This has SOME SEXUAL CONTENT. Not a ton, but there is some. I trimmed it from an easy X. No responsibility for any horniness. But, if this drivel is turning you on... *shudder* This also marks the introduction of some new concepts for me: I'm using ALL CAPS for the names of the characters, unless it's during dialogue I'm writing host segmants AND including BOBO... this is his GP debut. I'm also giving my MSTIES episode numbers... this is the fourth one. And, this is my first stinger. Also, an update - I'm working on the second part of the KoolAid fanfics... there were five of them, and I have three to go. I'll try to get them out within 2 weeks. Stay tuned for a surprise movie msting, due out by July. As always, comments are welcome. IN OTHER WORDS, I WANT SOME RESPONSES TO SATISFY MY MACHO MALE EGO, DAMMIT!!!! AAARRRGGGHHH! And NOWWWW.... EPISODE GP-04: "Sailor Moon: Fantasy!" "In the not-too-distant future Somewhere in time and space Mike Nelson and his robot pals Are caught in an endless chase Persued by a woman Whose name is Pearl An evil gal Who wants to rule the world She threw a few things in her purse And in her rocketship she hunts them all across the uni-VERSE 'I'm sending cheesy fanfics The dumbest ever seen! He'll have to sit and read them all And keep his comments clean!' Now keep in mind Mike can't control when the stories begin or end He'll try to keep some sanity With the help of his robot friends - ROBOT ROLL CALL! Cambot! Gypsy! Tom Servo! Cro-o-o-o-w! If you're wondering how he eats and breaths And other science facts Just repeat to yourself 'It's just made-up I should really just relax' For MYSTERY USENET THEATER... 3000! [1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL] MIKE: Oh, hi everyone. Well, it's been a boring day here on the SOL, the bots are away playing "You Don't Know Jack", and Pearl hasn't been calling -- [as if on cue, the YELLOW LIGHT begins flashing] MIKE: DOH! [VW BUG] PEARL: Hello, Nelson, no time for chitchat. Today's fanfic is GUARANTEED to make you retch, or so I'm told-- BOBO: That's right. I read it and I ended up having to-- PEARL: Shut up. Now. I don't WANT to hear it. Anyway, I am promised that it is painful, so, without ado, I present "Sailor Moon: Fantasy!" Brainguy... Send them the movie. [SOL] MIKE: But what about the bots? [VW BUG] PEARL: [To OBSERVER] Oh, and crash their computer. OBSERVER: Will do. [Mental rays] [SOL] [BOTS enter from left] CROW: Mike, the computer crashed, and I was about to-- [lights begins flashing] ALL: WE HAVE FANFIC SIGN! [6...5...4...3...2...1... THEATER] > Sailor Moon:Fantasy! [Hentai] CROW: Oooh, boy! SERVO: I'm psyched! CROW: Maybe this is our reward for those NIMH crossovers! SERVO: This is BETTER THAN THE COMPUTER! MIKE: I wouldn't get your hopes up. > Episode:01 > "Serenity Get's Married!" CROW: I sense a disturbance in the Force... > By the "Crystal Knight!" > E-Mail: Who09@aol.com > Recommended for those 18 and over. CROW: I'm still psyched. SERVO: I dunno, I became a bit apprehensive after that title... > Note: This Sailor Moon Fan Fiction Takes place > just after Sailor Moon:R! All the Characters from the DIC CROW: (To self) Keep your cool... Don't make a sound... > version of > Sailor Moon will be used except Serena. Instead, Serenity will be used. This > Fan Fiction contain words and descriptions of nudity. CROW & SERVO: Woo-hoo-HOO! > Read at your own Risk! Now on to the Story! > > ~~~EPISODE:01 "Serenity Gets Married!"~~~ > > Serenity woke up at 8:30 am. I was saturday. MIKE: And Wednsday was my sister. > When Serenity woke up, she was not wearing anything. SERVO: Well, nothing like killing off the dramatic tension by the first paragraph. > Her Panties were on the floor along with her Bra and the other clothes. CROW: (After a moment of stunned silence) Okay, now that my hope for this being an erotic fantasy are shot to hell, may I point out the strange use of capital letters for the words "bra" and "panties"? MIKE: I understand, buddy. It's a tough life. > Serenity went to the dresser drawer and opened one of > the drawers. Inside were a bunch of panties. SERVO: "Panties" alone does not a sex-story make. Nor does it make for good plotting. > There was many to choose from. CROW: (Serenity) Hmm, soiled red, soiled purple, stained white... MIKE: That'll be enough. > She saw a pair of satin panties that had Rabbits and Moons. She got the pair > out and slowly put them on. Then she put a bra on. SERVO: I just had a scary thought. What if people are actually turned ON by this? CROW: Impossible. (pause) (To MIKE) Right? MIKE: (pause) I'm.... er... afraid not. > She got one of her many > bunny tee shirts. Then she got several pairs of shorts out. Serenity put one > pair on. The others she put in her book bag. CROW: (Serenity) Nothing like going to school fresh and prepared! Now let's see... panties, shorts, dil-- MIKE: (cutting him off) CROW, what is WITH you today? You seem more racey than usual. SERVO: Must be the Hentai. > She also did the same for several pairs of panties. MIKE: So she's putting panties on OUTSIDE her shorts. SERVO: Ahh, Hentai. > Now she put on some socks and shoes on and > went down stairs. Her mother greeted her daughter. CROW: (mother) How's my little slut-er? > Mrs. Tsukino: "Hello, Serenity good morning! happy birthday!" MIKE: Oh, THIS is unexpected. SERVO: It took this long before he felt it necessary to tell us this!? MIKE: Well, that makes sense, given the-- WHAT!? > Serenity: "Thanks mom. That reminds me. I have to go to the temple > today." (All break out laughing) CROW: How could those be related? SERVO: Maybe this is some sorta psycological test, you know, word-relations... > Serenity grabs a piece of toast and ran out the door with her book bag. She ran to the > temple all the way. Once she got there the others was waiting. CROW: May I pose one question? SERVO: Go ahead! MIKE: We'll help you! CROW: Okay... Just what in the HELL kinda tense is this in!? (pause) MIKE: I dunno, actually. SERVO: Sorry. > Raye spoke up. > Raye: "Good morning Serenity! Happy birthday." > Amy: "Happy birthday!" > Lita: "Happy birthday Serenity!" > Mina: "Happy birthday, Princess!" SERVO: SHUT UP!!!! [SERVO begins sobbing] SERVO: Make it go away... MIKE: Don’t worry, calm down... > Serenity: "Thanks guys. Were's Darien?" > Raye: "He had to go out of town for a few days, but he wanted to tell > you happy birthday." CROW: So, in this dude’s mind, fifty-million characters saying “happy birthday” makes for an entertaining read? > Serenity looked down. Serenity just sat there on the > steps of the temple and looked depressed. MIKE: (Serenity) Man, I hate my birthdays. Everyone showers me with attention, and gifts, and... > A couple of hours passed and Suddenly for no reason, Serenity stood up. [They all begin laughing] CROW: This is bad. Really bad. > Her body tensed tightly. She felt him coming. CROW: That line is beneath even ME. > Serenity: "Why didn't you tell me he was coming?" Raye and the others > were surprised. > Serenity: "Shit! I pissed all over myself again!" [Silence] CROW: Oh... My... God... Just when I thought I’d seen it all. SERVO: She should have packed some DIAPERS. > Lita: "You should have gone to the bathroom and peed there insted of all > over yourself." MIKE: Oh, that’s an interesting idea. > Serenity: "I could help my self. SERVO: (Serenity) I COULD help myself, but I CHOSE not to. > I had no control over my body. It seems > when Darien draws closer my body tenses tightly. CROW: (Serenity) I begin running and screaming for the cops. > I pee all over myself. I get > sweaty. My heart pumps faster. My blood pressure rises. My pussy [SERVO AND CROW perk up] MIKE: Okay, boys, I’m afraid this isn’t for you. [As SERVO AND CROW begin whining, MIKE covers their eyes] > cums all over my panties. It's like my body responds to his appearance. And it is CROW: Come on, Mike, let us see! MIKE: Belive me, you’re not missing out on anything -- OUCH! HEY, stop biting! All right! All right! You can look! GOD... > doing just that now." Raye and the others were shocked. Serenity shorts > was wet at the crotch. She was still cuming and peeing all over herself. [pause] SERVO: Mike, can you either cover my sensor back up or shoot me? CROW: PLEASE, make it stop! [MIKE covers SERVO’S head] SERVO: Thanks. > She > was also nervous. Darien finally showed up. Serenity's body throbbed at > Darien's arrival. MIKE: Ahh, she’s remembering the bruises from the last time. > She was happy to see him. Serenity couldn't move. She just > stood there frozen, and just smiling ather prince. > Darien: "Happy Birthday sweetheart! My beloved > Meatball head!" CROW: (Serenity) You’re welcome, my beloved Jock-Strap-For-a-Brain! > Darien had two gifts in his hands. Serenity answered > back. MIKE: So, is this tennis? [SERVO groans in pain] > Serenity: "Hello Muffin! Thank you!" Serenity was still in excitement, > but she was slowly returning to normal. > Darien: "Serenity, why are you shorts wet?" CROW: This fic actually SAVES ME THE TROUBLE! > Serenity: "I will talk to you about it later. Raye can I change in your > bathroom?" > Raye: "yes, go ahead. Lita go with Serenity and help her get cleaned up, > please?" CROW: You know, usually when I see something like that sentence, I perk up. Right now, though, I just want to die. > Lita: "Sure. come on Serenity." Lita and Serenity > go into the restroom. Serenity took off her shoes and her shorts. Then > she took off her panties which were completely soaked with Serenity's Cum MIKE: All right, that’s it, we leave. Oxygen or no oxygen. [1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL] [SERVO is lying down on the desk, CROW is nowhere to be seen, but off in the background you can hear sounds of retching. MIKE, who is slowly running out of oxygen, smacks the red button] MIKE: PEARL! How could you!? [VW BUG] PEARL: Mike. Let me say, right now, that I am genuinely sorry for this fanfic. [SOL] MIKE: [Stunned] So you mean-- [VW BUG] PEARL: Yes. I’ll cancel the fanfic. But there’s just ONE little thing... [SOL] MIKE: Oh, PLEASE, send us MANOS II, send us The Return of the Neptune Men, ANYTHING BUT THIS!!! EVEN... [in a hushed tone] The Rangers of... [chokes the letters out] NIMH. [almost passed out by now] [VW BUG] PEARL: As appealing as that seems, I’m afraid I’ll send you a piece of drivel written by a popular flame-bait. [SOL] MIKE: [As if they were his dying words] Thank you! [VW BUG] PEARL: Observer. OBSERVER: Yes, madam? PEARL: [Whispers something] [OBSERVER goes pale(r?) for a minute, then:] OBSERVER: If you insist. Mike, I’m afraid it has come to this. A brief USENET rant, entitled, “Update:Death row "Black Widow" murderess Judy Buenoano,set to be murdered on 3/30,gives TV interview & declares her innocence.” It is written by the great Joe1Orbit, and I’m sure you’ll find it-- [SOL] MIKE: [Faintly] But-- [VW BUG] OBSERVER: You mean you don’t know who he is!? Well then. A brief summary. Allow me to send The Great Popalino over to you. [SOL] MIKE: [Almost gone] But-- [OBSERVER beams THE GREAT POPALINO into the SOL] [SOL] POPALINO: Joe1Orbit is a NetKook who hangs around alt.true-crime and basically begins massive flame wars. He is known for his long subject headers, a tendancy to coddle the criminal, and... well... just read on. [POPALINO dissappears, leaving MIKE ready for the USENET sign] MIKE: [As he drags himself off-screen] Must... Have... Oxygen... [6...5...4...3...2...1... THEATER] MIKE: [Sucking in air] Mmmmm... OXYGEN... > > Path: >winter.news.erols.com!howland.erols.net!news-peer.sprintlink.net!news.sprintlink.net!S >print!news-peer.gip.net!news.gsl.net!gip.net!portc01.blue.aol.com!audrey03.news.aol.c >om > !not-for-mail SERVO: Or for viewing by the general public. > From: > joe1orbit@aol.com (Joe1orbit) > Newsgroups: > alt.true-crime CROW: What about alt.false-crime? > Subject: > Update:Death row "Black Widow" murderess Judy > Buenoano,set to be > murdered on 3/30,gives TV interview & declares her innocence SERVO: Now THAT’S how to phrase a subject header. > Date: > 18 Mar 1998 16:05:17 GMT MIKE: Gooey male. Takers? > Lines: > 140 > Message-ID: > <1998031816051701.LAA23381@ladder03.news.aol.com> > NNTP-Posting-Host: > ladder03.news.aol.com > X-Admin: > news@aol.com > Organization: CROW: Not very well. > AOL http://www.aol.com SERVO: Oh, NO! Another AOL posting. > Xref: > winter.news.erols.com alt.true-crime:120190 > > Hello, CROW: Hey, Joe. > > Over in Florida, your pathetic society MIKE: Wait, when we got it we called it OUR pathetic society! > is getting ready to commit > legal murder against yet another unpopular human of the female gender. SERVO: Can’t he just say, “A loser woman?” > 54 year old Judy Buenoano, convicted of murdering her husband and disabled son, CROW: (Buenoano, raspy voice) Well, my Depends were overflowing, so I-- MIKE: Don’t be ageist, Crow. > and suspected of killing another man, is set to be murdered on March 30th, > just about 12 days from now. If this execution goes through, Judy will have > the distinction of being the very first female human to be legally murdered SERVO: What about Marie Antoinette!? > by the state of FL, in over 150 years. How nice to see your perverse culture > going backwards and embracing it's own barbarism, which was only SLIGHTLY more > irrational and perverse 150 years ago, than it is today. CROW: Aww, what a SWEET barbaric country! > > We learn below that Judy has given an interview to a local television > station, MIKE: WNET, perhaps? CROW: Nahh, they were GONNA, but they decided to rerun Overdrawn at the Memory Bank again... > in which she declares that she is ready to die, but maintains > her innocence, proclaiming that she did not kill either of the two people > that she was convicted of having slaughtered. MIKE: I’m confused. She’s ready to die, but she didn’t kill them!? What’s the point then? > > Judy is appealing the death sentence, CROW: Whatever happened to “I am ready to die!?” > and her lawyers cite the fact > that newly discovered files and records cast doubt upon the validity of > evidence processed by an FBI laboratory that concluded Judy to have deliberately > killer her hubby and son. SERVO: See, the security camera COULD have been rigged, and the bloody glove she dropped COULD have been planted... > > Declares Judy: "I would like to clear the record for my grandson. I > would like for him to know that his grandmother is not a murderer." MIKE: That WOULD be awfully traumatizing. > Nice tactical choice on Judy's part, to try and win sympathy from the masses by CROW: Bribery? > invoking a sense of familial love towards her grandson. But unfortunately it is > doomed to fail. Your pathetic society just LOVES to revel in the murder of others, SERVO: This guy has never played QUAKE. > based upon totally irrational and hypocritical moralism. MIKE: So, it’s unfair for us to kill her, but if she wants to kill her kids it’s okay? > And so it looks very > likely that the March 30th murder of Judy will occur on schedule, unless the > electric chair itself, which has been the subject of much controversy due to the > fact that there was a malfunction last year in which flames burst out of the > headpiece of one human, CROW: They should be CAREFUL when killing people not to accidently risk any lives. > as he was being legally murdered, is declared to > still be "unsafe" for use. SERVO: 100% of those who’ve tried it have died... Might be a health hazard. > > Judy states that the alleged poisonings and bombing were all accidents MIKE: I didn’t MEAN to put the bomb in his car! I swear! > and coincidents, and that she never tried to poison anyone. SERVO: But, of course, once she DID, she didn’t mind it so much. > She particularly is > vehement about denying that she deliberately pushed her crippled and > paralpegic 19 year old son out of a canoe in 1980, CROW: (Buenoano) I just wanted to smack him on the back... And he just fell... > then let him drown, as he wore > heavy braces on his legs which weighed him down. Judy declares that the canoe > capsized by accident, and that she did rescue her 12 year old son, but > was simply unable to rescue the 19 year old. I wonder whether this other son SERVO: Had a healthy relationship with his mom? > > TESTIFIED at her trial? If he was IN the canoe with his mother and 19 > year old brother, at age 12, he SHOULD have been able to offer SOME type of CROW: Help, perhaps? > testimony, regarding how the "accident" occured and whether or not his Mommy truly > did try to save the 19 year old. MIKE: (12 year old) Well, mommy pushed him over, then hit him over the head with the paddle, then told me she’d kill me if I said anything... > > Since Judy is not as young or beautiful or christian as Karla Faye SERVO: Is she related to Tammy Faye? > Tucker was, you pathetic humans, CROW: This man is inhuman? MIKE: Judging by his writing, I’d have to say he is. > always looking to pass JUDGEMENT CROW: I find you, Joe1Orbit, GUILTY of being a complete NITWIT! > upon the > value of the lives of others, are not protesting her impending murder at all. Of > course not, murder IS legal, after all, and all you Pathetic People SERVO: (Singing to the tune of a certain Marylin Manson song) Pathetic people, pathetic people... > need is for > your society to tell you that a certain ostracized human DESERVES to die, and > you are overjoyed to accept that proclamation and to cathartically vent your > bloodlust via the celebration of legal murder. MIKE: Sorta like watching the New Orleans Saints, eh? > > Take care, JOE CROW: It’s over? SERVO: This guy needs help [1...2...3...4...5...6... SOL] [MIKE is talking with the BOTS, who are totally disinterested] MIKE: Well, today was worst than most... Let’s see... We had to read an awful Hentai, I had to go without oxygen for three minutes, THEN we had to witness a startling display of net-kookery... OOG. CROW: So? Look on the bright side... There’s always-- SERVO: --You mean!? CROW: [In a reverent voice] Yes. CROW AND SERVO: TORGO!!!!!!!!!!!!! [The familiar tone begins -- DUN-dundundun-DUN-dundundun] [TORGO, played by, hmm, how about Paul, enters from right] TORGO: T-t-the MASTER w-w-wouldn’t... APPROVE of... of such f-f-fanfics... [MIKE AND THE BOTS are overjoyed] ALL EXCEPT TORGO: TORGO!!! Hey, how’s it been!? MIKE: Dang, there’s nothing like remembering the times when we actually had ART to view... [FADE OUT TO CREDITS as the TORGO music continues. TORGO and M&TB can be heard "conversing" (as best one can with TORGO) over the credits.] copyr. (C) 1998 The Great Popalino created by BBI written by The Great Popalino directed by The Great Popalino produced and funded by The Great Popalino DISCLAIMER: All characters were created by the warped geniuses of Mike Nelson, Joel Hodgson, Kevin Murphy, and BBI. TORGO was created by the warped insanity of Hal P. Warren. I only ripped the characters off. I am but a hack. etc.etc.etc. Keep the FTP archives circulating > Serenity: "Shit! I pissed all over myself again!"