg; you can help us evaluate this prime piece of research! (Virgil sighs and joins them. The `fic commences.) >> Nights of Passion: Naru and Nephrite The First Night<< VIRGIL: Technically, Japanese love stories list the `seme' or dominant member of the pair before the `uke' or the submissive one. It _should_ be "Nephrite and Naru." NORMAN: And how do you know Naru's not walking around carrying whips and chains? VIRGIL: [Reddens slightly] Erm. . .let's just continue. >>By Hentai Otaku<< NORMAN: I eat hentai for breakfast! MAX: So does the author, apparently. >> My homepage is at... http://members.tripod.com/~seiko_kun/otaku.html New stories have been added. Check my readme for updates and such.<< VIRGIL: Isn't a "read-me" only supposed to be a basic profile of the author? Updates should be in a separate section completely. MAX: (annoyed) Knock it off, Virg, you're ruining the potential smut! >> SCANS! Yes, scans from "Moonfight" have been uploaded to my page. These scans feature amoung other Naru and Nephrite together after his "death".<< VIRGIL: [Sniffs] I can't help it; errors stick out like a sore thumb to me. "Amoung," by the way, should be "among," and I'm fairly sure it's "Moon Fight." >>More about "Past Lovers Two" and "Nights of Passion, The Second Night" on my page. Enjoy.<< NORMAN: A sequel? MAX: (grimly) _Lots_ of sequels. But, hey, at least it's not "Usagi's Usual Morning." >> Send all comments, compliments, and flames to hentaiotaku@rocketmail.com.<< VIRGIL: If all this self-promotion is any indication as to the quality of the story, I'll certainly adhere to the third one. >> "Naru-chan.", spoke a deep, sensual voice.<< MAX: (to Virgil) Don't say it: Nephrite can't punctuate to save his life, right? (Virgil sighs heavily.) >> Naru's eyes fluttered open knowing that she hadn't heard what she thought she'd heard.<< NORMAN: So. . .a deep, sensual voice _never said_ "Naru-chan" --? >> Naru-chan couldn't believe her eyes.<< MAX: /Naru-chan/ Why can't they be purple? >> Sitting at the foot of her bed, wearing some kind of strange grey uniform was Masato Sanjouin.<< NORMAN: /Naru-chan/ I've gotta tell Momma that we need a better alarm system, or new windows. VIRGIL: In Japan, the family name is always listed first; thus, it should be Sanjouin Masato. Apparently, Hentai Otaku hasn't actually _seen_ the original version of Sailormoon. >> "Naru, I have to leave Tokyo for awhile.", seeing Naru about to question or protest his abscense, he quickly added, "I have to, but before I go I wanted you to know how I feel about you."<< MAX: /Nephrite/ You're, um, a cute kid and all, but all I've been using you for is because your energy is ridiculously bouncy and happy, and I had to save my own ass. But we can still have sex, though! VIRGIL: (exasperated) Where was this author during _his_ English classes?! A comma should never follow directly after a period; "abscense" is spelled "absence," and any half-assed Spell Check device will pick up on that! >>Masato laughed softly, "I actually feel something for you. I can't remember the last time I felt this way about someone."<< NORMAN: /Nephrite/ Oh, wait, it was just this afternoon; some of the youma have _really_ nice legs. >>Nephrite gently took hold of Naru's arms and leaning in close to her face, speaking softly, confessed, "I know you feel the same way about me."<< VIRGIL: [Gurgling indignantly] MAX: That Nephrite. . .what a womanizer, eh, Normy? NORMAN: [Grumbles] He is in the series; this author just can't characterize to save his life. >>"Hai, Masato I do. I really do." "Naru-chan, before I leave I want to express my true feelings to you."<< MAX: `Express my true feelings _to_ you?' That sounds like he's asking Naru permission to take a dump. It should be `_for_ you.' VIRGIL: (distastefully) Could Naru be any more naïve? >>"My mom's right next door. We can't do *that* here.", squeaked Naru.<< NORMAN: [Smirks] Well, she caught the implication pretty quickly. VIRGIL: The author _still_ hasn't redeemed himself: his lack of mechanical accuracy is ludicrous. >>The idea of her mother catching her and Masato having, *you know* in her room sent the young redhead into a near frenzy.<< MAX: If the guy's such an experienced hentai writer, he should be able to describe sexual acts with accurate detail. "You know" sure doesn't fit the bill. >>"Calm down. Don't worry. I'll put a sleep spell on your mother. It won't hurt her and she'll never know anything that we do here."<< VIRGIL: Isn't this similar to "seduction of a minor?" If this were taking place in the United States, Nephrite would be serving at _least_ five-to-ten years behind bars. >>Naru paused for a moment before answering, "Alright. If you're sure your sleep spell will work..."<< NORMAN: /Naru/ As long as I'm going to do something illegal, it's best if I don't get caught. >>"I'm sure.", smiled Neprhite chuckling evilly with confidence.<< VIRGIL: Evil _and_ confident. . .can't go wrong with that combination. >>The sound of his chuckle unnerved and excited Naru-chan. She trusted him, but now knew that there was more to Sanjouin Masato than she had previously seen.<< MAX: /Nephrite, winking/ There's more to me than meets the eye, baby. >>Masato stepped back into Naru's bedroom, quietly closing the door behind him. "She'll be out until I release the spell."<< VIRGIL: Why would someone with _that_ kind of power even need to open doors? NORMAN: The same reason he chooses to walk, even though he can levitate. Because he _can_. >>Masato then began to shrug out of his jacket, "Naru-chan, as you know I'm more than I appear. The "sleep spell" I put on your mother is one of my weaker spells. My real name is Nephrite and I work for the Dark Kingdom. In fact, I'm a general. You know those monsters that Sailor Moon keeps saving you from. The Dark Kingdom is where those monsters come from. Part of the business I need to resolve involves my continuing or not continuing to serve Queen Beryl.<< MAX: /Nephrite/ I'm really a midget with prosthetic limbs, and my blood is green to scare environmentalists. On the weekends, I work part time at Starbucks, and I average about four women a day, not counting the youma or Queen Beryl. You _did_ realize that that's what I meant when I said "serve," right? VIRGIL: Punctuation? >>Naru nodded nervously. She heard everyword he said, but still couldn't quite believe it. Also, having a man, stipped down to his briefs in her bed was proving more than a little distracting.<< NORMAN: I could have sworn he was still clad in his uniform. . . MAX: He stripped while casting the Sleep Spell on Naru's mom. You know, among other things. >>Masato took her face in his hands and placed a passionate, but not crushing kiss on her lips. One hand slipped the ribbon loose from her shoulder length red hair. Naru kissed him back. Her inexperience and hesitancy showed, but her passion came through as well. She ran her fingers through Nephrite's auburn hair. It was so thick and long and silky it made her slightly jealous. Removing one hand from his hair, Naru began to unfastened her pajamas faster than she'd ever imagined possible.<< NORMAN: Not much for foreplay, are they? MAX: How else would Nephrite be able to satisfy so many women? One of the bumper stickers on his car probably reads "less talk, more action." VIRGIL: (mournfully) Where has all the grammar gone. . ? >>Nephrite helped her out of her top and bra<< NORMAN/MAX: Naru wears a bra to bed? >>then wrapped his strong arms around her in a secure and loving embrace. Naru leaned forward and practically crawled into his lap.<< MAX: /Naru/ Daa-daa. . . >>He removed his briefs and helped Naru out of her panties, then laid her back onto her bed.<< NORMAN: I always pictured Nephrite as either a boxers or thong man. . .briefs are more Zoisite's thing. MAX: Providing Zoisite _wears_ any undergarments. >>He smiled sweetly as he placed her legs over his shoulders.<< VIRGIL: O_O;; Nephrite's genitals are attached to his chest? >>Naru looked nervous.<< MAX: Heh. . .so does Virgil. >>He decided the best way to go was to tell the truth,<< NORMAN: I spent a couple of hundred years working in a radiation plant, and it had some bizarre side-effects. . . "Don't worry. I won't hurt you on purpose."<< EVERYONE: Not physically, anyways. >>If your a virgin..." "I am." "..., then this will hurt some at first, but I'll give you far...", he kissed her softly, "...more", another sweetly passionate kiss, "...pleasurable matters to think about.."<< MAX: /Nephrite/ Like the fact that three of the women I slept with earlier tested positive for Herpes. Oh, I love you, by the way. >>Naru's only answer was to "mmm" softly as she wrapped her arms around her lover's neck.<< NORMAN: Naru's a monkey! >>He slid himself into Naru's virgin lovehole as far as he could go without actually penetrating her. In one quick, thrust he broke her hymen and Naru cried out his name while sucking in a sharp breath.<< VIRGIL: We know that the author not only skipped his English lessons, but also Health class. Lesson One: Once something goes in, it classifies as having "penetrated" ; Lesson Two: the hymen is _not_ that far up there; Lesson Three: "love hole" is _much_ too close to "love pole" for comfort. >>He then began to make love to her slowly, sliding in and out as he gently fondled her small, but shapely hips.<< NORMAN: Fondling her. . .hips? I don't think I've heard that one, before. . . >>Naru had never experienced so many sensations, such pleasurable sensations. Her hips rocked in time with him. Her hands slid across his tanned shoulders as he caressed her hips and breasts.<< VIRGIL: We never _did_ figure out how Nephrite could have penetrated her with her legs around his shoulders. . . MAX: Sometimes, it's best not to ask, Virg. >>"Oh god", she moaned as his thumb stroked a small pert nipple.<< NORMAN: /Narrator/ One of ten small, pert nipples. Naru, you see, was a human/cocker spaniel hybrid, and due to have puppies any day, now. >>Nephrite smiled at his lovers reaction. Her breasts were modest, but symmetrical. They were round and pert and responded to his caresses immediately.<< VIRGIL: Still unable to utilize the proper punctuation, I see. MAX: (annoyed) Virg, will you. . .well, I guess it's as much of a turn-on as describing how symmetric someone's breasts are. >>He kissed, licked, and sucked her deliciously pink nipples as his young lover gasped and writhed beneath him.<< NORMAN: I eat nipples for breakfast! >>Eventually, he knew that it was time to step matters up and began to increase his tempo. Faster and faster, deeper and deeper, he pushed his hard manhood into her. Naru-chan for her part tried not to faint. She loved him. She loved *this*.<< MAX: ". . .tried not to faint." That's got to be one of the most accurate descriptions of Naru-chan in this entire story! >>They climaxed together. For a moment earth, the dark kingdom and the universe all came together there in an adolescent girl's bedroom, above a jewelry store in Tokyo.<< NORMAN: They _came_ together. . .get it!? VIRGIL: Somehow, I don't think Naru and Nephrite's midnight romp has anything to do with the fate of the universe. >>Naru-chan forced herself to get up. While, Nephrite was relieving himself, she stripped and changed her bed in record time. Nephrite came out and began to get dressed.<< MAX: At least Nephrite's got the sense to put clothes on before going outside. . . >>"Before you release the spell I need to put the sheets in the wash and take a quick shower.", called out Naru. She didn't want her Mother to hear the washing machine or the water running for her shower.<< VIRGIL: And we couldn't deduce that from Naru's suggestions. . .the author must think that everyone reading this is as gullible as she is! >>"Go ahead.", Nephrite called over his shoulder. She dashed off to start the wash. Naru came back dressed with slightly damp hair.<< NORMAN: /Naru-chan/ Tee hee; I wanted to see the washer machine spin around and around. >>Nephrite had waited. He wanted to say good-bye properly. That was the whole idea of his being here tonight afterall.<< MAX: You mean, it wasn't because he needed a quick lay? >>"Naru, I am sorry that I couldn't spend more time with you. I'll be back later, but I didn't want to just disappear out of your life. Not without telling you this, I *will* be back."<< NORMAN: /Nephrite/ Unless I die or something. You know the drill. >>"I believe you Masato-san.", replied Naru as she kissed and embraced him one last time.<< VIRGIL: [Scoffs] You _would_. >>Nephrite tucked Naru back in. He placed a quick, but passionte kiss on her cheek as he settled her in with a light sleep spell before going to remove the one, he'd placed on her mother.<< MAX: /Narrator/ He then grabbed her panties and went on his merry way to add another tally mark to his already lengthy list of easy lays. >>He then walked out of her life, maybe forever. No he'd be back. He'd promised her that. There *would* be other nights.<< NORMAN: Providing Naru-chan was into ghosts. MAX: Nice sentiment. So, what do you make of the whole thing, Virg? VIRGIL: [Grimaces] It was terrible! There were 19 spelling/grammar/punctuation errors, not counting possible changes to sentence structure. The plot, or lack thereof, was very cut and dry, and I don't think it was possible to have Nephrite come across as any more of a pedophile! NORMAN: (soothingly) Calm down, Virgil. You know what these outbursts can do to your blood pressure. (Max's mom announces that dinner is ready downstairs.) MAX: Heh. . .come on, you guys, mom made her famous barbeque chicken, tonight. VIRGIL: Excuse _me_?! NORMAN: (amused) Mighty One, I strongly advise you to run, like, now. (Max laughs and slides down the banister, the chicken - er, fowl - close behind. Norman grins, shakes his head, and disconnects Max's computer from the internet, then hurries to catch the action.) ______________________________________________________________________ THE CLINCHER: They climaxed together. For a moment earth, the dark kingdom and the universe all came together there in an adolescent girl's bedroom, above a jewelry store in Tokyo. Back to the Index