The SparkleStar 2000 Auto-Cook is one of the most sophisticated devices in the universe. It is able to, from just basic food products, prepare any number of dishes from the mundane to the exquisite. You could, by use of this marvelous device, enjoy a breakfast of poached eggs, home fries and fresh pastries, a club sandwich and cold mexican-style beer for lunch, a dinner worthy of the finest five-star restaurant... or, if you wish, a simple cheeseburger. The SparkleStar 2000 Auto-Cook is a masterwork. It is a marvel. It is a triumph of technology. It is also, as Craxton was quickly learning, almost impossible to use. "A CHEESEBURGER, god dammit! Just give me a fucking CHEESEBURGER!!" "You request is not recognized." the Auto-Cook responded in that tauntingly cheerful tone often used by machines that are giving you trouble. "A Cheeseburger! Look, it's a simple, common cafeteria dish consisting of a grilled beef patty, on a bun, with melted cheese. Usually served with french fries, potato chips or pickles. Is THAT in your data banks, you stupid..." "Garnished with sliced tomato and lettuce?" Craxton sighed. Finally, he thought. "Yes, that's it." The machine seemed to think for a second while Craxton calmed down. "Your request is not recognized." Craxton promptly quit calming down and got worked up again. "A CHEESEBURGER, you fucking machine!" he started pounding on the control panel. "I just want a mother fucking CHEESEBURGER!! Is that so much to ask, you rusty-circuited Microsoft reject?!?!" "Your request is not recognized." "FUCK YOU!!!" "You request is not recognized." As Craxton contemplated how to best rip the machine into unusable fragments, he heard a soft giggling from behind. He turned around to face Mio, who looked rather amused. "It helps to know how it works, Craxton." Boldly she stepped up to the machine. "Lunch menu." she said into the speaker. "Accessing..." It said. Then, a few minutes later, "Good afternoon, Miss Sayaka. Displaying lunch menu for time period..." "Right, right. Give me a BLT with chips and pickles, and a Cheeseburger with fries for Craxton." "Charge against your account?" "Yes." "Preparing your order. Please wait." "Thank you." She turned to her winged companion with a wry grin on her face. "Simple, see?" Craxton felt a big drop of sweat rolling down the back of his head. "Yeah, I guess so..." Mio laughed. "Relax, you're new here. This stuff will happen." Over lunch, Craxton took the opportunity to pick Mio's brain for any information about their situation. "Any idea where this place is? Or why the Dark Figure is keeping us here?" Mio shook her head no. "Not a clue. Although what he said yesterday seems to suggest that, whatever it is, you are an integral part of it." As an afterthought, she added "Any luck getting your memory back?" "None." Craxton replied. "All I remember is feeling... intense pain, like I had just been hit with an attack that should have killed me. But..." "But instead, you wound up here. With complete memory loss." "Maybe not 'instead...'" A worried expression crossed Craxton's face. Mio was interested. "What do you mean?" "Mio..." he said, "Do you think this place could be... hell?" Mio stifled a laugh and shook her head no. "Impossible." "What makes you so sure?" Mio looked left, then right, then leaned forward, as if to tell a secret. "In my room," she said, "I have a vibrator under my pillow." Craxton blinked. "What?" "I have a vibrator under my pillow, and it serves me very well." "Oh. Umm... so..." Mio sighed. "I have a vibrator under my pillow, and it serves me well. In hell, that would not be permitted. I would not be allowed to experience any kind of pleasure, because hell is a place of ultimate pain and suffering. However, I can experience pleasure here, therefore this place cannot be hell. Right?" Craxton considered the logic for a minute. "I guess..." "Hey, don't take my word for it. Try it yourself tonight. I'll even lend you the vibrator, if you want." she smiled. "Although I doubt it will be as effective for you." Craxton laughed. "You're probably right." Ther was a long pause. The only sounds present in the cafeteria were the chewing and the persistant background hum of machinery that permeated the complex. After a while, Craxton broke the silence. "So, what do you think the Dark Figure's going to send us next time?" Mio shrugged. "Don't know. But I have a feeling it'll be..." She was interrupted when a loud tone blared over the loudspeakers. "Incoming call. All subjects, report to conferance room." Craxton rose from his seat. "Well, I guess we're about to find out." --------------------------------- MYSTERY HENTAI THEATER UNCENSORED Episode 102: Dark Kingdom Double Feature: Beryl's Needs and Enemies become Lovers by Craxton Comments are welcome. Email C&C to craxton@erols.com Disclaimers and such: Mystery Science Theater 3000 copyright Best Brains, Inc. Mio Sayaka copyright myself, I guess, based on characters copyright JAST interactive and JAST USA, as well as Eros comics. Hyena copyright David Owe. Mog copyright SquareSoft, Inc. No insult or injury intended to any of the above mentioned parties. Nor do I intend to profit from the use of their characters. "Beryl's Needs" is the property of Hentai Otaku, and he's quite welcome to it. No insult or injury is intended towards Hentai Otaku by the MiSTing of his work. "Enemies become Lovers" is the property of Miss ParaPara, and she may also keep it. No insult or injury is intended towards Miss ParaPara by the MiSTing of her work. The following tale is rated NC-17 and has not been censored. You have been warned. Enough legal crap, on with the show! --------------------------------- Once everyone had gathered in the conferance room, Mio opened the channel to the Dark Figure, greeting him with her characteristic charm. "What's up, asshole?" "Ah, Mio. So *NICE* to see you again." "What do you mean 'again?' For all I know, you're little hidden cameras are spying on us constantly." "Perhaps they are, Mio. Perhaps they are. Still, that didn't stop you from proving last night that my little architechtual masterpiece was not, in fact, hell, did it?" Mio glared bullets at him but said nothing. "Well, did it?" "Yeah, yeah, I get your point." "Do you? I don't think you do, Mio. See, I'm the bad guy here. I don't WANT to be the bad guy, I'd rather be your friend, but right now, it's neceessary for me to be your enemy. So, as long as I have to be the bad guy, I might as well have fun doing it." he leaned back in his chair. "A point was brought up by my fellow fellow man-behind-the-curtain Moltar, and it bears repeating: 'Being a villian is a thankless job, but you always have more fun along the way.'" "This is sounding disturbingly like a segue." said Craxton. "Quite observant, Craxton. Yes, you're right, it is indeed a segue. A rather clumsily executed one, perhaps, but a segue nonetheless. Your assignment today is a pair of Sailor Moon lemons concerning themselves with just that- bad guys having fun." "Oh, great." said Mio. "We're not getting any tentacle crap, are we?" "No, no tentacles." "Senshi rapes, then?" "Nope." Mio looked a bit intriguied. He wasn't giving them a break, was he? "Self-Insertions?" "Uh-uh." "Chibi-Usa?" "Wrong again." "Nose lovin'?" "Good heavens, no. Even *I* have limits." Mio thought for a moment. "Well, then, how bad could it be?" The Dark Figure smiled behind his cowl and a hint of menace crept into his voice. "Mio, my dear, you of all people should know that gimmicks do *NOT* make a sex scene." Mog shivered involuntarily. "Enjoy." said the Dark Figure, and closed down the link. [7...6...5...4...3...2...1...] (The MHT crew files in and take their seats. Left to right: CRAXTON, MIO, HYENA, MOG) > Beryl's Needs > By Hentai Otaku > My homepage is at... > http://members.tripod.com/~seiko_kun/otaku.html CRAXTON: And it's full of crappy lemons like this one. DARK FIGURE: (via loudspeaker) Well, they're not all that bad... > PAGE UPDATE: > I made a BIG MISTAKE. My page was not displaying > *at all* on Netscape. I always check my page on both > Internet Explorer and Netscape, but the one time I don't > see what happens. > > My page has been updated... > --All of my stories to date are up. > --Scans of Moonfight are up (I bought a new volume.) > --Screenshots from a new hentai movie I bought are up. > --I REDESIGNED my page...it has new graphics and > everything. > --More about "Past Lovers Two" and > "Nights of Passion, The Second Night" > on my page. > > Enjoy. MIO: Not bloddy likely. > * * * * > > Send all comments, compliments, and > flames to hentaiotaku@rocketmail.com. CRAXTON: Insert you favorite Flame-mail riff here. * * * * > "Jaedite what am I doing in here? What are *you* doing > in here?", Queen Beryl asked. HYENA: *zips up pants* Uh, nothing my queen... no, not a thing... zero, zip, zilch, nada... *whistles innocently* > She was displeased (to say > the least) at finding herself in her bed, with her general > sitting beside her. MOG: *GASP* YOU'RE not Zoicite! CRAXTON: Now THAT would be an interesting pair for a lemon. MIO: What?! CRAXTON: Well, come on, how do you think Zoi got to the rank of General? It certainly wasn't his combat skills... > "You fainted." (ALL blink cluelessly) > "I what?" CRAXTON: My thoughts exactly. > "You fainted. About 10 feet from your private suite. > I caught you then carried you in here.", Jaedite answered. MOG: OOF! Damn... when she wakes up I'm going to tell her about this marvellous human invention called "Slim-Fast." > "Your youma attended to you, MIO: The ax-handed one wanted to give you a sweedish massage, but I figured that would be a bad idea... > but I stayed to guard you > in case it was an attach or something." MOG: "Attach?" CRAXTON: Those mages are very cunning- you could be talking to one idly, and all of a sudden, *BOOM*, you break out in paperclips. MIO: Wow! Very obscure, Craxton! CRAXTON: Is it? I just kinda pulled it out of a hat... > , Jaedite looked > sincere enough, but more than a little uncomfortable. HYENA: Seeing as those tight pants were crushing his quickly expanding... (MIO slaps him across the back of the head) MIO: We haven't gotten to the hentai just yet, Hyena... > Queen Beryl looked over her second youngest general > trying to determine if she was indeed seeing what she > thought she was seeing. MIO: Yep, it's my second youngest general alright. MOG: Where's the FIRST one when you need a good screw? > He was embarrassed. The > queen of the Negaverse CRAXTON: That's DARK KINGDOM!! Damn you DiC!! > took in her own state of disorder > and knew why. HYENA: Clothes torn to shreds, blankets in disarray, and a face plastered with... (MIO slaps him) > Her attendents had wisely unfastened > and loosened her skin tight dress. HYENA: Skin-tight? CRAXTON: Yeah. I always wondered how she walks in it. MIO: Who needs to walk when you can float or teleport? > She was covered > more or less decently, but if Jaedite had indeed stood > guard and not taken his eyes off of her, CRAXTON: Frankly, Beryl does not quite have a body *I* could stare at endlessly. MIO: Well, humanoid porn is probably in short supply in a society of youmas and demons and such. > then he had > probably seen more of his queen than he was accustomed to. MOG: Hmmm.... I always wondered if those were authentic or not... (MIO slaps HYENA) MIO: Pass it on. (HYENA slaps MOG, who giggles instinctively) > "May I be excused?", Jaedite requested. > Queen Beryl snapped, "No. Not yet. MIO: Finish your peas, young man! > I must here more > about this. Are you sure I wasn't under attack?." > > "Quite sure my queen. CRAXTON: You were, however, very much under "attach". HYENA: Frankly, I thought the handcuffs were a bit much, but... (MIO slaps him) Hmm... your reaction time is good today, Mio. MIO: Shut up and stop acting like an idiot. CRAXTON: He's just being himself... > In fact, I think I know what caused > it. It was probably a combination of those carbonated drinks > you drank and your dress. The drinks made you expand a bit, > and that doesn't allow much room for you to expand. It fits > you perfectly.", ALL: ... CRAXTON: Okaaaaay... So, the great Queen of the "Negaverse" and most powerful black sorceress in all creation is thwarted by a glass of champagne and a tight dress. Who's buying this? (no hands are raised) > Jaedite stopped there and blushed profusely. CRAXTON: See? Even he doesn't believe it, and it's his theory. > Beryl didn't whether to smile or scream. He was really > embarrassed. MIO: *SCREAM!!* Oh my god! My generals actually have emotions! > Beryl knew that Jaedite was definately > not a virgin, CRAXTON: *sigh* That call girl I set him up with was such a waste of money... > but then again when around her all of her > generals acted a bit flustered. MOG: It occurred to her that she might want to stop wearing the lacy white lingerie under the skin-tight black dress. It wasn't terribly villianous... > They saw her as a > woman, a very attractive sexy woman, but felt that > they shouldn't see her that was, because she was their > queen. MIO: And we all know queens are suppossed to be hideous, ugly old hags... > It was improper and impossible, but hell Beryl > had needs. MOG: What about my needs? Huh? What about my desires, my dreams? WHAT ABOUT BERYL?!?! WHAT ABOUT ME?!?!? HYENA: Whoa, whoa! Mog, calm down! You're channelling Raven again... > She hadn't had any since the Silver Millenium > and was more than a little frustrated. MIO: Okay, I call no way on this! Even a frigid, venemous bithc cannot go one thousand years without any release! She'd be ready to screw anything by now! HYENA: Looks like she about to do that just now... CRAXTON: Hey, Jadeite's not that big a wuss. HYENA: Yes he is. CRAXTON: ... Well... yeah, I guess so... > The answer to all > of her frustrations sat in front of her, if she could just get > him to... What was she thinking? MIO: Some advice, Beryl. Close your eyes and think of the Dark Kingdom. > She was queen. She > could command him to make love to her. CRAXTON: *whip cracking sound* Call me queen, ungrateful wretch! *whip cracking soud* Good! Now lick my boots! > "Jaedite, dismiss my attendents and lock the door. I > wish to confer with you in private.", Beryl purred. MOG: *rolls eyes* Villainesses don't purr. They don't even growl friendly-like. > Beryl's change in mood was not lost on her attending > youma or her general. MOG: Heh heh heh heh, Heh heh heh heh, Hey, dude, Jadeite's about to score! HYENA: Huh huh huh huh, Yeah, Beavis. Huh huh huh huh, wonder if he'll let us watch... > Jaedite did as told and then did as told... MOG: The Department of Redundancy Department strikes again... > * * * * CRAXTON: Four stars? In your dreams, author... > The queen of the negaverse bucked and pumped beneath > her equally straining general. MIO: Ah, excuse me? Beryl on the bottom? I think not. HYENA: This from a woman who thinks a female in a position of political authority would get off best on anal sex and rape fantasies? MIO: Shut up. > Jaedite assumed that his > queen would want his best and gave it to her. MOG: Baby, you know I can give it to you... CRAXTON: Weak, Mog. MOG: Hmph! (crosses arms, looks affronted. HYENA rakes the opportunity to comfort him.) > His member, > far thicker and longer than any humans, MIO: *rolls eyes* But of course... CRAXTON: Bad porno cliche #1 > pistoned in and out > of his superiors lovebox as he kissed the length of her neck > and his hands caressed her breasts and buttocks. MOG: When'd he grow four arms? CRAXTON: Maybe he knows Shiyoken. > His mouth > dipped down to lick, suck, and kiss, his queens hard, hot > nipples. CRAXTON: Ohhhh... turn around... you're so much better at kissing my ass... (The others groan) > Beryl moaned and gasped each time he lightly > pulled at her pointed flesh. HYENA: Careful, Jadeite. You don't want to poke an eye out. > Jaedite had to hold his new > lover down as he pumped in and out, deeper and harder, > stronger and faster. MIO: Let's see... Deeper, harder, stronger, faster... he seems to have covered everything except "louder." CRAXTON: Louder? MIO: Yeah. You've got to add enthusiasm to your moans and screams, or the scene isn't worth crap. CRAXTON: Oh... > He thought she'd never get enough > of him. The way her hungry slit gripped and pulled at his > lovestaff CRAXTON: What are you worried about? It only does 1d3 damage! > he could barely hold back his own passions. > Finally, he witnessed his lover's orgasm. MOG: Ohhhhh, so THAT'S what an orgasming woman looks like! I never knew that... > She frooze then > shuddered as a wave of pure passion hit her. MOG: Screaming "Lovely!" she disintegrated into nothingness, leaving behind only a small, white egg that cracked open, releasing a puff of smoke that quickly disperesed. CRAXTON: So what's on DBZ? > Jaedite then > unleashed his own passions and collapsed across her. > >* * * * HYENA: WHAT?! That's IT?! THAT'S the extent of the lemon in this fic? MIO: Apparently. What the author lacks in skill, he makes up for in speed. > "What happened to Beryl? I heard she passed out.", asked > Zoisite as Jaedite came into the generals' lounge, CRAXTON: Apparently, someone slipped a combination sedative/aphrodisiac into her drink and... MIO: Craxton, don't make me slap you. > "I heard > that afterwards you had a private conference with you. It > lasted for five hours." MIO: Which translated into about sixteen lines of written text... HYENA: What a rip-off! > "She fainted and we tried to figure out why. She required > me to attend to her needs and I did so.", Jaedite replied stifly. CRAXTON: Keep this out of the tabloids, got it? > "Her needs?", Zoisite stood mouth open letting Jaedite's > answer soak in, MIO: Nyahh, Nyahh! *pbbbbbbbttttt!!!!!* > "Oh, well...um. Oh, Ooookay." Both generals then changed the subject. > * * * * HYENA: Good idea. Let's move on to something with appeal... (DARK FIGURE'S laughter suddenly and inexplicably fills the room) CRAXTON: That's not a good sign... > Enemies Become Lovers > By: Miss ParaPara HYENA: Hi, ParaPara! And on behalf of all fanboys everywhere, thank you for giving us the Teenaged Chibi-Usa! CRAXTON: Somehow, I don't think it's *that* ParaPara... > E-mail suggustions, comments, ect to > > This fanfic is very hentai, so don't read if you are under age and all > that > crap. MIO: You know, I've never understood this "age limit" crap. How many people have lost their virginity before the age of eighteen? Were you a clueless virgin at eighteen? Anyone? Neither was I. And it's not like it stops anyone from reading anyway... CRAXTON: Well, that's what you get for living in a society decended from Puritans. > The characters it's about are two of ParaPara's favorite Negaverse > generals, Zoicite & Neflite. In the story they stop their fighting for > once and finally become " close" friends. (ALL stare dumbfounded) MIO: You've GOT to be kidding me! Zoicite and Nephrite HATED each other! Not hate as in "teasing the little girl on the playground because you secretly have a crush on her", hate as in "where can I get a good alibi?" HYENA: Nephrite, honey, I didn't *MEAN* it when I impaled you through the chest with a half-dozen energy-sucking thorns... > ParaPara says enjoy! MIO: Mio Sayaka says no until you come up with a less ludicrous pairing! CRAXTON: Calm down, Mio. maybe this... (remembers DARK FIGURE'S ominous laughter and trails off) > .............................................................. > > > Enemies Become Lovers By Miss ParaPara > > ............................................................... > > Zoicite stood in her room thinking what to do. It was such a > boring day! MOG: I guess I *could* go out and look for that "Silver Emprium thingamajig" the queen wants so badly... > Malachite was off training some youma and wouldn't be back to see her > for three days. CRAXTON: Oh crap. This woman is certified dubbie. HYENA: What makes you say that? CRAXTON: Look. She refers to "Malachite" and calls Zoicite "her." MOG: Well, Zoi always WAS way too bish for his own good... > Zoicite hated the fact that Malachite was always busy with > Queen Baryl's assigned duties. CRAXTON: Is it me, or did she just call her "Queen Barrel?" HYENA: Well, she HAS been putting on a bit of weight lately... > Because Malachite was Queen Baryl's most > highest general HYENA: YAAAAAYYY!!! I'm the most highest general in the Negaverse! YAAAAYYY!! YAYYYYYY!! > and being the most physical strongest youma in the Negaverse, > he was always busy training others. HYENA: Now, when those meddlesome Sailor Scouts appear -and they WILL appear, mark my words- stop what you're doing and listen to their petty little speeches, to show that they can't intimidate you. Then charge into a foolish, headlong attack to show you can do that intimidation thing too. If they try and counter with their own attacks, take it like a man, you're expendable... > Zoicite felt like she never had anytime > with her lover anymore, and the time they did have was usually wasted. HYENA: MalachIIIIIIITE!! I wanna cuddleeeeee!!! MIO: Watch it, Hyena... > Malachite would want to watch t.v. or nerd on his computer. (ALL facefault) MOG: Okay, first off, I'm not sure they even have working electricity in the Dark Kingdom, let alone TV, and second, I have NEVER seen a Zoicite- Kunzite scene where they were NOT clinging all over one another. > He especially > liked to spend his free time thinking up new plans to destroy the > Sailor > Scouts and get the Silver Crystal. CRAXTON: Hmmm... I guess I COULD scrap these one-at-a-time attacks and send several youmas at once to attack the city, thus splitting the scouts' ranks and making then easier to overcome... Nah... > Malachite used to be different when he > first met Zoicite, which was when Zoicite was a general in training. CRAXTON: Of course, we all know Zoi fell asleep during his/her lessons and just took the Cleopatra path to the top... > He told > her she was the prettiest creature in all the universe. MIO: And she bought it?! My god, that has to be the oldest line in the book... > Malachite was fun and > lovable HYENA: *sigh* Listen, Malachite, pal, "fun" and "lovable" are words applied to men that are about to be dumped. On their asses. MOG: Wait a minute, you say I'm fun all the time! HYENA: (sweatdrop) Umm... MOG: And you're calling me "lovable" every night! (tears well up in his eyes) Do you mean to say I... I... HYENA: Uh, no, of course not Mog, I didn't mean... (MIO and CRAXTON giggle quietly to themselves) > and even asked Baryl for some free time so he and Zoicite could have > sex. (ALL facefault again) CRAXTON: Excuse me, m'queen, but I'd like to ask you, right here in front of your entire court, if I may have some time off to boink the most beautiful gender-indeterminate person in the Negaverse. > Baryl knew how important sex was to all her youma and usually let > Malachite have a break from the training. (ALL facefault yet again) HYENA: You know what, forget it. I'm just going to stay down here. (The others climb back into their seats) > Now Zoicite had > gone two months without sex! She couldn't take much more of this. MOG: Oh, what a time to misplace that lovely hot pink vibrator Malachite gave me last year... > " Hey Zoicite," called a voice, who had just walked into the room, HYENA: (from the floor) Since when does Magic Voice get parts in Sailor Moon lemons? >" I > saw some blonde pussy hairs on the bathroom floor. CRAXTON: You know, for an evil society, the Dark Kingdom is surprisingly open about sexuality... > Were you shaving that fish > factory." The voice laughed. MIO: You son of a... I don't have to take this! PINK SUGAR PETAL ATTACK!! CRAXTON: Ugh. >_< Nasty picture in my head, Mio. MIO: Well, it should by all rights be about as effective... > " Fuck off, Neflite!" MOG: You have the gall to say you taste more like regular Nef?! > Zoicite replied nastily. She had always been > envy of Neflite. CRAXTON: Wha? Zoicite is the envy of Nephrite? MIO: Well, sure, Nephrite has more power, more respect, more competance, and could kick Zoicite's ass to Guatamala and back in a fair fight, but Zoicite's got Malachite! MOG: Who, by the logic of this fic, is a frigid heel who would rather watch TV then... It still doesn't make any sense. > He was liked by Baryl and was close friends with Malachite. HYENA: (still from the floor) *Very* close friends, wink, wink, nudge, nudge. (MIO kicks him in the head) OW! Mio! MIO: Well, get back up here, then! You're out of slapping range down there. > She would have to let him know that wasn't her hair. MOG: Actually, I'd say she'd have to let him know that because he just insulted her. But, whatever... > " Those are Jedite's hairs. HYENA: (back in his seat now) Umm, since when does Jadeite have pussy hair? CRAXTON: Oh, great. Now not only is DiC changing genders... > God you are so stupid, Nef. Now get out!" MOG: Big meany! WAAAAAAAHHH!! > Zoicite laid on the bed, facing the wall. Neflite could sense that > Zoicite > wasn't herself. MIO: Huh? You're not Zoicite! Zoicite is a MAN! Imposter! > She usually is more nasty and thinks up better names than > just " stupid". Neflite had a feeling he knew what the problem was. HYENA: Hot dog! She's gonna be easy pickings tonight! (MIO slaps HYENA) > " You miss Malachite don't you? Don't worry when he gets back you > will have a cock to suck." Neflite decided to be nice to Zoicite since > he could see she was upset. MIO: (sweatdrop) Somehow, I don't think that's the best thing to say to a distraught woman. CRAXTON: You call that nice?! Prepare for pain, Nephrite! > Zoicite turned to face Neflite. > > " He won't let me suck it!" She began to cry. CRAXTON: ...or not. HYENA: (sighs) Hello, floor, how 'ya been? (ALL facefault except CRAXTON) > " Oh Zoicite, it's O.K. Mal's just under a lot of stress lately. > I'm sure things will go back to the way they were after he returns. > And if not I think it's time you found another man." MOG: Say, for example, one who will someday try to steal your job and wind up in a deadly feud with you... HYENA: Wouldn't you like to have a NORMAL relationship for once? > Neflite was surprised at how nicely > he had spoke to her. CRAXTON: Who the hell wrote this script? My agent's gonna get a piece of my mind... > Not at all like their normal conversations, which were > fights. > > Zoicite was also surprised that he was actually being nice to her. MIO: Nephrite, you're not trying to trick me, are you? CRAXTON: Er... ah... no, of course not! MIO: Really? CRAXTON: Yes, yes, I'm certain. MIO: Then what's that poking sensation in my back? CRAXTON: Erm... That's... um... just... My fingers!! Yes, It's my fingers searching for... ah... your spinal erogenous zones!! yeah... MIO: 0_o Are you sure? CRAXTON: Yes, yes, quite sure. It's my fingers, nothing more. Not a knife. No, definately not a knife... > She looked at Neflite for a long while and noticed he looked somewhat > like Malachite. HYENA: Someone's got her beer goggles on... MOG: Oooooh, Malachite, your roots are showing... *hic* > He had the same muscular build and general uniform, except > Malachite had a cape MOG: I'm SUPERGENERAL!! *fanfare* > and he left the top button of his uniform unbuttoned.. HYENA: And you should too, honey. Do wonders for your career... (MIO smacks HYENA) CRAXTON: Yeah, right, Hyena. Zoicite's A) a man in the *TRUE* series and B) flatter then Lina Inverse. MIO: Don't YOU start... > But Neflite was even more handsome with his long auburn hair and deep > blue eyes. Zoicite had always had a secret crush on Neflite, but only > fought and bitched at him so her true feelings never shown. CRAXTON: Grrr... (stands) We've been OVER this! Secret crushes drive people to shouting matches, insults, and practical jokes! They do NOT drive people to acts of sabotage and murder! Get you fucking facts straight!! HYENA: Complain about the normal facts now. The fucking facts... (CRAXTON leaps past MIO, grabs HYENA by the face, and slams the back of his head into the seat) CRAXTON: HYENA NO BAKA!!! HYENA: @_@ > She pretended to hate him, > but deep inside she really wanted him. (HYENA mumbles something half-intelligable about "deep inside" as CRAXTON sits, snarling.) > Zoicite could feel the wetness in her > panties as she thought of what it would be like to have Neflite in her > pussy. HYENA: @_@ The juish ish loosh > Neflite came closer to Zoicite. Zoicite could see that Neflite had > a erection through his pants. MIO: I've got a bananna in my pants. Want it? > Did I make him hard? She thought to herself. Does > he really think I'm sexy? I want sex! Please God let Neflite fuck me! CRAXTON: Oh, get a life, lady. Don't come crying to me if Nehprite doesn't fall for you as hard as every other man in the Negaverse. > She began to rub her pussy through her pants. Right in front of > Neflite! MIO: Mmmmm... oh... yeah... Go on, Nephrite, you were saying? > As she did this she groaned and made little pleading sounds. MIO: Oh, please, please, please take the hint and go away... > Neflite grabbed Zoicite's hand that was rubbing herself. He then > started to take off her clothes. HYENA: Then he got a look at her non-existant tits, and all the libido just drained away... > Zoicite couldn't believe what was happening! > Her worst enemy and secret crush was going to fuck her. CRAXTON: In two sentances, the author has just summed up the entire absurdity of this fic. Can we leave now? MIO: No. > " Neflite," she said," I'm going to have to show you that pussy > hair wasn't mine." MOG: HA! See, I don't even own a cat! > She kissed Neflite on the lips as he started to take off her belt. > > Soon she was completely naked. Neflite studying her nude body and > liked what he saw. MOG: Marvelous! You look almost like the Venus D'Milo! In fact... *sound of bones breaking and flesh tearing* Now you look EXACTLY like the Venus D'milo! CRAXTON: Ugh... tone the darkness factor down a bit, Mog... > Zoicite had honey blonde colored hair on her pussy. HYENA: Honey without, honey within. *licks lips* > It was the right > amount too, not shaved and not hairy. Neflite cupped her small breasts >in his hands. > > " They are so small!" he exclaimed. MOG: *THWAP!* *THWAP!* *BAM!* Listen to me, seriously! > He was worried Zoicite would take offense so he added," They will fit > in my mouth perfectly." He then started to suck Zoicite's right breast. CRAXTON: Ma-ma! > While he did this his hands traveled all over > Zoicite's soft, smooth body. MIO: Mmmm... soft as a pillow, smooth chest, smooth ass, smooth stomach... no legs... wait a minute... > When his fingers reached her pussy, he stuck a finger in. MOG: Damn... that really WAS a bananna in your pocket. > Zoicite groaned in pleasure and moved closer so the finger would > be pushed up farther. > " Oh, Neflite this feels wonderful!" she exclaimed through her > groans. Neflite stopped and took his finger out of Zoicite. > > > " What the hell did you stop for!" She exclaimed angrily. CRAXTON: I suddenly realized just how ludicrous this set-up is. Call me back after I drink myself to the edge of a coma. > " Because I have a surprise for you." he answered. HYENA: DiC screwed with MY gender too! CRAXTON: GAH! Hyena! Horrid mental picture! >_< > He quickly undressed and a huge ten inch cock was exposed. Zoicite was > shocked! MIO: Bull. Nephrite's only seven. CRAXTON: Ummm, how would you know? MIO: It was on his resume. CRAXTON: 0_o ?!?! MIO: Oh, don't give me that look. We met briefly at an audition for Divi-Dead, that's it. He made the cut, I didn't. *chuckles* Leave it to Neph to get a major part in a hit hentai game, and then NOT have sex in it. > " You're huge!" she exclaimed. Neflite started to rub his huge > cock over Zoicite's lips. MOG: You sure know how to make a woman feel like a sex object. > Zoicite got a small taste of a drip of sperm that was on > the tip. She liked the taste. MOG: Breakfast of champions! > " Take it in your mouth and suck it dry!" He grabbed Zoicite's > head and pushed his meat into her mouth. (CRAXTON growls and claws at his elbow rests) MOG: Easy, pal. They're just following the script. (CRAXTON mutters darkly) > Zoicite sucked away at his dick, licking from the base to the very > sensitive tip. After she grown tired of this she decided to go faster. MOG: Wait a sec... She's taking ten inches down her throat, without gaging, licking him at the same time, AND doing it fast? HYENA: Difficulty rating? MIO: Nine. Ten, if she's doing it without interferance from the teeth. > Neflite finally came as Zoicite pulled herself out. The cum got all > over her face and oozed onto her breasts. She licked as much as she > could off the still hard rod. MIO: (sighs) Would it do any good to point out that the cumshot was invented when the pornography industry faced the dilemma of displaying an orgasm on-screen, and is both silly and unrealistic in a textual work? HYENA: Probably not. > Neflite chuckled to himself. > > " You're the best cocksucker in the whole Negaverse. You suck some > good cock. MIO: Your sucking of cock is superb. MOG: You suck cock like a true cocksucker HYENA: You suck cock like a vaccum sucks dirt. (CRAXTON growls and claws his elbowrests) MIO: You okay? (No answer) > Now it's your turn for pleasure." He positioned himself so Zoicite > was laying on the bed and he was over top of her. MOG: Like rest of fic over top? > His dick was pointed at her entrance. > > " Fuck me!" Zoicite begged," Bang me as hard as you can!" HYENA: *BANG!* MOG: OW! HYENA: *BANG!* MOG: OW! HYENA: *BANG!* MOG: Oh, yes! Harder! Hurt me! > Neflite pounded into her. He was surprised to feel how tight she > was. He moved in Zoicite as fast as he could. Zoicite could feel an > orgasm coming on and she pushed her hips up on Neflite's downward > force. MIO: Like we're pushing our riffs forward on this author's backwards farce. HYENA: Your reaching, Mio. > The huge dick inside of her penetrated her pussy with such a force > that Zoicite had to scream out > > " I'm coming! Faster Neflite! Fuck my pussy!" MOG: Dammit woman, I'm not Son Goku! I can't thrust at the speed of Ki! > She wrapped her arms around Neflite's waist, trying to get him in her > deeper. MIO: She wasted two minutes trying to supplement his thrusts like this until she figured out she'd have better results pulling the buttocks. > Finally Zoicite let out a soft " ooh" as the orgasm went through > her body. MIO: ooh............... hmph. Don't quit your day job, Neph. > It was like nothing she ever experienced with Malachite. She had loved > it! MOG: Thank you, Nephrite. We're still on for the impalement, right? > As she was enjoy the last few joys of her orgasm, a still hard > Neflite grabbed her hips and pumped once again. MOG: Ow! OW! Pain! Okay, okay, I *WON'T* kill you. Now put that oversized phallus away, you're breaking my cervix! > Finally he shot his warm cum > up her pussy. Then collapsed in Zoicite's arms. MIO: In. He shot IN her. Men only shoot up in a vertical position. HYENA: I don't know, Mio I know a guy who shot up... (MIO slaps HYENA. Meanwhile, CRAXTON begins to calm down) > " You were wonderful, Zoicite," he said in a calm voice," We > should do this more often, instead of our fighting. I love you Zoi." MOG: You're still not getting my Bud Light, Neph. > He kissed Zoicite lovingly on the lips. > > > " I love you too." Zoicite replied and returned the kiss. > > > " Stop! what do you to think you are doing!" A loud voice came > into the bedroom. The voice belonged to Malachite. CRAXTON: Yes! Carnage time! (smiles darkly) > He appeared in the door way. > > " Malachite, what are you doing back so early?" MOG: Well, I WAS going to make sweet, passionate love to you, but now I feel like some sadism instead! > Zoicite asked nervously. She could see Malachite's eyes staring at the > two nude generals in his room. > > > " Malachite, I'm sorry..." Neflite began to apologize. CRAXTON: Sorry ain't gonna cut it, bub... (evil laugh) > " No, Neflite, I'm glad this happened." Malachite replied. CRAXTON: WHAT?! > Malachite then smiled and started to laugh. > > " Zoicite, I'm glad that you took the time to help Neflite with > his sexual needs and your own as well. It was a very youma thing to > do. MIO: Thinker's still trying to get that writing school going, I see... > I'm especially pleased that you fuck someone other then me. We are > always together and I always have to look after you. I see that you > have become more independent." CRAXTON: (searching for words to describe this latest development) But... But... But... But... ASTRAL DRAGONCLAW!! (A beam of white light shoots from his outstretched arm and burns/tears a hole in the screen. MIO jumps. Even CRAXTON himself looks surpirsed.) DARK FIGURE: (Over the loudspeakers) Please don't do that. I may have to dock your rations to pay for it. CRAXTON: Umm... er... sure... sorry. MIO: Jeeze, calm down, will you! It's only a fic. CRAXTON: (shaken) Um... gotcha. > Malachite could feel his penis move in his pants. MOG: Shake it, baby! > He wanted to join in on the fun. > > > " So you're not mad at me?" Zoicite asked. > > " Of course not. MIO: You think I'd give up the most splendiferous sucker of cocks in the Negaverse? > I love you, Zoicite." Malachite replied to his lover. > > > Neflite noticed Malachite's erection and asked, MOG: Are you gonna eat that, Zoicite? > > " Want to join the fun Malachite? We both can have sex with her! > It can be a gangbang. HYENA: Come on, it's easy! We just knock her back and forth like a ping-pong ball... > May be we can even get Jedite to join in." > > > " Forget Jed," Malachite said, MOG: He's busy in a "conferance" with Queen Beryl. > " He's such a baby. Besides he probably doesn't even know what sex is. MIO: Yeah, well I'm more of a virgin then you'll ever have, Malachite! *pbbbbbbbbtttt!!!* > Now let me join in on this fucking! > I've been watching you two the whole time and I've got some moves I > want to teach Neflite." Malachite undressed and the three lovers all > had sex together. CRAXTON: Then in the morning, Beryl found out about them and had all three of them excecuted for disgracing the high command. MOG: Not in this fic. CRAXTON: Yeah, well it makes me feel better. > The End > > ...................................................................... > > I hope you liked it. Make sure to keep reading Miss > ParaPara's fanfics ( both hentai & non-hentai). Bye 4 now! CRAXTON: No thanks. At least, not of our free will. MIO: You're overeacting, Craxton. HYENA: Yeah, pal. Calm down. > E-mail your thoughts to Miss ParaPara at > > missparapara@hotmail.com CRAXTON: Here's a thought for you: BITE ME!!! Let's get out of here. (ALL rise and leave the theater) [1...2...3...4...5...6...7...] "Well, what did you think?" "I'll give you this, Figure," said Mio. "You're a man of your word. No tentacles, rapes, nasal stuff, or self-insertion. Just good, old- fashioned, poorly-written, badly-characterized, completely plotless tripe." "Quite." he smiled evilly, as befitted a man of his position. "It made no sense." Mog added. "And the characters weren't well done. Nephrite and Zoicite? Please..." "Sucky." said Hyena. "The sex was unconvincing, underdescribed, and unarousing. One is bad enough. Something with all three is just worthless." There was an uncomfortable silence, before all eyes turned to Craxton. "It's..." he stammered. "It's... It's... It's... GRRRRRRRRRR!!!!" with a massive growl, he stormed angrily out of the room. The MHT crew jumped at the growl, then watched him leave with apprehension. Then there was another, uncomfortable silence. "I'll put that down as 'Very, very, very bad.' said The Dark Figure. TO BE CONTINUED... ------------------------------------------------------------------------ NEXT EPISODE: Noticing his subjects' burgeoning interest in the sugar-sweet romance of "Oh My Goddess!", the Dark Figure sends them a less-then-sugar-sweet fanfic. It turns into a day of torture the MHT crew will never forget! Plus, find out what happens when a mutant moogle gets confused beyond the point of reasoning! The New Goddess on the next episode of MYSTERY HENTAI THEATER UNCENSORED! "Malachite would want to watch t.v. or nerd on his computer." ------------------------------------------------------------------------ Once again, send comments to craxton@erols.com