MSTed: Sailor Moon in America AUTHORS' NOTES: ArsenalXIII: Finally, a shot at the big time! This fic will be my ticket to narrowly getting a marginal chance at maybe if the conditions are right getting a candidacy to the Review Council. Or maybe I'm just disillusioning myself. Damien K: Actually, that's 'deluding,' and, yes, you are. Oh well. I have to say, this is the out-and-out NASTIEST thing I've ever had the pleasure of MSTing. It was a real gas. Enjoy the show, folks! 'Sailor Moon' is copyrighted by Naoko Takeuchi. This fic is the property of Lord Serpent, and..... it has no parallel. The shorts are the property of THE FREAK.... and make the fic look like a cake walk. Refer to 'Red Dragon Rising' and 'Alex and Serena' for background. Procanadids are of my own invention, and cannot be used without permission. KASPAROV: Is this thing on? ARSENALXIII: Should be. It's draining power. KASPAROV: Good. Let's take a look at our little simian and his toys. TOM: Oh look, there's where Pitch first came to visit us. CROW: And there's that witch from 'The Undead' who kept on turning into stuff! MIKE: And there's Ortega.... TOM: What's wrong with Ortega? MIKE: Um, nothing. Oh look, here's where I nearly tricked Brain Guy into there theater. CROW: And there's when Pearl came on board.... ah, the blessed mint-giver. MIKE: What's the matter, Tom? TOM: All the people we've ever known *sniff*, they don't know where we are *sob*, we're, we're.... AlONE! KASPAROV: What's wrong with your robots now, you pathetic excuse for a carbon based life form? MIKE: They're just a little lonely. No one knows where we are, and they're getting a little scared.... KASPAROV: Lonely? Well, I'm sure I can scrounge up to morons of your caliber somewhere. Kornadov, engage the Inter-Dimensional Matter Transference Device. KORNADOV: The what?? KASPAROV: The Inter-Dimensional Matter Transference Device. We need to get some people on that ship. KORNADOV: You mean the Time/Space Organism Transporter. KASPAROV: Um.... yeah. I was just testing you. KORNADOV: Sure.... MICHIRU: Haruka, I think we've recieved another laserdisc.... HOTARU: What's the matter, Michiru-mama? HARUKA: Great. What's this one about? MICHIRU & HARUKA: NOOO!!! KORNADOV: We've got 'em. KASPAROV: Good. Disarm them. TOM: Disarm?? Is he sending _Nav_ up here?? MIKE: No..... he send 'em', denoting more than one. CROW: Geez Mike, getting a little scientific one us? MIKE: Actually, I'm more denoting the mere fact that 'em' is a shortened form of 'them', which is indeed plural. And to be precise, has more to do with grammar than with science in itself.... MICHIRU: Hm? What the... HARUKA: Whoever did this is going to pay big once I get out my... HARUKA... henshin stick?? KASPAROV: Looking for these? *with a flip of the wrist, Kasparov presents the henshin sticks for Saturn, Neptune, and Uranus* Wait... *counts henshin sticks, then people* ... we're missing one! KORNADOV: She could have been blown to atoms in a misfire. Won't be the first time its happened. HARUKA: If you're harmed Hotaru I'm kick that scaly lizard ass of yours back into the B-movie you slinked your way out of! KASPAROV: I think we look a little better than men in rubber suits... ARSENALXIII: Biological sensors have picked up a new signal in the holding bay. The ship's artificial gravity is higher than that on Terra, so it should hold her down... KASPAROV: Go capture her, Kornadov. That last thing I need is a Terran to get under the floorboards, steal crumbs of food, spread disease and reproduce by the thousands... KORNAOV: Umm.... sure. HARUKA: Once we get off this tub and get our henshin sticks back... KASPAROV: You'll do what?? No one knows where you are, and even if they could find out where you were, they'd still have to be able to travel through time and space safely in order to even get here! I'd like to see someone from your pitiful world with all of those abilities! SETSUNA: Hotaru? Haruka? Michiru? Is anyone here? SETSUNA: Strange indeed..... MICHIRU: Listen, Hotaru is okay, we're okay.... we're just going to be stuck here for a while... HARUKA: Well..... KASPAROV: In the mean time, you'll be doing exactly as I say.... umm.. uhh... Arsenal, hand me their dossiers. ARSENALXIII: I studied them _very_ extensively.... KASPAROV: Excellent.... wait, this is porn!! ARSENALXIII: _Very_ extensively. KASPAROV: Okay, today's little treat is by the master of 'pain = pleasure' himself, The Great Red Serpent, with a short by THE FREAK. Enjoy..... or not. ALL: We've got Serpent sign!! >Strage Ecounters >bye FREAK Tom: Sweet lord, he managed to misspell all but one of those words... Crow: Stay on target.... >Saiormon beongs to MEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! All: Crow: Man, that's really loud.... Mike: He must have gone to the 'Dr. Thinker School of Exclamation Points'. Haruka: First the asterisks, now the exclamation points?? When will the killing end? >Chapter One >Hortense wus walking down the strete Crow: Singing do-wad-ditty-ditty-dum-ditty-do.... Tom: That was obvious.... >and is whistling to herselve hapily. "I want to fuck Setuna, she >thought hapily. Haruka and Michiru: Nani?? Mike and the bots: What?? >"i wondre if Set-chan wants to fuckme? Then Alex came up to her >and sayd. Michiru: Are you ready to play 'Jeopardy'? Haruka: Wrong Alex. Mike: Oh, go ahead and have sex with her. Leave me with a broken heart... Haruka: One more crack like that... Mike: Sorry! Sheesh.... >"Of corse she does Horti-chan, go ansd fuckher. Haruka : Cause, see, Setsuna's a big pedophile! Michiru: *Ahem* > Even thogh me >and Shelly are just fiends, we still fuck." Tom: Hold it, didn't it say that 'Hortense' thought all of this? How did Alex know about this? Crow: Fire readings? The Force? Mike: 'Fiends'? Great, now we're getting an 'Overfiend' crossover. >Hortense smlied and huged her father/mama, Tom: "Huged" her? So now Alex is a giant? Haruka : Run! Alex-jira is coming! We must flee! > then whent. Mike: That's one of the more idiotic ways to refer to Haruka's relationship with Hotaru. Crow: They'd better be talking about the bathroom.... >________________________________________________________________ >________ Mike: Ah, a line. Reminds me of my first DUI. >Setuna starred at Hortense with pasion. "i whante you " she >sayed. Haruka: <'Setuna'> I also want h's and e's, dammit! More!! Tom: Don't they know that dolphins get caught in the nets when Setuna are caught? >________________________________________________________________ >________ Haruka: Everyone who wants to see me use a World Shaking on FREAK, sign on this line. >Andrew jamed his dick into Darrriens's butt. "your better than >serenea darien sayed. Mike: Richard, no!! Crow: Enough 'nick name' jokes... Tom: So Serena usually jams her penis into Darien's butt? Haruka: Let's just forget that line... >________________________________________________________________ >________ Tom: What is with the lines, already? Crow: I think they're what FREAK was snorting when he wrote this. >Artemis starred at Luna-p, then jumpd on her and hummmped >her."oh artmis, I luv u!!!" she cryed in pleesyre.Artemis knew >she wus just a toy bute she hade a perrsonnallity just like >Luna... Michiru: Setsuna, to be exact. Tom: Hold it. If Setsuna's having sex with Hotaru and voicing Luna P... Crow: Damn! That woman can multi-task! >________________________________________________________________ >_______ Michiru: *Not* *one* *word*. The line jokes have been done to death. Mike: I think you're *line*, Michiru. Tom: Yeah! Besides, if you're upset at us, get in *line*. Crow: Dr. F, for one, wants to *line* us up in his sights. >Hortense was getting it one with Setuna, Tom: At one, you mean. Oh, they're just meditating. Crow: Live in your own dream world..... >their fingers were inside eachother and they were screming Mike : Aaah! Get your finger out of my nose, Hotaru! Michiru : You're one to talk, get your hand out of my mouth! > with >pleesyre. Mike: Plee, syre, pleed! Tom: Despite the fact that Setsuna's straight, and not a pedophile....this is pretty much in character. Haruka: *whaps Tom* Tom: Ow! Just kidding.... Haruka: Oh, I dunno, if it wasn't Hotaru I think I could enjoy this scene... >"can I help" Renie sayed. "sire!" said Setuna. Renie liked her >cliyt. Tom: If Tsunai is to be believed, all the other Senshi like it, too. Haruka: Do you have a death wish? > then Mina >came and used her penis to penetrte them all. Then Alex used her >dildo to join in. Crow: REENIE? NOO!!!! The pink sugar abomination! Michiru: I see it was co-written by Robert Tsunai. Mike: Since when did Mina have a penis? Tom : And since when did you have a dildo? Haruka: Umm... pass. >________________________________________________________________ >________ Haruka: I've got it, this is The FREAK's CAT scan. >Lita starrrted to tye Amy up and then shoved an crowbar up her >ass. All: AGH! Ami-chan flashback!!! Crow: That is a horrible misuse of a _great_ MSTier. Tom: Watch for that fourth wall.... >________________________________________________________________ >________ >The endd ................... for now ............... Tom: AAAAAH! The dots! The dots are coming! They'll eat my skin! Mike: You don't have any skin. Tom: Oh, right. > Ded yu licke >it? e-male me freakyfreko@hotmail.com Mike: I wouldn't lick it if my life depended on it. Tom: Oh, you'll be getting mail, all right..... Crow: Well, let's *sees other fanfic starting* damn. > SAILOR MOON IN AMERICA Tom: Land of pilgrim's pride..... Crow: It is known that a great Fuku immigration happened over 200 years ago. > By > The Great Red Serpent (jcs0198@yahoo.com) Michiru: Freud would have a field day with this guy. > http://members.tripod.com/~lord_serpent/ > > ICQ# 11676563 Haruka: Mail bomb time! Mike: Now, now...... >------------------------------------------------------------ Haruka: That's a line of bull! > STANDARD DISCLAIMER: (done in a really monotonous and >non-enthusiastic voice)... Tom: The voice a normal reader would have when reading this. > Okay, if you're under 18, don't > read this. All: Read it.... read it... Mike: Do the deed..... Haruka: Do not eat this. SMiA is not for public consumption. Do not taunt SMiA. > Okay, I don't own Sailor Moon Michiru: THANK GOD! Tom: Imagine if he did, you'd carry around S&M toys in your bag, and have sex with all the Inners... OW! Michiru: That's enough. > and we all > know where the credit goes. So now that all the > boring stuff's outta the way, let's get on with the >fanfic. Michiru: I'd rather not... Tom: Please, the introduction's interesting! I wanna know where credit is due! >------------------------------------------------------------ Tom: All those minus signs... must be Serpent's report card. Mike: No insulting the author, Tom. Tom: But, Mike, it's so easy! > Okay, here's the basic background. ] Crow: There is no background. Psyche! Tom: My motto is screw 'em silly with no exposition! > The story takes > place sometime between R and S, Mike: It takes place on the mythical letter 'dzxvxcz'. > and the Senshi are visiting > Ami's cousin Christina, who lives in the midwestern > United States. Tom: Ah, the lovely city of Detroit and its charming suburbs. Thanks a lot, Henry Ford!! Mike: Whoa, cool it. > Ohio, to be exact. Okay, time to party! Haruka: So basically this fic will be one giant kegger.... Crow: That's all right with me! >------------------------------------------------------------ Crow: They say that TGRS is really a very *dashing* character. > "FIRE SOUL!!!!" > A burst of flame shot out from the young girl's > inter-locked fingers, blazing toward the screeching > projectiles. Tom: In other words, Mars used her attack. > Upon contact, the flame overcame six of the > missles, disintegrating them. Crow: Add another sexually implicative phrase to Serpent's tally! > "SPARKLING WIDE PRESSURE!!!!" Tom: What the hell does that mean, anyway? It barely has anything to do with electricity! > Two more were destroyed. > Seven missles were left, Haruka: Seven missiles? What are they doing, fighting a patriot launcher? Tom: So much for the Great Fox... > three heading for the Senshi, > but the remaining four were flying toward Crow : A certain pair of demented Procanadids. Haruka: Amen to that. > the crowd > who had gathered to watch the battle that was going > on in the street. Tom: Shouldn't they be fleeing for their lives right now? I mean, people usually don't wait around where missiles are involved. > "VENUS LOVE ME CHAIN!!!!" > A golden light sprouted from the right hand of > the curvaceous blond, Haruka : Thanks, Serpent! Michiru: I think he meant Minako. Mike: You're cleaning that up.... > condensing into a gloden chain which wrapped > itself around the four projectiles Tom: The hell? I call foul! There's no way that chain could intercept missiles! Crow: Just smile and look stupid. > headed for the crowd, > crushing them and causing them to explode. Mike: No, I think crushing then would only increase their aerodynamic stability. Crow: Snap out of it! There are people here who didn't major in physics! > And as for the three remaining missles, all > headed for the general area in which the Senshi were > standing... Tom: I fart in your general direction! Crow: Obscure... Mike: The day Monty Python is obscure is the day I die. > As for them.... Haruka: The missiles missed pitifully, and the Senshi easily finished off the youma-of-the-day. Tom: Sometimes it is too predictable... > It was way too late. > The first one exploded at the feet of the > blue-haired genius, sending a blinding green light in > all directions. Michiru: Ah, Christmas lights. Beautiful... Crow: Pretty... Mike: So the monster's shooting phosphorus flares at them? Michiru: That's actually pretty deadly, considering what other youmas have used... > She > screamed loudly as she was thrown a full twenty feet, Mike: Exactly how big are these missiles? Crow: Well, the Love Me Chain took out four of them... Tom: So basically, yeah, phosphorus flares... Haruka: He's just doing this to rub it in that Ami's a wimp. > landing > in the vicinity of the five hundred-or-so spectators > gathered in a circle around the group. Mike: Are there even that many people in Ohio? Crow: Yeah, but most of them are from Indiana... > The crowd could easily see the gash > that a shrapnel had left in her forehead, Tom: Um, shrapnel is plural. Mike: Give the guy a break. At least he's breaking the 'youma of the day' rut. > and the multiple > punctures that other fragments had made Crow: Ah, Ami's been "Swissed". Haruka: Now, that's just cheesy. Mike: I don't know, I thought it was pretty gouda. > in her arms >and legs, Crow: Phosphorus is a deadly weapon.... > along with the left breast that had been bared when > her fuku was torn by the blast, Haruka: This may not be so bad after all! Tom: Say.... Crow: Tom! Mike: Finally, I don't have to be the personality-less correcter. > but they weren't in the mood to be com- > passionate; the only thing they wanted to see was > blood. So Tom: They went to watch a *real* bloodsport. Yes, Springer was on. > they threw her ass back out into the "arena." Mike: What good is her donkey going to do? Haruka: Ew, they cut off her butt and through it at the monster! Tom: Hey, that's still more effective than 'Shabon Spray'.... > The second missle hit Jupiter square in the > chest, and would've impaled her if her breasts had > been smaller; Mike: Correct me if I'm wrong, but I always thought missiles _exploded_, not impaled. Michiru: Remember, phosphorus... Tom: Damn, we said that word so many times it's lost all meaning! > her > right breast was able to act as padding to afford her > vital organs protection from the blast, Crow: Bullet-proof support bra; works everytime! Tom: I think that was conclusive evidence that they're not real. > but at the expense of half > that same breast being blown right off her torso, Mike: Did it hit her on an angle or something? How can you blow something off without going through it? Tom: Nope, 'square on the chest'. > causing the > crowd to rush at the opportunity of being the first to > catch the nipple before it landed on the ground. Crow: The hell? Is this the Midwest or California? Tom: And now, the group Nipple Catch! Haruka: Nipple catching! IT'S EXTREME! > The lower right > quarter of her ribcage was badly fractured, Michiru: No, I thought the missile would bounce off harmlessly... Haruka: Considering how well endowed she is... Michiru: Is there something you're not telling me? Haruka: Never mind.... > miraculously not > puncturing any internal organs, but splintering > outside,creating a massive hole in the skin over her > abdomen, spraying out blood like a fire hydrant with > its cap taken off. Mike: So she basically lost all of her blood in two seconds. Tom: Yep.... I guess it's a snuff fic. Haruka: Either that or this is a fusion crossover with Army of Darkness. > Just > like her blue-haired colleague, she, too, was Michiru: A bookworm? Crow: Lacking in personality? Haruka: Extremely cute? We knew that much already... > thrown > back by the blast, but she was knocked straight out of > the middle of the street in which the fight was taking > place, straight through the crowd (punching a hole in > the crowd and even killing about fourteen people, such > was the force driving her), Crow: A missile that can't even pierce her breast send her flying fast enough to kill 14 people?? Tom: More proof that *they're not real*. > and finally > stopping when the glass wall Mike: Goodness knows there's a lot of those lying around. > of a building Mike: Oh. > broke her flight, > the breakage Tom: 'Breakage'? Crow: Okay, Serpent, you're getting a little out of it in the grammar department.... Mike: And Warrior's thesaurus strikes again! > of the glass leaving gashes in her arms and legs, > all over her face, Mike: Hold it, if she was 'thrown back', how did it enter the face? Tom: Smile and nod... [Suddenly, the tape fast-forwards briefly. Mike, Haruka, and Michiru wince reflexively] Crow: Gah...she can't take it there... Haruka: Thanks, Kasparov...I think. Kasparov (over the speakers): I must be getting soft. Lacerated genitilia isn't quite as amusing as it used to be. > The last projectile grazed Sailor Venus' hair, > pulling out her red ribbon but otherwise doing no > damage whatsoever. Crow: Oh, now we see the author's favorite... All but Michiru: Author's pet, author's pet, Minako is an author's pet! > It careened past her, finding its point of detonation > somewhere among the crowd. Everybody was temporarily > blinded by the green light Tom: The light of... the Green Lantern! > given off by the explosion, and a mixture > of about equal parts human bodies and fragments of > concrete could be seen flying up to two hundred feet > into the air Haruka: So, basically, your average Quake game. Mike: The hell?? Is this the same kind of missile that couldn't get through Makoto's breast, but it vaporizes people? Tom: They're not real... Crow: I never knew Makoto's breast contained such magical powers... > before the > explosion decided to allow its victims the priviledge > of once again touching the ground. Haruka: Translation: The explosion left body parts strewn about. Tom: Translation: The missile went boom and chunks of people flew everywhere. Crow: Geez Serpent, it's porn, not rocket science.... Mike: Well, at least he puts time into his writing. Michiru: He misspelled 'privilege'. > Bodies of men, women, Crow: Hermaphrodites... > children, > infants, and teenagers splattered upon contact with > the concrete, either when they first hit the crater > that was left of the pavement, or when ten-foot-long > pieces of sharp, jagged concrete fell on top of them. Mike: So..... this couldn't get through Makoto's breast... Crow: Get over it Mike... > One man's skull was crushed like an egg > when a piece of concrete fell on him, sending his eyes > out to two feet from where the remaining senshi were > standing, Tom: Cute. Mike: Look! Jello jigglers! Crow: Oh, she's a jiggler all right.... > and when > a pregnant woman hit the jagged edge of the massive > hole that was put in the sidewalk, her uterus > ruptured, Haruka: Okay, no 'Star Gentle Uterus' jokes.. > the resulting gey- > ser of amniotic fluid sending the fetus out of her > womb at a speed of about seventy-five miles per hour > and crashing into the opposite wall of the > twenty-foot-deep by thirty-foot-wide crater, exploding > the tiny body of the unborn child into miniscule > pieces which got all over everybody within a ten-foot > radius. All: O_O Mike: The hell??? Crow: Rocker Powered Fetus, AWAY!!! Tom: A crater?? Michiru: The crater from the missile. Tom: Oh. Haruka: This fic reads like a physics problem! > Some three hundred people were killed in the blast, > with about one hundred and fifty injured. Mike: 300 people killed by the *fetus*??? Crow: I think he means the missile... Tom: And yet it *still* couldn't get through Makoto's iron bosom. Haruka: I think the 'patriot missile' launcher crack is correct. > The remainder of the crowd let out a loud roar > of satisfaction upon seeing this, their bloodlust out > of control at this point. They rushed upon the bodies > of the dead and the helpless injured, including > Mercury and Jupiter. Mike: This isn't the Midwest! The Midwest is the Bible Belt, for cryin' out loud! They're even ashamed to procreate! Crow: Didn't they 'throw their asses back into the arena'? Tom: Smile.... > About twelve men from the crowd advanced on > Mercury's limp, placid, and unconscious body. Mike: The Placid Jack Acid, at your service! Tom: I would say something about shameless plugs, but that's Jamie's line. Haruka: Watch that fourth wall, guys. > "So, you're not so tough > now, are ya, bitch!" Michiru: She wasn't very tough to begin with. I mean, she was knocked out by a phosphorus flare. Tom: That killed 300 people... Mike: ... and *still* couldn't get past Jupiter's breast. > one yelled at her as he kicked her in the > stomach, the blood coming out of her mouth evidencing > that he had busted one or another of her internal > organs. Crow: She was only thrown 20 feet... Tom & Mike: Ami is a wimpy Sailor, Ami is a wimpy Sailor.... Haruka: Still, she's more macho than Mamoru can ever hope to be. > Another one picked up the severed head of some > unfortunate who had fallen victim to the third bomb, Mike [Al Snow]: What does everyone want? Bots: HEAD! Michiru: Ug smash! Haruka: Are you feeling well? Tom: So now were at the beginning of '2001: Space Odyssey'? Crow: That was a *thighbone*... Tom: Whatever. > and threw it at Mer- > cury, hitting her full in the back of her skull. All: PACK!! > The rest of her > attackers laughed, and then a third one from the group > went over and pulled up what was left of her skirt... Mike: Hur hur, pain is funny. Crow: I have a strong feeling this is going to turn into 'Ami-chan' any second now.... > As for Jupiter, a mob of at least twenty-eight > were ganged up on her still-conscious but heavily > bleeding form. Tom: Let's see, of the 500 people we started with, 450 were killed or wounded by a phosphorus flare..... Crow: A few probably got taken down by the fetus.... Tom: So we have what now, 30 people or so? > Of these, > she managed to fight off the first two, sending a > front kick through the first one's abdomen (and out > his back), Haruka: So she's able to kick through people, her breasts can take heavy missile fire... Tom: Yep, we have a new author's favorite. Crow: Of course you know this means she'll get raped. > and crushing > the second one's ribs with her right fist, putting a > bone straight into his left lung, making him stagger > back while coughing up blood. She kicked him again in > the groin, Crow: Seem familiar, Mike? Mike: Shut up. > her fear > generating enough of an adrenalin rush to cause the > sole of her boot to crush his balls like eggshells and > drive his penis into his body, breaking his pelvis in > half and causing his dick to come out his asshole. Michiru: Test audiences' reviews of this fic grew violent today.... Mike: Eggshells? Testes are usually kinda soft... Tom: You should know Mike, you examine yours everyday... Crow: I like how he attributes the ability to drive your foot through someone as a mere adrenalin rush.... > After breaking the two guys down, the strength > of her adrenalin rush was overcome by the Crow: ... the fact her mighty bosom, the source of her power, had been blown off.... Mike: From the makers of 'Sampson and Delilah' comes 'Makoto and the missile'. > pain of a thousand tiny (and > not-so-tiny) pieces of glass lodged in various parts > of her voluptuous anatomy. Haruka: It's not so voluptuous any more... Crow: A pity, really. > The thrusting movements involved in pun- > ching and kicking her assailants had caused the glass > in her body, Michiru: To slice her to bits, causing her to die of blood loss. Is that it, can we go now? [The tape fast-forwards again momentarily.] Crow: Okay, how the hell did a *six-inch shard* get up that far. Haruka: Adamantium diaphram, maybe--Hell, I don't know. > to move around and cause even > bigger cuts with even more bleeding. The broken parts > of her ribs also moved a little bit outward, enlarging > the gash over her abdomen and getting even more blood > over her already-saturated fuku. Michiru: How much blood does she have? She's already been 'bleeding like a fire hydrant'.... Crow: My hypothesis on the Great Red Serpent fics: Anime women have unlimited amounts of cum and blood. > The pain became so awesome that even though > she still remained conscious, she collapsed. Mike: Awesome man.... totally radical... Tom: So she was hit by a missile, by still remained standing until now?? > It was now that the other twenty-six attackers > had reached her, some seventeen men and nine women. Mike: Well, here it 'comes', guys.... > The first of > these, a man, wasted no time in grabbing her face off > the pavement, Tom: Sweet lord! He's ripped her face clean off! Mike: Feeling a little dark today? > unzipping his pants, and cramming his dick into her > mouth. Haruka: ... and out the back of her skull. Tom: That's right.... join the dark side. > Even in her now-helpless condition, her indomitable > spirit drove her to resist in the only way she could, > so she bit it, but the pain just seemed to arouse him > even more. Mike: So despite the fact she could have bit through his penis like a cracker, he's aroused? Tom: Nothing gets me aroused faster than getting castrated during oral sex! > A second man went around to her back and picked > up her hips. Michiru: My God!! He's ripped Makoto's hips _clear_ off of her body! Mike: The darkness is closing it... > He had opened his fly on the way there, Tom [The Fly]: Help me! Help me! Crow: Oh, how convenient.... *** > so he simply > lifted her up and started fucking her, driven on > almost to the point of orgasm itself when... [The tape fast-forwards once more, and Mike squirms in his seat in pain] Mike: GAH! Crow: And *he* can't take it *there*... Tom: So, this guy some how managed to miss the six inch shard up until now? Haruka: Oh, so now he's a bannana split? > The others were kicking her and beating her with > pipes, rocks, Haruka: And other drug paraphernalia. > or whatever they could find, while either waiting > their turn to take her, or fighting the guys that were > already fucking her now totally limp body. Michiru: Where did they get all of this room? There's two people basically covering her body... Mike: Maybe she's 50 feet tall or something. Crow: That would explain how that guy managed to miss the glass shard.... > Back to the other three Senshi. The crowd, > though worked up in a frenzy, were still too cowardly > to attack them, Tom: Don't you just hate it when the author contradicts himself? Crow: They're frenzied! No, they're cowardly! No.... > but they > themselves were already engaged Mike: If they're engaged, they shouldn't be having sex with other people! > with the creature that > had fired those missiles. Mike: Flares. Crow: Cruise missiles. Mike: Flare! They didn't even pierce a single breast! Crow: Cruise missile! It killed 300 people! Tom: Cruise flares? Mike & Crow: Maybe.... > The creature looked like a blue-skinned > human woman with two heads, six arms, two legs, and > four ripe breasts that could rival Jupiter's, Haruka: Jupiter's breasts, my ancient rival! Eat these melons! Hikeeba! > and she was wearing a > revealing, red vinyl teddy and carried what resembled > a rocket launcher in each arm. Mike: So, basically, Slymenstra Hymen. Michiru: *Vinyl* teddy? That must chafe.... Crow: It could explain the creature's aim. > She fired three more missles at the > Senshi, but Mars was able to destroy them without > anybody getting hurt. Tom: So he spent a paragraph describing a rocket fetus, but a single sentence describing an important action scene. > The creature attempted to fire again, but ended up > cursing in an unintelligible language Michiru : Think before you say each word! > when she > realized she didn't have any more missles... Mike: Flares. Crow: Tomahawk cruise missiles. > Out the corner of her eye, Venus noticed the mob > that was gang-banging Jupiter. Mike: Like maybe I should, like, do something! Crow: I think I'll join them! Give them a real woman! Haruka: Crow.... > Unable to get there because the youma > already had most of her attention, and unwilling to > hurt innocent people who were under a spell she > decided to try saving her friend another way. Tom: Oh, so _now_ they're under a spell. How convenient. Crow: Umm.. uh, oh yeah, the motive for the rape! I knew I forgot something! > "VENUS LOVE-ME CHAIN!!!!" > Once again the yellow light solidified into a > chain of pure gold, which surrounded the group that > was around Jupiter's vagina and buttocks Mike: Both of which had been ruthlessly torn from her body... Tom: Okay, now we're getting a little too dark. > (which was about three-quarters of the > entire group), and tied that body of people together. Crow: Ah, a gang-banger round-up.. Tom: Let's herd these rascals in and brand 'em! Michiru: Considering who's writing the story, they'd probably enjoy it. > Venus > then moved her hand to the right, and the chain pulled > the people off and away from Jupiter, and then > loosened, throwing them in the air about ten feet, > rendering all but one unconscious when they fell. Tom: Huh? She has arms the size of twigs! She probably has trouble lifting her henshin stick! Haruka: She's not that out of it. > Seeing this, the others who were still with > Jupiter lost heart and ran. Crow: Oh no, she can tie people up and fling them for short distances! Run away! > "Usagi, keep this nega-freak busy," Michiru: Serpent, just make up your mind, is this dub continuity or not? Haruka: It's a lemon, who cares? > Mars said to > her comrade. "I gotta rescue Ami!" Haruka: For some strange reason I had to wait until after Ami was violated to rescue her! > Without waiting for an answer, Mars left the > fight with the monster and jumped into the crowd. Mike: STAGE DIVE!! > Like Venus, she didn't want > any innocent people getting hurt, so she used a Crow: Stun gun! Mike and Tom: Gooooooooldberg... Michiru: What are they going on about now? Haruka: Don't ask. > number > of ofuda, freezing the people in their tracks in order > to make a clear path to her blue-suited friend... Tom: Yet she had no problem standing there while Ami got raped for a while. Crow: Can you say 'double standard'? > About this time, somewhere around thirty seconds > after the remnants of her skirt had been pulled up, Mike: They were ticketed for speeding and arraigned in a superior court. Tom: Mike? You okay? Mike: It said 'pulled up'.... never mind... > Mercury's > formerly-virginal rectum was now being dialated by the > constant throbbing of two penises simultaneously > having at her orifice. All: @_@ Haruka: ... no.... Mike: It's happening.... Ami... chan.... flashback.... Tom: Quick guys, let's destroy the theater!! Crow: Mike... help. Tom: ugh.... Mike: Sorry guys.... Mike: ... maybe that wasn't such a good idea. > By now she had lost so much blood as to barely > even remain conscious, but the feeling was Haruka: Painful! Very, very painful! If you say it's anything but, I will kill you, Serpent! > something > she had never felt before, the feeling of two objects > going in and out, churning her large intestine like > crazy. Mike: Remember to churn the large intestine well, and before you know it you'll get a thick rich piece of butter... Tom: 'Like crazy'? What about 'like a ship adrift in a hurricane'? That would fit better with the general feel of the story.... > The constant motion > of foreign objects in her gastric tract produced a > welling up of gas in her abdomen, and also an > increasing feeling of diarrhea, Crow: Little did the gang-bangers know that Ami's arse was about to launch chemical warfare. Tom: Prepare the mustard gas! Mike: Arm the chimichangas! Haruka: Load the refried beans! Michiru: You guys are too weird.... > but also washing her over with a sense of pleasure Mike: You called it. Haruka: I hate my life. > she would never forget, and for which, from this day > forward, she would always feel ashamed. Michiru: I fail to see how having to rock hard rods throbbing in your anus could possibly be pleasurable. Tom: I'm more interested on how they're doing this without lubrication. Crow: Don't you know? Two of the guys happened to have some lubricant on them. It's just _convenient_. > As for the other ten attackers, one of them had > grabbed her head by the ears, and was masturbating his > cock with her mouth, in much the same way as a > necrophiliac with an old, rotting corpse. Crow: I'm an expert on this kind of thing! Mike: Crow! No flames! > Of course, there wasn't much else he could > do, seeing that she was barely conscious and not able > to move in any way whatsoever, not able even to fight > back. He took advantage of her helplessness and > jerked her mouth up and down his pitifully small > shaft, Tom: Ah, I see the author's self-inserted himself again.... > to his heart's content, > laughing maniacally all the while he was doing so, in > the manner of a little child who had just found out > how to get to the cookie jar when his parents weren't > looking, the glint in his eyes unmistakably that of a > mentally under-developed individual. Mike [Forrest Gump]: Mah momma always told me that rape was like a box o' chocolates. Tom: I restate; the author has self-inserted himself. Mike: C'mon, be nice. This is much better than the crap we usually read. Crow: So Jupiter's being raped by a bunch of retards? Haruka: Are there any other kind of people in the Mid West? Mike: I think our author is from the Midwest... > Such was the state of everyone here. Finally, > he was about to come... Crow: Oh, so they people are only stupid because they were put under a spell... Mike: Maybe it was because they were stupid that they were put under the spell in the first place. > "BURNING MANTRA!!!!" > The man's body was unharmed, Haruka: Because "Burning Mantra" isn't even an attack. Michiru: Of course getting hit by a giant flaming projectile isn't going to hurt. It'll feel like a cool breeze! Tom: The man's body was unharmed, but Ami could only be identified by dental records. Crow: A good time to go dark. > but his hair was singed > by a disk of Martian fire, Mike: It's the War of the Worlds!! > one of several which careened past > the dodecad Tom: The hell? Is that a word? Crow: Co-written by the Warrior's thesaurus. Mike: I think we did that one already... > of assailants, as warning shots. Of course, > they were all so preoccupied with when it's gonna be > "their turn" to pump the "blue-headed piece of meat" Haruka: Yeah, I'm gonna pump five gallons of gas into this bitch! Fill 'er tank to the brim! Michiru: Thanks for that image. Crow: Knowing Serpent, that's a pretty good assumption of what's going to happen. > that was > powerless before them. But then, in her > determinedness, Rei started to run toward them, the > warning having failed, and was so focused on them that > she didn't even notice a missle heading past her... Haruka: And hitting Serpent square between the eyes. Mike: Flare... Crow: Cruise mis- Tom: Guys, please. > The monster had reloaded and had shot a missle > off at Rei, Mike: It also shot out an 'i'. Tom: Yeah, 'missle'. Real funny. Mike: Hey, I try. > and a second one at Usagi. Usagi, in an unusual dis- > play of quick thinking, Crow: Hey!! Totally OOC! Haruka: She's considerably brighter when S rolls around, you know. Crow: What? No she's- Haruka: She's considerably brighter. Crow: Yes'm. > obliterated the first one with her > tiara. The second one, however, made it past her, and > toward its intended target. Tom: It wanted a chance to pump that blue headed piece of meat as well! Ow! > Of course, Rei was already so busy moving that > the missle missed her entirely, Crow: Did he always spell 'missile' like this? Mike: I don't know.... > and headed toward the first object, > or group of objects, that was in a straight-line path. > That group of "objects," coincidentally, turned out to > be the wolf-pack that was currently raping Mercury. Mike: WOLFPAC 4-EVER!! > About six people > were hit, two of them vaporized, three others knocked > unconscious by the force of the blow, and the sixth > mortally wounded, his clothing saturated with his own > and his comrades' scarlet life-fluids. Haruka: Is this the same missile that killed 300 people? Mike: And couldn't get through Jupiter's breast... Tom: And only knocked Ami back 20 feet.... Crow: Why doesn't he just say 'blood'? > Two more were knocked down > with multiple fractures, unable to fight or to do so > much as pick themselves up off the pavement; no > matter, as the remaining four now had eight less > people to share Mercury's pussy with. Crow: What? Four people were crammin' theirs up there at once?? Tom: Gee, I thought they were having anal sex back there. > It was into this remnant that Mars flung > herself, a part of her selfishly thanking the monster > for making her work a little bit easier. Of the four > left, the two were still fucking Ami's ass, Tom: And the other two decided to go for Ami herself, instead of her donkey. Mike: Now we're back to the anal sex. Crow: When you're deciding how to violate the Senshi, just take a form of sodomy and stick with it. > and the third was knocked out of > her mouth by the missle blast, and was currently > fighting with the fourth. Tom: What? A missile that killed 300 people detonated right next to him, and he was only knocked out of her mouth?? > Rei decided not to worry, as of yet, > about the ones who were fighting for her mouth, and to > concentrate on liberating her friend's asshole. Crow: The hell?? They make it sound like a revolution. Tom: The 'Asshole' revolution paved the way for rectal governments to come.... Haruka: Bad pun there, Tom. Mike: I claim this asshole for Spain! > She jumped > into the air and extended her right foot, Tom : You do the hokey-pokey and you turn yourself about... > bringing it > square into one of the buttfucking idiots, Michiru: Yet 'Jason' had his share of it in the last fic... Mike: He only stuffed a frozen _cucumber_ up there.... Crow: Big difference. > her heel going > directly into his left pupil, and going straight into > his brain. Tom: Those are some loonnggg heels... Crow: She has good aim! Not only did she hit his eye, she hit it dead on in the pupil! > Needless to say, he more than staggered back; All: Duh! > he > was pushed out of her with the force of the blow, and > with the wound to his brain, death was merciful and > immediate. Mike: Oh yeah, don't want to hurt any innocent people who were under a spell... Crow: He just wants to drive the point home that the rest of the Senshi are bumbling morons who couldn't tie their shoelaces without Rei's help. > The other guy pulled out of Ami by his own > volition, not because of what happened to his friend, > but because the appearance of what he thought of as > "fresh meat." Tom: The enemy's approaching man! Pull out, man, pull out!! > In his > lust, he reached out his hands to take her, but she > responded by balling up a fist and slamming it into > his temple, before he could even touch her. Mike: 'She hit him in the head'. Crow: So before they were too cowardly to attack them, but now they're all for it. Tom: This has to do with the 'frenzied cowardice', I just know it.... > She could hear > a slight cracking sound as her fist made contact with > his skull, Haruka: Nothing like crackin' a few skulls before the day is done. > and even though he didn't fall over dead, he was > rendered unconscious. Tom: Damn! I was hoping to kill more innocent people under a spell! Crow: Has it ever occurred to her to use her ofuda? > As for the other guys who were > fighting over Mercury's mouth, they lost their nerve > upon seeing Mars dispatch with their "friends" so > quickly, and simply ran away... Mike: I've got to... run away, I've got to.... Tom: More 'frenzied cowardice' for ya. > Venus had Jupiter's placid form with her as she > made it back to where Usagi was fighting with the > youma. Crow: That's right Venus. Take her to a place where she's more likely to get hurt. Smart girl. Haruka: I'd hate to say this, but that is about the limit of her intelligence. > Upon making it there, she was able to let Jupiter down > on the concrete gently before getting back into the > fray. Mike: *crack* Oops. Sorry about that, Jupiter. Tom: Oh yeah, she's been hurt. Move her spine around a lot. > The monster was currently on the defensive, Moon using > "Moon Princess Halation" on it, yet standing up to the > attack quite well. Michiru: Despite the fact that particular attack always kills the monster.... > Venus saw this, and promptly initiated > her Crescent Beam, hitting the youma square in the > chest, knocking her back yet still standing. Crow: Yup, if the Imperium Crystal can't handle it, hit it with the wimpiest weapon that the Sailor Senshi have! Tom: Besides Shabon Spray. Mike: Weak? It's a laser! Crow: Have you ever seen it actually _kill_ anything? Mike Well.... > By an act of will, > she turned up the power of the beam, strengthening it, > and sent it through the youma's chest, even through > the heart. Tom : Deus ex always wins... > Upon this action, the monster crumbled into > dust, and all the remaining bystanders fell > unconscious... Mike: well, the orgy of blood and violence is over... now Serpent's going to have to think of a _plot_. >------------------------------------------------------------ Tom: The airfield's clear, sah! Crow: I've never seen a single helix DNA strand before.... > In a hospital waiting room, Usagi, Rei, Minako > had been up all through the night, deeply concerned > about the other two girls' condition. Mike: I hope Makoto _comes_ around.... Crow: Mike! > Ami's cousin, Christina (with whom > they were staying for the summer), was there as well, > but she had fallen fast asleep a good two hours ago. Haruka: The Americans are weak! Now is the time to invade! > About three in > the morning, they were talking amongst themselves, Michiru [Usagi]: Can you believe Makoto's breasts blocked a missile? Haruka [Rei]: See? I told you she had implants. > perplexed > over the incident that had happened earlier. Tom: So Rei, why did you wait until Ami was sodomized? Mike: I don't want to talk about it. > "It's not fair!" exclaimed Usagi, "Monsters > can't follow us on vacation!" Crow: Get ready to cue ear-splitting whining.... > "So a monster shows up and you suddenly start > whining about your vacation! Tom : I don't wanna work, I just wanna kick some youma butt all day. > You're so selfish! Get a clue, > Meatball-head!" was the inevitable retort from Rei. Tom: Hold it, the author's using the Japanese names and the dub dialogue? My head is starting to hurt.... > "If it isn't the Dark Kingdom, it's the Doom > Tree; if it isn't the Doom Tree, it's the Black > Moon. And if it isn't any of them, it's Michiru : ...the Great Red Serpent! > YOU! I don't need this from you, Rei! > You're soooo self-righteous!" Usagi whined. Mike: So Rei sent the monster? Whoa, now that's a plot twist! Crow: Yup..... ear-splitting whine is starting right on schedule.... > "Quiet down, you two." Minako interrupted. > "You're gonna wake up Christina. Besides, the > important thing is that we need to figure out where > that thing came from and what they want, so we can be > ready for it if there's a next time." Tom: We can pack condoms and lubricant so we can get violated safely and painlessly! Crow: We also might want to grab some mouth wash. Mike: Guys.... > "Mina's right." Rei added. "Now if Usagi here > would just shut up about her vacation being ruined..." Haruka: Oh yeah, I bet she was really worked up about seeing all of the _great_ monuments in the Mid West.... > Usagi was about to let out another one of her > famous whines, > but Minako again interrupted both of them. "Rei, > that's exactly the kind of thing I'm talking about > here. Can't you just for once stop tormenting her?" Mike: No. I need to rub the fact she's completely worthless into her face again and again and again and.... Tom: We get the point. > Rei discontentedly shut up, and for the rest of > the night just eyed Usagi real funny, Michiru : She's got a cute butt. Haruka: Ano... Michiru... > the "if looks could > kill" type of stare. Crow: If looks could rape, in this case. Mike: Okay, I think Serpentism is starting to spread. Tom: Speaking of serpents, I wouldn't mind nibbling on Rei's 'apples'. Mike: CROW! Crow: What?? Mike: Sorry. TOM! > Usagi stared back at her in the same > manner. Tom: So now Usagi thinks *Rei* has a cute butt? Haruka: Well, she does... > Not much conversation occurred after that, > but after a short while a doctor finally came out into > the waiting room. Crow: Disgusting! It would be all sticky and everything.... > Upon seeing the doctor, Minako jumped up, and > the other girls quickly stopped their staring contest, > their attention now focusing on the white-clad man who > they hoped was out there to tell them some good news. Michiru : Good news! Both your friends died and won't have to suffer the mental scarring. Mike: I have bad news. They've been probed badly. Haruka: Usually PRTs encounter a bit of resistance, but the blue-haired one's slid right in! > Before they had a chance to ask, the doctor > spoke up, "Well, they've both been banged up pretty > bad; > they're lucky > to even still be alive. But it's amazing! It's like > most of their bodies have healed up already, and they > should be ready to go home within a couple days if > this keeps up." Tom: Almost if they were aliens killed long ago in a huge magical war and brought into the present and reincarnated into human form! Nah.... > The three girls smiled in unison as the doctor > continued. "You know, the average person, if they > survived something like the incident that happened > downtown, would probably be laid Mike: Isn't that what just happened? Crow: Mike! > up for months. Crow: being hit by a missile that killed 300 people would do that to you.... > But this is extraordinary; I've never > seen anything quite like it. Tom: Breasts made completely of tank armor! Haruka: Watch it.... > These girls are very lucky, and > are even luckier to have friends like you to wait all > this time for them." Mike: Waiting while they get violated by hordes of people.... > Hearing this, their faces filled ear-to-ear with > smiles, Crow: AGH!! Man, that was creepy.... > coupled with tears of joy over Ami's and Makoto's > condition. Tom: They've been violated and scarred for life.... we're so happy for them!! > Then Rei spoke up, "Can we see them now?" > "They're currently sleeping at the moment... > been out since around midnight. But you can go sit > with them if you really want to." Mike: IfyaknowwhatImean! > Without a word, the girls woke Christina and > dragged her into the room where Ami and Makoto lay > fast asleep. The sight was truly amazing for the > average human, such as Christina was, to see nearly > all the external wounds healed Haruka: ... yet she doesn't suspect a thing. Tom: Intelligence didn't run high in other parts of Ami's family, I see. > (such as > Makoto growing a new tit to replace the one destroyed > by the > missle), Mike: Oh, I was so worried. I just couldn't sleep at night without knowing the condition of Makoto's breast! Crow: Speak for yourself! I was horrified! > but to the Senshi it was to be expected, as the > people of the Silver Millenium Tom: ... no-sold like *crazy*! > have a healing rate > exponentially higher than that of terrestrial humans. Tom: One of those 'abilities not described in the series'. Mike: It would explain how they got to be hit by powerful energy weapons over and over without getting the least bit hurt. > But in that room all night they sat, standing > watch over the recouperating bodies of their > unconscious comrades, while they themselves were being > watched, observed by someone on the other side of a > scrying-mirror... Crow: I'm drawing a blank from both of the blondes... > T O B E C O N T I N U E D . . . Haruka: Them's fightin' words! > I hope you enjoyed all the gratuitous violence, but > there's much more to come. Much, much more! And > guess what, boys and girls... it's even gonna have a > PLOT! Crow: Man, that Serpent can really be funny when he puts his mind to it! Mike: Wait, I think he's being serious.... Crow: Oh. > Cool, huh? All: No! > Not > only lots and lots of gratuitous violence and sex (and > trust me when I say there's gonna be LOTS of sex in > it, too), All: We believe you. > but > even a real, actual storyline to tie it all together! Haruka: Hot storyline action! Mike: Come on, let's get out of here.... <1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, dogbone> MICHIRU: .... of course in the end of the fic, we see Makoto's breast regenerating, which disproves Dr. Crow's 'kevlar breast implant' theory. CROW: Drat! MICHIRU: Next up, Dr. Servo will present his 'the author just doesn't give a damn' theory. MIKE: Hey! You went over my 'phosphorus flare' theory! MICHIRU: I did? Umm... uhhh.... TOM: Never mind, the Tin Lizzie is calling. CROW: Now we'll never know the truth.... KASPAROV: Crap! The little brat got into the old Atari games! Where are you, Kornadov?? KASPAROV: So, how do you feel? Suicidal? Homicidal? MIKE: Well, I feel pretty good. HARUKA: I want to seriously dismember the FREAK, but that's just about it.... KASPAROV: Well, 'till next time then, labrats. KASPAROV: Sweet mercy! She's gotten into my 'Magic: the Gathering' collection! FWOOSH!!!