-In the not too distant future, way down in Lab 17. -The evil Doctor Allen was hatching a nasty scheme. -He found a knight by the name of Kan, a paladin of which he wasn't a fan. -His experiment needed a new test case, -So he knocked him on the noggin and he shot 'im into space! KAN: LET ME OUUUUUUT! -I'll send him cheesy fanfics. The worst I can find. (lalala) -He'll have to sit and read them all, and I'll monitor his mind. (lalala) -Keep in mind Kan can't control when the fanfics begin or end. (lalala) -He'll try to keep his sanity with the help of some newfound friends! DAILY ROLL CALL! Kan! (I'll SMITE you!) Robert! (PINEAPPLES!) Ronnie! (Like he'd get rid of ME.) Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiis! (HOWDY, PEOPLES!) -If you're wonderin' how he got to Kan, and other mindless facts. (lalala) -Repeat to yourself it's just a parody, you really should relax! -For Mystery Science Theater 4000! "Ho hum... another day, another lemon..." Kan walked drudgedly (sure it's a word) through the halls of the SOL, stopping only to glare at Season's sleeping form. In the main room, the other three were awaiting Kan's arrival, he was late again. "Where the hell IS he?!" "I don't know, sir. He's late every day." "Get him here earlier! I hate waiting!" "We've been TRYING, but he just threatens to smite us with his holy fire." "Oh. Yeah. Forgot about all that banishing stuff." "It's important to remember." "Morning all!" Kan walked in with a smile on his face. Everyone else simply scowled. "What?" "Nothing." "AHEM! Anyway, here's the fic for today. It's a Sailor Moon lemon entitled 'Lust Virus'. I hope you enjoy, boy toys! MWAHAHAHA!!!" At that moment, the lights flashed and the sirens blared. "Oooohhhhhhh! We've got movie siiiiiiiign...!" Door sequence: Door One: A wooden door that burns when you get to it. Door Two: A door made entirely of ducks that just collapses. Door Three: A victorian door that explodes for no reason. Door Four: A holographic door that you just walk through. Door Five: A nicely crafted mohogany door that you cut open. Door Six: A Submarine door. >First of all, this is an XXX lemon, RONNIE: Oh, happy day. >so turn back now if you're underage, CHRIS: Does that mean we can leave? ALLEN: Not a chance. ROBERT: Damn... >or if you're not a sick bastard. *Kan snaps his fingers* >This lemon was written solely to be MSTed, *everyone cheers* >so it's so far below my usual standards it's sickening. CHRIS: I don't doubt that for a second. >Read it if you want, but don't bother flaming me, *everyone looks dejected* >since I delete flames and spam on sight. KAN: (Army guy) Alright, gentlemen! The target has been sighted! LAUNCH THE SPAM! >If you want to MST it, RONNIE: (Author) Run away. Far, far away. >e-mail me and we'll set something up. Enjoy! CHRIS: Stupid MSTier taking that advice... >------------------------------------------------------------------------------- ALL: ~Line, line, everywhere a line...~ >The Lust Virus KAN: I'll bet we'll each want one at the end of this. >Somewhere in the warehouse district of downtown Tokyo, RONNIE: A wormhole opened and sucked the entire city into a void. ROBERT: Cool. >a body of matter larger than a cat, smaller than a football field, many times larger than a single sperm cell >from a sailor, and slightly larger than a breadbasket, stood a dog. *everyone stares at the screen blankly* ALLEN: Um... It's satire. ALL: Ohhhhhhhhhhh...... >Next to that dog stood a warehouse. *everyone facefaults* >Inside that warehouse stood a mad doctor in a lab coat shaking his fist at the TV. ROBERT: (Doctor) Fucking Sally Struthers! You and your Ethiopians can go to hell! >"Goddamn fucking Packers!! ALL: PAAAAAAAAACKERRRRRRRRRSSSS!!!!! >Blast you all to hell!!!" RONNIE: (Doctor) Rassen frassen Packers... >Behind that raving doctor was his blonde and big-breasted assistant. KAN: Well, of COURSE, all mad scientists HAVE to have big breasted assistants. >"Doctor, if you keep screaming like that, you're going to change the cosmological constant of the >universe." CHRIS: (Doctor) Oh, silly me. Knock on wood! *hits temple* >The doctor stood up and composed himself. ALL: EWWWWWWWWW! >"Right, right, and pigs will fly and cows will give caramel milk. ROBERT: (Assistant) ...They don't...? >I remember what happened last time." RONNIE: (Doctor) Yeah... Those crazy Lost Vikings... >He straightened his tie, and subsequently accidentally strangled himself. RONNIE: Oh, smooooooooooooth. >"Ms. Jugglesworth!" he gasped out. KAN: Oh, *laughs* fantastic name. >His assistant sighed and loosened his tie. "Sir, shouldn't we be starting now?" RONNIE: (Doctor) I suppose. Ready the anal probe and bring in the hick! >The doctor took a few breaths and threw away his tie. "Quite right, my dear. Today we shall be >experimenting on the Sailor Scouts." ROBERT: Yeah, well, who hasn't? >"But doctor, wasn't that your plan for the last five months? And didn't it fail miserably every time?" CHRIS: (Doctor) Shut UP! >"Yes, but this time we'll be taking over their minds and causing them to feel an overload of hormonal >impulses, KAN: I think I see where this is going. >thereby causing them to engage each other in sexual acts till they become simpering piles of lust!!! >BWAAHAHAHAHAAAHAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!!" RONNIE: Yeah. ROBERT: Shoulda seen it coming... >Ms. Jugglesworth waited till the doctor had exhausted himself, *everyone looks at each other, and silently agree to not say anything* >then ROBERT: The earth collided with the moon, causing a horrible shockwave to shoot through the ground, destroying everything in it's path! RONNIE: Good one. >reminded him, "But Dr. Lustidick, *complete silence* KAN: His name is Doctor Lustidick...? >that's the exact same plan we've been doing." RONNIE: (Doctor) Oh. Well, let's do something ELSE then. >"Hah! So what?! *THIS* time we'll succeed!!!" *everyone claps madly* ROBERT: BEAUTIFUL battle strategy! Beautiful! >"Right......." CHRIS: Actually it's all very, very wrong. >Ms. Jugglesworth turned away and pulled out her cell phone and cancelled her plans with a man with a >large chest and a big shlong, her would-be date for the night. ALL: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.... KAN: We feel SO sorry for YOU...! >"Now," the doctor cackled, holding up a large star-shaped green and purple organism, KAN: Oooooooohhh... Pwetty..... >"Let the experiment commence!!!" ALL: BUM BUM BUUUUMMM!! >The organism floated up into the air and hung there for a few seconds, RONNIE: Mmm-hmm... >then took a header into the doctor's mug of beer. CHRIS: Okay... >It immediately sprang back up, slammed into the wall, ROBERT: Go on... >urinated on the TV, and flew out of the warehouse, stopping to urinate again on a pile of coiled rope. KAN: Spectacular. >It was at that time that Dr. Lustidick started throwing rocks at it, so it went on its way to find the Sailor >Senshi. ALL: NIFTY SWIFTY. >*** ROBERT: Hey, stars. KAN: ~Movies movies movies movies...~ CHRIS: Shut up. >In her house somewhere in whatever town she was living in, Serena whatever-her-last-name-is RONNIE: THRILL at the magnificent descriptions! >was reading mangas with her panties around her ankles. KAN: *blinks* Pardon? >She had two fingers working in and out of her dripping cunt RONNIE: ........ Um... What? CHRIS: Oh lord... >as she followed the story ROBERT: She follows the story? HA! >of the big-breasted teacher being used by her students as a reward for doing well on a test KAN: That sounds familiar.... >(actual Secret Plot story) KAN: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhh.... >The students were just about to gang-bang the teacher when a breeze from her window blew across her >backside, RONNIE: (Usagi) Stupid weather. Such a distraction. >effectively bringing her mood down a few degrees. KAN: There's a song riff in there SOMEWHERE... >She sat up, kicking off her panties which had since become a burden. KAN: I agree! CHRIS: You're sickening... RONNIE: You know, you remind me of Mrs. Peacock from the movie Clue. CHRIS: WHAT?!?!?! ROBERT: Hey, yeah! You do! CHRIS: Shut up! >She closed the window, but not quickly enough to prevent a small green and purple organism from flying >in and burrowing into her chest. RONNIE: They make it sound like an everyday occurance... KAN: They? RONNIE: Oh, shut up. >She tried to scream, but her cries were cut short when the organism invaded her system, KAN: AIDS. ROBERT: Sickle-cell. CHRIS: Colon infection. RONNIE: Dysentary. KAN: Ronnie ALWAYS wins these... >increasing her hormonal levels till they were almost unbearable. KAN: I call no Scotty jokes. RONNIE: Second. ROBERT: Awwwww.... >Her pussy flowed like a river CHRIS: That euphamism annoys me so. KAN: EVERY euphamism annoys you. >and her nipples became small steel spikes, ROBERT: Oh... my God, ow. >sensitive to the very air around them. KAN: (Usagi's nipples) The air... it's around me... Get it off, get it off, get it off! >A noise behind her snapped her attention to full. Her door had opened, and Rini, CHRIS: Oh, Christ no. >looking as small and kawaii as ever, KAN: Was about to get raped. >walked in. "Hey, Serena, ALL: ~Hey Serena!~ KAN: ~I like the things you do...~ ALL: ~Hey Serena!~ CHRIS: ~If I could I would be you...~ RONNIE: What? ROBERT: Ha ha! CHRIS: DAMMIT! >you dropped your locket in my room," KAN: Snap snap, wink wink, grin grin, say no more. >she said curtly. ROBERT: Is that a word? RONNIE: Got me. >She tossed the locket at Serena's half-nude form, CHRIS: (Chibi-Usa) Wait a second... something's not right here... >just then noticing exactly what her future mother was presently *not* wearing. KAN: PANTS! *drools* RONNIE: Panties, actually. KAN: Whatever. It's still Usagi with no pants! CHRIS: Knock it off already! >"What...what..." ROBERT: (Chibi-Usa) Who... who... >"Wanna go for three times?" *everyone looks confused* RONNIE: Um.... Huh? >Serena asked lustily. KAN: LUSTILY! RONNIE: LUSTILY! ROBERT: LUSTILY! *silence* KAN: C'mon... CHRIS: Oh, fine. Lustily. RONNIE: Good boy. >Her tongue was practically lolled out as her breathing quickened ROBERT: *laughs* She's a dog in heat. >at the sight of the tiny female form before her. KAN: (Usagi) Must... eat... child... >Her juices were making a stain on the bedspread as her lust increased. RONNIE: To MAXIMUM LEVEL! >Suddenly she leapt from the bed and bolted across the room, KAN: (Usagi) rrrrrrrrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRRRRRRrrrrrrrrrrrrrmmmmmm.... >tackling Rini and shutting the door behind her at the same time. *everyone claps* RONNIE: Impressive. >"You little minx...teasing your elders like this," CHRIS: (Chibi-Usa) Um, yeah.. heh... >Serena whispered sensually into Rini's ear. KAN: (Usagi) Rooooooossssebuuuuuuuud... >"I'll have to teach you a lesson you won't forget." KAN: *to Chris* That's a euphamism. CHRIS: *angry mark* I know... KAN: *to Chris* That means she's going to have sex wi... CHRIS: *more angry marks* I KNOW! >Her hand traveled over Rini's school uniform and tugged at the collar as she planted a kiss firmly on her >daughter's tender lips. RONNIE: Ignore the run-on sentance, which lips are he talking about? KAN: I'm assuming the ones on the face, but who can tell, really? >Rini pulled away, ROBERT: Which will be futile, because the person getting raped isn't allowed to be stronger than the rapist. >and almost smacked her head against the door. ALL: *smack* D'OH!!!! >"Serena! What're you doing?!" CHRIS: That sould be pretty damn obvious, don't you think? >Serena answered by lightly tugging on the collar of Rini's uniform, KAN: (Usagi) C'mon... striiiiip... C'mon... >then in one quick motion, tore a strip down to her waist, ALL: WOOOOSH! >and pulled apart the two remaining halves, RONNIE: Like a banana! >exposing the prepubescent chest. KAN: That's an unenticing adjective... *gags* >She lowered her head and placed her mouth over ROBERT: ~The hills and through the woods...~ >where Rini's right tit would grow in a few short years and sucked with all her might. CHRIS: Eventually ripping her heart straight from her rib cage. >Rini let out an KAN: Animalistic howl. >involuntary moan, followed by another protest. RONNIE: OOOOOHHHHHHHH.... Knock it off! OOOOOOOHHHHHHHHH...! >"Serena, stop it! Don't do that!" KAN: (Chibi-Usa, Sheriff of Rottingham) Wait, I've... changed my mind... >Serena ignored her and flicked her tongue over her flat nipples, ROBERT: (Usagi) Eh. Whatever... >releasing another moan. RONNIE: (Usagi) Be FREE!!! >She switched to the left breast and gave it equal attention, ROBERT: (Announcer) It's the science of sectional progression... KAN: We already did that one. MSTIER: Yeah, but I saw that infomercial again last night. KAN: Oh. *fourth wall rumbles* >rubbing the opposite side with her hand. RONNIE: (Usagi) Wax on... wax off... >Rini kept on moaning, ROBERT: (Chibi-Usa) Mabye if I keep moaning, she'll stop molesting me... Yeah.. that's it... >thinking she wanted Serena to stop taking advantage of her, RONNIE: Which she WOULD... >but secretly wishing for more of this strange pleasure she was feeling. ALL: SLUT!!!!! >Once again Serena moved up to kiss Rini, KAN: ... CHRIS: Don't. KAN: I wasn't GOING to...! >which brought some disappointed moans from the little tyke. RONNIE: (Chibi-Usa) Awwww... No more rape...? >Serena gave her a quick kiss, still rubbing her breasts CHRIS: Wouldn't want to avert attention from THAT. >and now moving her head to nibble on her ears. *everyone makes crunching noises* >This brought quick gasps from Rini who tried her best to hold on to the little sanity left to her. KAN: Not bloody likely. >After a few minutes of this, Serena pulled away, ROBERT: And got sucked into a void of timespace, never to be seen or heard from again. >making Rini groan involuntarily. RONNIE: (Chibi-Usa) Is the molesting OVER? Awwwwww...! >The Sailor Senshi didn't stay away long, though. ALL: NOOOOOOOO! GOD FORBID!!! >She quickly disrobed completely, ALL: WOOOOSH! >discarding the upper half of her uniform. CHRIS: (Usagi) Don't need this anymore... >Before Rini could protest, Serena grabbed her skirt and tore it off in one quick motion, ALL: WOOOSH! KAN: We should stop those. RONNIE: Probably. >catching her panties in the same attack. KAN: PANTY THIEF HEART ATTACK!!! >Rini wanted more of Serena's mouth on her tits, RONNIE: MORE PORK! JIMMY DEAN WANT MORE PORK! >but she knew exposing herself like this was wrong. *silence, then laughter* >She desperately tried to pull away, RONNIE: (Chibi-Usa) No mommy! Bad touching! >but the door behind her blocked her escape. ROBERT: (Chibi-Usa) DAMN! An unlocked, easily openable door is blocking my path to escape something I'll end up enjoying! >She tried calling for help, but another kiss from Serena cut her short. CHRIS: She doesn't think of attacking her or anything? >Serena wasted no time and pulled Rini down on her ass on the floor, yanking her legs apart roughly. *everyone makes ripping noises* >The little girl's pussy lips were displayed fully to the horny teenager, KAN: Today, on the Real World... >increasing her lust five-fold. RONNIE: (Announcer) Not one, not two, but FIVE fold! >She dived into Rini's crotch tongue-first, ROBERT: (Boring commentator) And here... You'll be able to see the... amazing... swan dive... >licking it from ass to clit. KAN: Here. RONNIE: There. CHRIS: Everywhere! >Rini let out a half-gasp, half-scream as the pleasure washed over her. CHRIS: She drowned. Right then and there. >She felt a moistness between her legs she had never felt before, KAN: Jello? CHRIS: Water balloon? ROBERT: Take the Pepsi Challenge! >and she felt Serena licking up that moistness like it was chocolate ice cream. KAN: (Usagi) Mmmmmmmmm.... Amareto Cream.... >"Oohhhh...." Rini moaned out loud. RONNIE: SHH! No moaning! Read the sign! >"Oh....oh mommy! Mommy! Make me feel good, mommy!" KAN: Even I can't make fun of THAT... >she shouted, again and again as Serena stabbed her ROBERT: USAGI! RONNIE: How could she stab her daughter... >tongue into her dripping cunt over and over again, RONNIE: Oh. CHRIS: Well, thst's not much BETTER... >tongue-fucking her daughter with unreserved lust. KAN: That sentence is wrong on so many levels... >Rini came after only a few minutes, CHRIS: HA! What a little lamer! Only a few.. min... what ARE you staring at?! ALL BUT CHRIS: Nothing... >and came again and again with every thrust of her mother's tongue. ROBERT: (Baby Plucky) And again and again and again. >Finally she collapsed against the door, RONNIE: Opening it. >thoroughly exhausted. KAN: Now SHE'S going to act like a dog in heat. >Serena, sensing that this was the end of their get-together, ROBERT: She's gonna leave, isn't she? >stood up and opened the door, causing Rini's head to drop between the door frame. RONNIE: Yep. >She walked out, still completely nude, in search of more partners. CHRIS: OutSIDE?! >Elsewhere in the house, Serena's brother Sammy was heading to Serena's room to tell her to clean up the >mess she made while making a sandwich earlier in the day. KAN: Noooooo.... ROBERT: This isn't good... RONNIE: Bad flashbacks... Trapped... CHRIS: Augh... augh... AUGH! >What he found was Rini, apparently unconscious in Serena's doorway. KAN: She conked her head while trying to ram through the wall. >Being the concerned cousin (technically uncle), ROBERT: But HE didn't need to know that. >he rushed over to help her. RONNIE: Trouble brewing. >Imagine his surprise when he saw her lying there completely nude, her uniform torn to pieces. *everyone imagines Shingo's surprise, nods, then gets back to the fic* >He was just about to go get his parents for help when he felt a tugging on his arm. CHRIS: (Chibi-Usa) I want some ice cream... >He glanced down and saw Rini standing up, her eyes slightly glazed over. KAN: Duuuuuuuuuuude... This shit be KICKIN'...! >"Rini, are you all right?" he asked just before she pushed him to the ground and tugged off his pants. ROBERT: Woooosh? RONNIE: No. No woooosh. >He was about to protest, but her mouth immediately CHRIS: She's gonna blow him, isn't she? >wrapped itself around his limp cock KAN: Bad euphamism warning. >and sucked like a Pauly Shore movie. *everyone makes gunshot noises* >Even though he didn't fully realize what was going on, RONNIE: He didn't really CARE, because he was getting a hummer. >Sammy quickly became erect, CHRIS: TWAAAANG! >and Rini quickly moved her pussy over his cock and pressed down hard. *everyone makes tearing noises* >He wasn't big enough to pop her cherry, KAN: KABLAMMO!!!! >which suited her just fine. ROBERT: (Chibi-Usa) Well, I'm having sex, but I won't lose my virginity. Score! >She moved up and down on his cock, flexing new muscles in her cunt and squeezed Sammy's cock on each >downstroke. KAN: KABLAMMO!!!! RONNIE: Oh, jeez, man... >Both children moaned with each other's movements, and their moans filled the currently-empty house. ROBERT: How convenient. >Both parents wouldn't be back from their respective jobs/errands for quite some time. CHRIS: That makes it easier to have an orgy without any resistance. >*** KAN: ~Starlight, starbright, first star I see tonight...~ >Serena bounded down the stairs and headed for the kitchen in search of her mother's rolling pin. CHRIS: Subtle. >She suddenly had an urge to shove that thing very far into either of her lower orifices, preferebly both. RONNIE: The magical multiplying rolling pin dildo. >*ding-dong* ALL: ~The witch is dead...~ >Dang damn dung, ROBERT: That's a good phrase. >now who could that be? RONNIE: Avon! >Serena hurried to the front door and checked through the peephole, KAN: We'd like to interest you in our new and improved rolling pin... >catching a gander and a head of blue hair. CHRIS: They said head, right? RONNIE: I hope so. ROBERT: I hope it isn't THAT head. >Ami! KAN: Oh dear sweet Jesus... >It was Ami! RONNIE: We heard. >Sweet, smooth, hot little Ami. *silence* >Serena opened the door and was quickly greeted by Ami. ROBERT: (Ami) Hello Usagi! Hey! You're naked, aren't you? That brings up an article I read yesterday... >"Hello, Serena, are you ready to study for that history exam?" RONNIE: (Ami) We can study alllll niiiiight looooooong. Because I don't have to go home until late. Now, let's get started... >And then she noticed that Serena wasn't wearing anything. KAN: ZING! >Before she could react Serena rushed forward and hugged her, ROBERT: (Usagi, Jay Sherman) Don't leave your poppa! DON'T LEAVE YOUR POPPA! >pressing her lips against Ami's and moving her hand down to the young genius's rear end. CHRIS: More commonly known as ass. >Serena raised Ami's skirt up and slipped her hand into her friend's panties, rubbing and squeezing her ass >cheeks. ALL: HONK! HONK HONK HONK! >Ami managed to regain her senses about that time. RONNIE: (Ami) Wait a sec, I don't like this! Duh-huh! *smaks self* >She pulled away, with a little resistance from Serena. KAN: (Usagi) Hug.... Hug hug... >"Serena, what's gotten into you?!" she cried out. CHRIS: What HASN'T? >"I'm feelin' a little warm," ROBERT: (Ami) Well, you can turn your thermostat down a lit... Oh. Ohhhhhh. Nooooooow I get it. >Serena answered in a low whisper. ALL: Pswpswpswpswpswpsw.... >"Want to cool me off?" RONNIE: (Ami) Not really. >She resumed her kiss with Ami, breaking it after a second to pull her off to a small alley next to her house. KAN: (Usagi) What? Indoors? Hardly! Let's go to the filthy ALLEY and screw! >"Don't worry Ami, I'll satisfy you first." ROBERT: (Ami) Oh. Okay then. >"Serena, stop this!" Ami screamed. "This isn't right!" ALL: THANK YOU! >"Yes, it is, it's as right as we want it to be." CHRIS: That's probably counterproductive. >She kissed Ami again and slowly unbuttoned her uniform and slipped off her skirt. KAN: Ami not resisting in the least. >Ami could do little except surrender to Serena's advances KAN: Bingo. >as she felt her bra being unbuckled and her small breasts popping free of their confinement. ALL: BOINGY BOINGY BOINGY! >Serena licked her friend's ears and nibbled on her lobes, *silence* RONNIE: EAR lobes. CHRIS: Oh. >listening to her moan and feeling her own temperature rising. KAN: (Ami) Aw, dammit. I'm starting to like it. *snaps fingers* >She lowered her head and licked all over the small breasts, *everyone makes highly unattractive licking motions* >causing Ami's breath to come CHRIS: NOT A WORD FROM ANYONE! KAN: Killjoy... >in short gasps. RONNIE: I would like to point out again that these are the symptoms for a stroke and/or heart attack. >She licked down her chest, all over her tummy, ROBERT: There's a word less often used in lemons. >and down below her waist. KAN: *to Chris* That would be her vaginal area. CHRIS: *even more angry marks* I.... know.... KAN: *to Chris* That means Usagi's going to tongue... CHRIS: *one BIG angry mark* I KNOW! >She pulled off Ami's panties RONNIE: Awfully cheap underwear. >and rubbed her finger up and down her cunt and subsequently placing it in her mouth and licking off the >juices. KAN: Yet another anime lemon cliche. >Ami was already wet and willing, which only made Serena's job easier. ROBERT: Well, hot damn. >She licked all over Ami's pussy and sucked her clit into her mouth. KAN: Yikes... CHRIS: I'm sure they were exaggerating a bit... KAN: Hope so. >Ami instantly came from the suction on her already over-sensitized clit, RONNIE: For she had been poking it with dentist tools earlier. >and Serena just kept pleasuring her. ROBERT: God forbid she stop or anything. >Almost unbeknownst to the two lovers, KAN: I think quite a bit is unbeknownst to these two. >a shower of rose petals heralded the arrival of Zoicite, *silence* CHRIS: Um... he's dead, isn't he? KAN: Well, they never gave a timeline. CHRIS: That's true. >brought back to life by whatever mysterious force you wanna use. RONNIE: Or that... >(I don't care, I just want to keep the story going) ROBERT: Awfully rude, considering WE don't. >"Hah, I've got them cornered," ALL: (Zoicite) Mwa ha, ha ha, ha ha. >said Zoicite. That was two seconds before she noticed KAN: Wait a second... ROBERT: I thought he was a guy... RONNIE: He was a she in the dubbed version, I think. KAN: Oh. >they were both nude and having sex. *more gunshot noises* >"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL ARE YOU TWO DOING?!?!?!?!?!" CHRIS: Again, that sould be really obvious. >she screamed. ALL: We noticed. >Serena and Ami took a break from enjoying each other to glance up at the floating Zoicite. KAN: (Usagi) Take us to your leader. >They glanced at each other, then leaped up and tackled the Negaverse servant and pinned her to the >ground. RONNIE: So, now Ami's a sex freak? ROBERT: Not that different from other Sailor Moon lemons. RONNIE: True. >"Get off of me, you Sailor brats!" ALL: (Sailor Brats) NO! ~Weeeeeee don't have to, weeeee don't have to, weeee don't have to, do NOTHIN' you say, NOTHIN' you say, yoooooooouuuu caaaaan't make us!~ >she cried out, gasping in surprise as the two Sailors ripped her uniform open, KAN: The Banana Peel Effect once again. >exposing her breasts. RONNIE: Which shouldn't be there, I'd like to add. >"Wait a minute, I don't have breasts, I'm a guy! Damn American censors!" CHRIS: Poor guy. Err, girl. Err... whatever. >Ami and Serena each began suckling on one of the tits, KAN: Is the extra "l" really necessary? >and Zoicite moaned audibly. ROBERT: New word, people. >"Ah, screw it." KAN: Probably. >And they did. ROBERT: ZING! >Or, more specifically, Ami moved down and started fingering Zoicite through her panties RONNIE: Heh, heh, heh, heh. Dude looks like a lady... ALL: Hur hur hur hur hur... >while Serena moved up to her head. CHRIS: I thought he was a she in this! KAN: Ew.... >She had been pleasuring others for too long, ROBERT: I'll bet. >and now it was time to get some back in return. RONNIE: (Usagi) It's about ding damn time! >she positioned her oversexed pussy over Zoicite's mouth and was immediately gratified by a tongue from >below. CHRIS: How many sex scenes are IN this?! >It flicked lightly over her outer lips and dug into her hole, ALL: ~Whistle while you work, doo doo doo doo doo doo doo!~ >passing over her clit with a hard swipe. KAN: DOUBLE... SLASH! >As soon as the tongue hit her clit she exploded with pleasure, KAN: KA... CHRIS: Yes. Kablammo. We know. >and had to bite her lip to hold back a blood-curdling scream. RONNIE: Ironically drawing blood. >Meanwhile, Ami had removed Zoicite's panties by the very effective method of ripping them off. ROBERT: Twice. >She put her fingers to her mouth and licked off Zoicite's juices, KAN: There are gonna be some bladder problems TONIGHT... >then moved those same fingers to her own cunt and began fingering herself. CHRIS: Of course! >She wrapped her lips around Zoicite's pussy and sucked deeply, *everyone makes nasty sucking noises* >nursing her cunt like a hungry calf. RONNIE: Um.... no. >Zoicite moaned in pleasure into Serena's crotch, ROBERT: And it echoed for miles. KAN: Good one! >which just made the Sailor Soldier moan even more. CHRIS: As opposed to just making her forget about sex altogether and become a nun. >*** KAN: (Military commander) The stars are falling! >Somewhere down the street between Serena's street and whatever street is in downtown >Tokyo street fucking street......damn it, I lost my train of thought. ALL: HA HA!!!! >Anyway, Rei was headed to Serena's house to take back the mangas the meatball head had 'borrowed' from >her. RONNIE: I had a feeling it was Raye's porn. >Imagine her surprise when she saw Serena and Ami along with Zoicite engaged in a three-way. *eveyone imagine's Raye's surprise, nods, and goes back to the fic* >Nah, she was a little less surprised than that. ROBERT: Well, FINE. >"Serena!" she shouted angrily, "Get the hell off her!!" KAN: For once, I call no Usagi/Raye jokes... >She ran into the alley and yanked Serena off of Zoicite, RONNIE: (Raye) Stop enjoying yourself! GOD! >who was cumming a river by now. KAN: Well, yeah. She's anime. She HAS to have insane orgasms and all that. >"Damn it, there's a test tomorrow, and we gotta find a cure..... fucking hell..." ROBERT: Now now, no need to cuss. >Zoicite noticed another Sailor Scout above her and freaked. CHRIS: ...Um... why? >She floated ALL: Oooooohhhhhhhh..... >into the air and vanished in a shower of rose petals (now what the fuck is that all about?) RONNIE: You're asking us? >Rei grabbed Ami's arm and pulled both her and Serena into the house to get them dressed, ROBERT: I bet she's gonna enjoy it or something... >then called up the other Scouts. KAN: (Raye) Yeah. Usagi and Ami turned into sex craved maniacs again... You know. The basic drill. >Once again they'd have to save the world... CHRIS: Think awfully highly of themselves, don't they? >this was really cutting into her social life. RONNIE: Please. She spends all her free time at the Hikawa Shrine. >*** ROBERT: Fuck the star riffs, I've stopped caring. >Back in the Negaverse, KAN: Woooosh! >Zoicite reappeared in that same damn rose petal thing. CHRIS: I'm senseing a dislike to the rose petal enterances. >There wasn't any actual rooms in the Negaverse, it being a gigantic empty space and all, RONNIE: Of course. >but it didn't stop a few of the generals from slapping some drywall together and putting them up. KAN: (Jadeite) Dibs on the center! >Anyway, Zoicite appeared in Jadeite's 'room', CHRIS: I see we're dispensing with the specifics. >minus her uniform. ALL: D'OH! >He was sitting on his bed, reading a Hot Tails manga with a noticeable bulge in his pants. ROBERT: BOING! >"Uh, Zoicite?" Jadeite said, ogling her naked form. KAN: (Jadeite) Duh huh huh... boobies... >"You, uh, missing something?" RONNIE: (Zoicite) Yeah, but I would get these two for it, so I think, 'two for one? Awesome!' and took the offer. Why? >"Yes, quite," she answered. CHRIS: I guess he didn't actually mean clothes. >"I thought you were a guy?" he asked quizzingly. *everyone facefaults* >"Yeah, the American censors got to me." KAN: Too bad... I hope American censors don't get to us, or Chris here might turn into a girl. CHRIS: GO TO HELL!!!! >"Well, uh....it's not all bad." The tits were especially nice. ROBERT: They have to be. Otherwise you wouldn't be able to tell if an anime charicter is male or female. >"Damn straight!" RONNIE: Word up boy-ee. >Zoicite floated down and quickly stripped off Jadeite's uniform, KAN: Oh, who saw THAT coming? *everyone raises their hands* >revealing a surprisingly masculine chest and already erect member. RONNIE: (Zoicite) That cuts at least two minutes off my time! >She straddled him and felt his cock penetrate her in one swift motion. CHRIS: No pain, of course. KAN: That would get in the way of the sex. >'I wonder what Kunzite's doing later,' Zoicite thought to herself as she started humping Jadeite. ROBERT: It appears to be spreading. >*** *silence* >Back in the little ol' warehouse district, RONNIE: AH! Oh. Scene change. KAN: Well, at least we get a warning. >Dr. Lustidick was watching football and ranting at God again. RONNIE: Good man! >"If you can't create a decent fucking football team, then why don't you just blow up the fucking Earth and >start over again?!?!?!?!" CHRIS: Well... because that would kill everyone... KAN: There ARE good football teams, anyway. >And that was just for a five-yard gain. ROBERT: Well, piss. >"Ms. Jugglesworth!" RONNIE: (Doctor) RAPE ME! KAN: Getting to you? RONNIE: A smidge. >the doctor shouted. "I'm sick of football! Which videos do we have that I haven't seen?" ROBERT: (Assistant) Let's see... "Football's Greatest Injuries"... >His assistant rooted through a pile of old Blockbuster videos that hadn't been returned yet and pulled out >two 'new' tapes. RONNIE: This guy is fairly cool, if you look past the insanity. >"Let's see... we have the random stampeding of bulls through various television show sets, ROBERT: That sounds funny! >or the gang anal-rape of Tony the Tiger." KAN: ... That sounds nauseating... >"Didn't you go to the video store last night?" RONNIE: Actually, it's Blockbuster, bring the entertainment home, so why don't they deliver? KAN: Well, they mean for YOU to take the entertainment home. RONNIE: Ohhhhh... >"I did, but they threw me out because of all our late charges." ROBERT: Luckily, that's never happened to me. >"Damn! I must remember to mail those tapes back anonymously." KAN: This guy is exceedingly cool... >It was just then that the door to the warehouse was kicked open by a teenage girl in a red sailor uniform. RONNIE: I don't care who you are, that would be pretty freaky. >"Hold it right there, Dr. Lustidick!" KAN: Hee hee. She said dick. CHRIS: I have a feeling you're going to die soon... > Sailor Mars shouted. She burst into the room, followed by Serena, ROBERT: Drooling all the way. >and Sailor Jupiter and Venus holding a writhing and still horny Ami. KAN: Of course Ami's the one still horny... >"Give us the cure, or we'll bust up the place!" RONNIE: I could take that the wrong way, but I don't really feel like it... >"Drat! How did you find me?!" CHRIS: (Raye) Well, there's that big neon sign in front of your lab. >"What're you talking about?! We've been coming down here every couple of weeks for a cure to your >stupid lust virus!" KAN: Busy month. >She felt a nibbling on her neck, and glanced down to see Serena initiating some sort of foreplay with her. CHRIS: She going to enjoy it in a moment, I can tell... >"Serena, knock it off!" *everyone breathes a sigh of relief* >She pushed her friend's head away and held it at bay of her neck. ROBERT: I'm sure he meant base. RONNIE: Probably. >"You'll never get the cure!" the doctor ranted. "Never! And your friends will be sex-crazed sluts forever!! >HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAA!!!!!!" *everyone snaps their fingers and stomps* >"Now look, you mad fuck, I'm gonna-" KAN: (Raye) SLEEP WITH YOU! >Now Serena was rubbing against her breast since she couldn't nibble on her neck. RONNIE: Makes sense... >"Okay, okay, fine Serena, go ahead." CHRIS: Awfully passive, isn't she? >She let Serena's head go and it immediately attached itself to her neck. KAN: SSSSSHHHHHHHHLLLLUP! >"Jeez, just don't kiss me, okay? I don't want to be infected." ALL: Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.... >"Look, Dr. Lustidick," Venus interjected, ROBERT: *blinks* I'd rather not... >"Just give us the cure, and we won't make you watch the Tony the Tiger tape again." KAN: Ouch. Harsh. >The doctor thought about it for a second, then decided he didn't want to be temporarily impotent for another two months. RONNIE: Awwwww, why not? >"Alright, fine, here's your fucking cure!" ROBERT: Not just any cure, the Fucking Cure. KAN: That isn't far off, ironically. >He tossed a vial full of red liquid, ALL: MOJO! >which Jupiter caught, *everyone cheers madly* >accidentally letting go of Ami for a second. ALL: D'OH! >Ami immediately tried to kiss Venus, but Jupiter caught her again and kept her still. CHRIS: Thank God. >Dr. Lustidick quickly took advantage of this opportunity to escape. RONNIE: The five second in-between time that he's probably going to spend commanding his assistant. >"Ms. Jugglesworth! Open the trans-dimensional portal!" RONNIE: Natch. >His assistant sighed in exasperation and pressed a button on what looked like one of those radio- >controlled car remotes. ROBERT: Spiffy. >A burst of light flashed and a glimmering white portal opened near the doctor. KAN: For she had used a Scroll of Town Portal. >"Hah!" the doctor scoffed. "You shall never catch us! Come, Ms. Jugglesworth, we shall escape to anothe >anime series!" CHRIS: My money's on Evangelion. KAN: Nah, Gundam Wing. ROBERT: I'm gonna say Tenchi. RONNIE: Pokemon. KAN: What? RONNIE: Pokemon. CHRIS: Oh, ew! RONNIE: Think about it, this is supposed to be a humor series, and that would be damn funny. ROBERT: No, I agree with Chris. Ew. RONNIE: You'll see... >The two jumped through the portal, which let out a belching noise and closed behind them. KAN: I wish TP's did that. >"Hurray!" Venus cheered, "Now we can cure our friends!" ROBERT: Someone's going to object! >"Uhhh...." Mars moaned, "You think we can cure Serena later?" *Kan makes gunshot noises* >She whimpered as her friend licked her neck and moved up to her face. "Just.....a little later....." CHRIS: (Raye) Okay. Now's good. >*** ALL: Dum dee dum... >Somewhere in a greenish clearing, a white shimmering portal opened, and two people flew out of it, landing >on a pile of orange flowers. KAN: (Turk) Reno! You smashed them! ROBERT: (Turk) You're gonna catch high-hell! >"Hah!" the doctor screeched. "Now we can continue the experiments unencumbered!" RONNIE: Except you lost your lab and all. >"But doctor," Ms. Jugglesworth piped up, KAN: We already made a stoner joke, and one per lemon is quite enough. >"What if there's no people here to experiment on?" ROBERT: (Doctor) Well, then.. we'll... DAMN! >Just then, a kid in a red and white cap came up to the two. *everyone looks at Ronnie* >"Hi there!" said the kid. "I'm Ash Ketchum! I'm a pokémon trainer! *everyone but Ronnie stare at the screen, mouths wide open* RONNIE: Told ya. >Who're you guys? Do you have any pokémon?" KAN: No.... way.... ROBERT: I can't believe... CHRIS: Right on the money... RONNIE: Like I always say, never doubt me. ^_^ >The doctor looked at his assistant knowingly. "You were saying, Ms. Jugglesworth?" RONNIE: (Assistant) I was saying, what if there isn't anyone to experiment on. Weren't you listening? (himself) And I got the last words. Heh heh. KAN: Looks like we're gonna see some Pokesex soon. CHRIS: Thank God, the doors are open. ROBERT: Let's get out of here... *the group leaves really, really fast* Door sequence: Door One: A wooden door that burns when you get to it. Door Two: A door made entirely of ducks that just collapses. Door Three: A victorian door that explodes for no reason. Door Four: A holographic door that you just walk through. Door Five: A nicely crafted mohogany door that you cut open. Door Six: A Submarine door. The four walk into the main room to see Alex standing there, talking with another girl. "Alex! you're up! Get back to bed now!!" Alex smirks, and turns to the group, "Actually, I'm all better now. Feeling fit as a fiddle." Ronnie walks forward, "Where's Season? Is she better?" "God forbid..." Kan grumbles. With a sudden seriousness to his eyes, Alex turns to Kan, "What does that mean?" "Hmph. I'd be happy if that bitch was asleep forever. She gets on my nerves so much I'd just love to wring her by the neck until she passes out from drowning on her own blo..." Kan is cut short after he realizes that he was just sucked out the airlock and is now rapidly suffocating. Alex watches out the window with a evil smile on his face as the paladin dies of air loss and suffers the fate of explosive decompression. "Took care of that." Everyone else just stares at him, wide-eyed and a little worried. Alex walks back into the main room as Allen is laughing his ass off on the monitor, and stands between the group and the new girl, "Gang, this is Lizy. She'll be staying with us for awhile." Upon uttering the name 'Lizy', Season shoots out of the bedroom and glomps her immediately, "LIZY-CHAN!!!" "EEVEE-CHAN!!!" "Allen sent her up here for awhile. Not sure why though." "Because I asked him." "No..." Allen's nervous voice booms over the speakers again, "I sent her up there to.. to... do all the housework! That's it! I figured you guys needed a hand around the satellite, so I launced her up there!" "I came here to see Eevee-chan again, and now Allen won't let me down." "I...I.. I'm sorry..." "Shut up! No you aren't!" "Anyway, we're glad to have you here, Lizy. We're going to have to ask if you have any talent to give us, though. Everyone needs to pull their weight around here." "Well, I suppose I could help Chris with the housework and stuff." "Great! Well, Allen, we took today's fic, and we'll wait for the next." "I sent her there. She didn't ask." "Right. Whatever you say." Ronnie replies as he shuts off the monitor.