**Random MSTing - my english work from a little while ago** *Cameron , Barani , Tabi , Kasumi , Ai* *Tabitha's random thought of the day : "Never try to french-kiss a computer monitor !! It hurts yer nose ."* **** >>DETECTIVE STORY FINAL DRAFT<< Behold , my brilliant Detective Story Final Draft !! *Bored* Waiiiii . >>-Compare and constrast the effectiveness of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's 'The Speckled Band' and Roald Dalhl's 'Lamb to the Slaughter' as effective stories of the detective genre .<< Also , BEHOLD the task that was set !!! And as I move schools , THIS is what I have to look forward to ... I say screw the real world and just come on over to the Tenshi Kai ... >>'The Speckled Band' , by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle and 'Lamb to the Slaughter' by Roald Dahl are examples of fiction of the detective genre .<< Waiiiiii >> I am going to compare and constrast these two stories , in an attempt to explore if they are effective stories within this genre . << You see , this is where it'd really help if us lot had read those stories .. You don't want to . You REALLY don't want to . >>There are many elements that make up decent crime fiction , such as intriguing plots , credible villains , anticipation and suspense .<< Of course , these are elements that make up pretty much ANY story , but hey !! Blame Mrs Rafer . This is just a FRACTION of the crap we came up with in one lesson ... we filled up a whole page with a brainstorm of what crime fiction should have in it . Sounds THRILLING . >>The two stories are very different ;<< Semicolon 1 ... *Winces* Don't count the semicolons !! >> 'The Speckled Band' was written in 1892 , and 'Lamb to the Slaughter' in 1954 . These were two very different periods in time<< OBVIOUSLY >>, and I will explore the implications of this later on in this essay . I will analyse the resolution of the two plots , and explore how the two of them are different to one another . I will also empathize with the various characters , understand them , and analyze their personalities .<< She also wanted to jump their bones but she wasn't allowed . ...... eww . *Shudders* . Still , the Sherlock Holmes one had quiiiiite the bit of unintentional gay humor in it .... Oooooh , gay humor >^-^< Unintentional ? I'm a sick little puppy , and I pick these things up . Oh , okay . >>I will also assess the accessability and credability of these two stories ; how easy they are to read and understand , and how beleiveable they stories are in their settings .<< WHO FREAKIN' CARES ?!!? Mrs Rafer , obviously ... No , I mean , REALLY ? I doubt anyone out there's sitting awake at nights , trying to figure out if these stories REALLY are credible or whatever .... If the stories ain't credible , then it's in-credible to think that someone set aside the time coming UP with such questions . You'd either have to be being paid a whole lotta moolah , or just be incredibly bored ... >>-QUOTATION-<< Huh ? Oh , Miz Rafer put little comments in my book ... when I typed the thing up , I put them in so I'd remember what I had to do without looking at my book ^^ . >>'Lamb to the Slaughter' begins with Mary Maloney waiting for her husband to come home from him work ; she is pregnant , and deeply in love .<< *Lovesick sighs* >>Eventually , Patrick Maloney comes home , and reveals a terrible peice of news to her , presumable that he will leave her .<< Boo , Patrick !! Boo !! When ambiguity goes too far . >>Mary is shocked , but still inkeeping with her routine , she goes to get dinner ; a leg of lamb .<< EVERYONE *BEHOLD* THE LEG OF LAMB !!! Leg of lamb , yay !! >>She goes back to him , and whacks him over the head with the lamb in a fit of anger .<< .... oh , as you do . Y'know . >>She goes to the shop to continue her normal routine , then gets home , acting as if Patrick's death is a shock to her . She calls the police , and they come over to check things out . They don't even THINK about blaming Mary ,<< Well , that's plot contriviences for ya . If she was standing in the middle of the room with the leg of lamb going "f-f-f-f-f-f-f" , then they might have done .... Wait , wait , let me picture that .... hehehehehehh . >> and she's already put the lamb in to cook . She gets the policement to eat the leg of lamb , therefore getting them to eat the evidence .<< Well , it's something to do , I guess . Behold our wonderful magnificant british policemen , everyone . I think the story was set in the USA , Tabi . Oh , hush . Policemen are policemen . >>'The Speckled Band' starts off with Helen Stoner rushing to Homes and Watson to report on them about the mystery of her sister , Julia's , death .<< Behold- Behold behold behold . >> When Julia died , she called out about a Speckled Band , but no-one can work out what this is .<< Someone spattered paint on S Club 7 !! >> After Helen has left , her father , Dr Grimseby Roylott appears . He attempts to threaten Homes , tries to tell him to keep out of the Stoke Moran affairs , but Homes isn't disturbed .<< I wanted to use the word 'fazed' , but nooooooo , had to use DISTURBED ... same with Miz Rafer replacing "she whacked Patrick over the head in a fit of pique" ... it sounded so much better ! If you say so . I do !! >>Working out theories , Homes suggests that he and Watson spend a night in Helen's new room , the one that Julia died in .<< Ooooh , two blokes , spending the night with each other ... >^-^< Shut up , Barani . >>There's building work on Stoke Moran , so Helen was forced to move rooms . Spending the night there , Homes and Watson discover the existance of an Indian swamp adder ; this was the speckled band that killed Julia , that was trained to kill Helen , and ended up killing Roylott .<< A plotpoint that shocked and amazed no-one . >> Homes doesn't find the death of Roylott too worrying .<< Yay for Holmes . >>The two stories were written by Roald Dahl and Arthur Conan Doyle respectivly .<< As mentioned , oh , I don't know , about seventy times before ... >> The two of these lived in times much different to each other , Doyle in the 1890s , and Dahl in the 1950s . 62 years apart .<< Again , as mentioned before . Waiii to state the obvious !! ><;;; >>Arthur Conan Doyle was a Victorian .<< Boom-tish !! >> Life during this time was hard , and the class separations were particulaly defined . Conan Doyle wrote for the working masses , and his work reflects this . His most popular works were his Sherlock Homes peives ,<< "peives" ?? PEICES dammit >< *Innocently* Someone needs to install a spellchecker ... Oh , is it MY fault if Lotus Word Pro took up too much space on the HD ? *With sunglasses* Word , all the way . \/\/00t !! >>which would always have Homes and Watson , the forces of good<< Feel the force , Holmes . >>, pitted against the forces of evil . Sometimes these forces of evil were physical beings , but sometimes they could be other such mysterious cases , such as the 'phantom' dog in The Hound of the Baskervilles .<< Some phantom THAT turned out to be . It was a dog with fluorescent paint on it or something REALLY stupid like that . That's Sherlock Holmes for ya . >>His target audience obviously enjoyed these stories , idolising Homes and urging Conan Doyle to write more . Homes wasn't someone they could really identify with , but he was someone to cheer for an congratulate . Homes was seen as someone who mixed with the upperclass elite , which pleased the upperclass readers ; and he was seen fighting against evil , which is something that the middle classes could somewhat identify with .<< Bollocks , all of it !!! Wahay !! Bollocks !! Bollocks ? Bollocks !! Nothing separates a bloke and his bollocks . *Twitches* Should bloody hope not . >>Roald Dahl lived much closer to our time ; he most famously wrote for a young audience with such stories as 'The BFG' and 'Danny : Champion of the World' ,<< Jeremy Irons was in that movie ^=^ ^^;;; >>though he did a share of writing for older audiences .<< But no-one ever remembers THEM . >> Many of his successful stories have recently become feature films , such as 'The Witches' and 'Matilda' . He also wrote short stories , such as those that appeared in the collection , 'The Fantastic Tale of Henry Sugar' .<< That was one fucked-up book , fer shuuuure . >>Dahl also wrote in different styles and for different audiences , however . 'Lamb to the Slaughter' is an example of Dahl's take on the detective/crime genre .<< Waiiii >>The main characters of 'The Speckled Band' are Holmes and Watson , the detective and his sidekick . Their aim is to solve the crime and wrap it up neatly .<< ..... with a little bow !! You wouldn't beleive the restraint it took not to type that . >> However , in 'Lamb to the Slaughter' , the protagonist is Mary Maloney , the criminal . Her aim , rather than to solve the crime , is to get away with it .<< Cuz she whacked someone over the head with a leg of lamb . >> Helen Stoner is the victim in the Sherlock Holmes storiy , and we are made to sympathize with her<< *As Arthur Conan Doyle* Sympathize with her , god-dammit !! >>; she lost her sister ,<< She was last seen running the hell away from Stoke Moran . >> and now - to her knowledge or not - her stepfather , Grimseby Roylott , is planning to kill her in order to claim the money that would otherwise be hers , once she was married .<< .......... yeah . >>Interesting to note is the fact that the story initially starts with Helen's death , though this isn't exactly spelt out ; Watson , at the start , implies that he couldn't tell the story before , due to a pact of secrecy : "I have only been freed during the last month by the untimely death of the lade to whom the pledge was given" .<< Well , *I* thought it was interesting . "Lade" ? What's one of them ? Lade ... ladle !! A ladle died !! Yay !! LADY !!!! *Innocently* ... speeellllllcheeecccckkkkeeeerrrrrr ..... >>As for the victim of Dahl's story , we hardly know anything about him .<< He was a wanker . Just take our word for it . >>His name's Patrick Maloney , he's married to (the pregnant) Mary , he's a policeman , and he had some bad news to tell Mary , which was planned to be followed by their immediate separation . The details of this news isn't given , though one would assume that he was probebly having an affair .<< Cuz that's always the way these things work . Would have been interesting if it had just turned out that Patrick accidentally ran over the family cat on the way home and Mary'd killed him anyway ... >> Since the stoty is told through Mary's eyes (in a way) , we judge events from her perspective .<< Like fuck we do . We just READ THE STORY !!! In-depth analasys ... who needs it ? Fricking english teachers . Remind me never to be a teacher ... Never be a teacher ! Arigatou ! >>The news was a blow to her , she wouldn't really be able to take that in , so the story acts so . "She sat very still through it all , watching him with a kind of dazed horror as he went further and further away from her with each word" ... in this sroy ,<< Tabitha . S-T-O-R-Y . IT'S NOT HARD !!! Jeez , sroy , stoty ... So sue me !! *Sues Tabitha and makes lots of moolah* Ah , if only . >>we're made - almost forced to sympathize with Mary << Again , *Like Roald Dahl* SYMPATHIZE WITH HER , GOD-DAMMIT !! >>, who could be both a victim and a villain ; victim due to the shocking news and her situation , and villain because she killed Patrick .<< Oh my god , they killed Patrick !! You bastards !! >>The audience isn't given a chance to even think about liking this man ,<< Hey , that's not fair . Everyone has to love Patrick !! >>through what little of him we're given in the story . Dahl wants us to sympathize with Mary rather than Patrick , and so , we do .<< OKAY , I get it !! We sympathize with the characters !! Deal with it and move on !! >>In Doyle's story , we learn about each main character more or less , but this doesn't neccisarily make us feel for them more .<< *Slips down in her chair , eyes closed* >>Grimesby Roylott is the villain ,<< Waiiiii >> the one who plotted about and half-succeeded in killing both of his stepdaughters for their money , which they would otherwise take from him once they were married .<< ..... What ? It made about as much sense in the story , too . Something like , if they got married , he had to hand over a bollockload of money , and it'd leave him penniless . So he decided to bump the two girls off in order for them not to take his money . Or , uh , something like that . *Still confused* Ohkaaay ... >> Helen got engaged , which is why Roylott wished to kill her . During the start of the story , Helen tells us of Roylott's background , and so what we make of him is also based on that . He still comes across as a thoroughly unlikeable man , -USE THE QUOTATION HERE-throwing blacksmiths in fits of anger and killing his native slave in India<< FEEL the tension as Mrs Rafer INSISTS that Tabitha use the QUOTATION !!! >>... and , of course , plotting to kill his own stepdaughters . Both stories take pains to make us dislike Roylott and Patrick , Dahl's story by ambivalence , and Doyle's story by unpleasent detailing . Two methods , which both work well . (-WHYYYY ?????-)<< *Brain impodes* I DON'T FRICKING KNOW !!! I may be the most abused character in Ai No Mirai , but , damn , at least I don't have english coursework !! This sucks !! And to think , in the end , I chose the real world over the Tenshi Kai . I was insane ! Totally bonkers !! Offa my trolley !! And , uh , other oft-used well-known sayings to that effect . >>The detective element of Doyle's story is made up of Homes and Watson . Homes is there to solve the crime and find the clues , and Watson is there as a narrator to focus the purpose of the story .<< Again , Miz Rafer butchers my work . I had a whole mini-essay done up about Watson's purpose on conveying the story across to the reader in a way that we'd understand ...but nooooo , that can all go get fucked , 'cause really , he's just there as a focusing narrator >< >> (-Note , Holmes is expected to win . This is part of his mythos and skill) . In Dahl's story , the detectives are the oppostie ; bumbling and stupid , they even end up eating the murder weapon .<< But that's policemen for ya . >>Whereas Homes and Watson are the purpose of the story of 'The Speckled Band' , the police force in 'Lamb to the Slaughter' are tgere to provide a way to let Mary get away with her crime . (-How do we respond to the two different types of detectives ? It is important)<< So ? So what ? How DO we respond to the two different types of detective ? >:} *Grabs her head* I DON'T KNOOOOOW !!! >>We are aware of Roylott's mostives , and of his crime ; with Patrick Maloney , we haven't the slightest clue what his motives are ,<< Though it's probebly bonking . >>and only an inkling of his 'crime' - that he told Mary something that ended up with his death .<< He was bonking someone else !! >>(-Again , whyyyy ??? Patrick's lack of depth is important . A-fricking-gain .) Patrick's very existance seems to be ambiguous to us , the readers . However , he IS the driving force behind the story . If it wasn't for him , there wouldn't BE a story . << Then again , if you trailed every story out there back to it's beginnings , anything could be like that really . I blame the potplant !! Elrond the Potplant !! What ? .... Doesn't matter . >>The two stories are both set in two very different locations .<< One's on the shelf and other other's in the bookcase . >> 'The Speckled Band' is set in the mysterious estate of Stoke Moran , with wild Indian animals running around . 'Lamb to the Slaughter' takes place in everyday suburbia , a setting so ordinary , the story could be set almost anywhere in the world .<< Apart , obviously , from places wot don't HAVE suburbia . At least it's not duburbia . What ? My pathetic attempt at humor , don't mind me , I'll just go quietly insane . >>It could even be with us , or in our streets and houses that this story takes place . That's part of the effectiveness of the story ... we're more familiar with the setting , and so it adds that extra chill , 'That could be the guy next door and his wife ...' , or something similar .<< Really ? Wow !! I never knew stories could be so personal !! It wasn't . I was just talking bollocks . Again with the bollocks !! *Taps the side of her nose* That's one of the secrets to good grades ; talk a whole lot of bollocks , make it sound like you know whatever the hell you're on about , and , hopefully , you'll get an A grade for it . Happens to me in RE a lot . ..... boff . I'm not a boff !! That's Buckers !! *Shudder at the thought of Buckers* >> The characters contribute to this feeling . We'd hardly meet people in our lifes like Sherlock Holmes , or Grimesby Roylott ... even the names are almost foriegn to us .<< Well , I had a geography teacher in middle school called Mr Sherlock , but I guess that doesn't count . >>But people such as Patrick and Mary Maloney , they're people that we could meet . They're ordinary people , people that it's possible that we could know . Or .. be .<< *Foreboding* Dun dun DUUUUUUUUNNNNNN !!!!! >>Stoke Moran seems like a forboding kind of place .<< Really ? You wouldn't know it . Yeah , you can tell I like to go into detail ^_^ >>It's an old place , and , from the sound of things (-Quote Quote Quote , even though I haven't had a Ben Quote Boat for years) , falling apart as well , thus the need for the restoration of the parts of the house .<< Ben ... Quote ... Boat ?? The hell ?? U_U;;;;;;;;;;;;; ..... It's a Ben thing . Oh . U_U .... *kills Ben* >>This required Miss Stoner to move rooms , to the one with the deadly swamp adder within .<< It JUST SO HAPPENED to be there !! Really it did !! >>Doyle's style of writing is typically victorian . Phrases unused today , such as "Sorry to knock you up , Watson !!"<< XD XD XD XD XD I LOVE that phrase . It's just the way that Holmes walks into Watson's bedroom , and wakes him up with the phrase "Sorry to knock you up !!" ... I remember when we looked at this story in year 8 and me and Matthew Bridge almost had a hernia , we were laughing so hard about this bit . >>(-Most typical is the villains name . There are better examples of victorian writing , look at the opening . Dammit , I couldn't HELP but have this sentance in here SOMEWHERE , it's a classic !! XD)<< The last part , obviously , wasn't written by Miz Rafer . >>tend to appear in the text , the way the characters speak and the way that the story is addressed is all quite typical for Doyle , and for Victorian fiction in general .<< Waiii for Victorian Fiction . >>However , Dahl's writing has a number of interesting quirks . While the story is descriptive to the last inch of wallpaper on the walls , plain , ordinary contemporary language is used . Therefore , the following quote is somewhat curious ;<< *Strokes his chin* Cuuuuuuurrrrrrriiioooooooouuuuuuuus . >>"Her skin - for this was her sixth month with child - had aquired a wonderful translucient quality ..." It's as if , for a moment , Dahl wanders into Biblical times . "She was six months pregnant" would be more common .<< Really ??? No !! It's more "i want marks dammit" bollocks talk !! Yay !! >>It's almost as if - as it is - this fact , that she is pregnant , is a deeply important fact that we must not forget for the duration of the story .<< He could have just rammed it into us . Ooo ^_~ I wouldn't mind ramming som- *Fries Cameron with a Holy Arrow* ..... *sizzle* ..... *smoke* .... ow ..... *sizzle* >>The unusual phrase used helps this to stick in her mind ,<< SHIT there's an error I missed O_O . It's supposed to be "stick in OUR mind" .. Proofreading is your friend , Tabitha . It was 3am , I couldn't be arsed !! >>and makes her seem Madonna like ;<< Or Galadriel like . >>she must not be treated badly . The fact that she is pregnant IS an important fact , since most of her later motives are issued forth mainly with the life and circumstances of the unborn child in mind . (-QUOTE-)<< Cue the quote boat !! >>It's also interesting to note that the biblical-sounding sentance is used in conjunction with a pregnant woman called Mary ... but this could just be a coincidence . Or symbolism , prehaps ?<< BEHOLD THE BIBLICAL SYMBOLISM !! The policemen knew there was something wrong when they got to the Maloney household and found Patrick nailed to a cross . Oooh , controversial . >>Conan Doyle tends to encapsulate the general into the wording .<< The ... what ? I don't know !! Isn't it great ?? >> A character would walk past a house and the fact that they walked past a house might be noted , but not much more , unless the situation decreed it . (-And yet Doyle uses extremely powetrful descptis look at roylott's arrival , and the descrpit of Stoke Moran .)<< By this point , Tabi isn't even BOTHERING to aim her fingers at the right keys . >>However , in 'Lamb to the Slaughter' , near every detail is noted down , from Mary observing her husband sitting and drinking , as in "He had become obsolutely motionless , and he kept his head down so that the light from the lamp beside him fell across the upper part of his face , leaving the chin and mouth in shadow . She noticed there was a little muscle moving near the corner of his left eye"<< Nothing says "I Love You" as much as "I noticed that little muscle twitching near your left eye" . >>.. Mary is totally focused with her husband . Anyone could notice him sitting there , but she notices the specifics , as if taking down everything in her mind , as if noticing everything about him , and seeing how wonderful she thinks all of these things , small as they may be to anyone else , all are . Definetly the mark of someone obsessed .<< Can anyone tell that Tabitha might just be writing from experience here ? ..... ^_^;;; . *As Tabitha , with her diary* ... 09.05am . Ben arrived two minutes and thirty seconds ago . His hair's gelled , but it looks nice on him . He wasn't smiling when he came in ... gasp , I hope everything's okay with him !! Then him and Sam Schofield started throwing chairs at each other . Well , Sam threw chairs and Ben dodged them . Mr Wake walked in , but Ben didn't get in trouble , thank goodness . I'd defend him to the end if he DID get in trouble ... Ben's so wonderful , I love him SO MUCH . If only he knew how much I loved him !! Et cetarah . *Smouldering in her seat* SHUT THE HELL UP . >>'Lamb to the Slaughter' seems to be a much tighter story than 'The Speckled Band' .<< It was wearing spandex . >>Doyle's story spans all the way from the apartment of 21b Baker Street to the secluded majesty of Stoke Moran .<< ... secluded majesty ... Isn't this the same place as described as " the mysterious estate of Stoke Moran " earlier on in this essay ?? The more I read this essay , the more I'm thinking it sounds like the back cover of a videotape . It's an essay , not a book report !! >>Dahl's story takes place at the Maloney household , and Sam's nearby grocery shop , when Mary chose to take her foray there . She went here to keep in with her normal routine - routine's an important thing in 'Lamb to the Slaughter' .<< God knows , we spent long bloody enough talking about it in class . >>Mary almost seems to be stuck in a rut , apart from the fact that she enjoys the rut that she's in . She loves Patrick unconditionally , would do anything for him , and , ironically ,<< *Alanis Morisette* Isn't it ironic , doncha think ? *Buckers shows up* S'LIKE RAAAAYAAAAAYAAAAAAAAYAAAAAYYYNNNN ON YER WEDDING DAAAAIIIIIIYYYYY , S'A FREEEEEEEEEIIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE RAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIDDDDDDDEEEEEE THAAAAAAAA- SHUT THE FUCK UP !!!!! *Gets out his Soul Sword* OoOoOoOoHhHh , I wOuLdN'T mInD gEtTiNg StAbBeD bY hIs SwOrD !! *Winces* Eww ! NO-ONE TALKS TO MY CAMA-SAMA LIKE THAT !!! *Leaps on Buckers and mauls her to death* *waves flags and banners around* *Throws confetti* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY !!!! >> ends up killing him . I found it intriguing to notice how her initial performance to Sam the shopkeeper was choreographed ; "'Hullo Sam' , she said brightly , aloud .<< Master Frodo !! Wrong Sam , Kasumi . Nicole ? Papa !! *Hums the tune* >>The voice sounded peculiar too . 'I want some potatoes please , Sam ..."<< The dialogue's just killer . >>It's interesting to note that , when she goes into the shop , she answers just how she practiced . He asks her how she is , she responds with what she'd practised , her order . Dahl could have been attempting to show Mary's unease here ; << .... Or not . >>that was what she'd practiced , and she was sticking to it . But oddly enough , Sam doesn't seem to notice this . So it's okay ; Mary's only tiny slipup went unnoticed .<< Yay for Mary . Tony .. gives blood . ... ... ... YAY FOR TONY XD >>At the end of Doyle's story , I think that the audience are supposed to be a little shocked at the fact that Holmes feels no remorse at being inadvertantly responsible for Roylott's death . (-Quote that bit from the end of the speckled band , "I feel no remorse at the wanker's death" etck)<< Umm , I'll take it as read that Mrs Rafer didn't write that bit . >> In Dahl's story , the same for when Mary Maloney hears the police talking , and her reaction ... "And in the other room , Mary Maloney began to giggle ."<< The ironicness of it all kills me . >>It's almost as if her tears and worry from before are gone . In a way , they are , since the policemen just are the murder weapon .<< ... The policemen are the murder weapon ?? Really ?!? Do they KNOW this ?? ATE !! ATE !! THEY ATE THE MURDER WEAPON !! It's a good thing that you did the 2nd Final Draft on a laptop with a spellchecker , isn't it ? Immensly . >>But it doesn't change things ; Patrick , her love , is dead !!<< And so sad violins were played , and banshees screamed , and wolves howled . T'was a sad time for all . >>However , it WAS implied that he was going to leave her ... I think that Mary's thoughts ran along the understandable lines of , even if only subconciously , "If I can't have him , then no-one else should be able to either !!" , a sentiment that I hold to . << Again , might Tabi be talking from experience here ? The less said about my daydreams that involved kidnapping Ben and locking him in my basement , the better . We wern't the ones who mentioned them !! At all !! ... You don't HAVE a basement , Tabitha .. That's how come the plan wouldn't work , y'see . .... oh . >>So , in the end , are 'The Speckled Band' and 'Lamb to the Slaughter' effective stories of the crime/detective genre ?<< And , really , do we care ? Does ANYONE care ? Really ? >>I think so .<< Well , I don't !! Cameron , at this point , I'd be inclined to agree with you about the book report thing . >>Both contain the vital elements , a victum ,<< *Opens her mouth* YES I KNOW it should be victim . Tabitha's so quick ... >>Patrick and Helen , a villain , Mary and Roylott (although I wouldn't really class these two together) , etectives ,<< DEtectives , I meant . >>Homes << Who's homes ? Holmes's homes !! .... I give up . >>and the policemen , a crime , tension , a twist in the end .<< And a yank in the bollocks . Ding ! >>Dahl's story was somewhat different to the usual offerings of the genre . It's tightness ,<< *Sings softly* Like a viiiiirgiiin .... *Has a spasm* Y'know what 'spasm' sounds like ? I'm sure we don't want to know , Ai ^_^ >>the fact that it only spanned over two or three locations at the most , the sheer ordinaryness<< Tabi picks her words with lightning prescision . >>of Patrick and Mary and their home , Mary's routines . However , I think that these details helped to improve the story .<< Or not . It's not really like anyone really CARES . >>I am not a fan of the genre in general ,<< The personal touch , everyone . >>but I enjoyed the story and it's twists , and in the end , that's primarily why authors write fiction , to have people enjoy their stories , isn't it ?<< ..... ..... ..... .... >>~Fin~<< ..... And that's supposed to get you an A/A* , is it ? Wheeee . >>-All paragraphs must be indicated when hand written .<< But it isn't hand-written , is it ? Hah !! >>Try to avoid the use of elipses (.....) - it's a device to use rarely and sparsely<< This made more sense in the written version ... I put them between almost every few words in the first draft . >>You've not looked at the issue of clues/red herrings/challange to the (something she wrote I can't make out , something like 'index deep') to solve the clues before the detective<< Oooo , and WHY was this , Tabitha ? .... I really didn't care . >>Your use of quotation needs keeping up<< Bow to quotation , for it is your MISTRESS !! Oooh , crack of the whip ... >>Otherwise this is fine - very promising<< Very promising ... also very boring . I'm glad I'm not a teacher , marking millions of such things so often ... ugh , I'd go insane !! Is that it , can we go now ? Looks like it . YAY ! *The End*