Chapter 11 "The Kiss" ~ Entry 48: "I can't breathe..." Suboshi I can't believe this... I can't believe what I did to him. I was just talking to him, and what do I end up doing? Something one brother should never do to another, no matter how close. Amiboshi was worrying again, about the war, about everything...and I was trying to reassure him, but deep down I was just as scared...and we were just talking, when out of nowhere I...I felt this surge of fear, and love...I kept thinking about how we'd lost 3 Seishi already, and 2 of the Suzaku Seishi were dead. "Anyone could be next", my mind kept telling me, "even you...or your brother..." This scared me so much, I-I couldn't think straight, and out of nowhere, I...I grabbed him and...and... I kissed him. On the lips. Not passionately, but in a way brothers were never meant to kiss! His eyes widened, and he sprang back, just...staring at me... "Otouto..." he said...before he could say anything else, I ran off. It had begun to rain, and I didn't even realize I was crying until the raindrops tasted salty. He must be disgusted with me now that the shock has had time to wear off. I don't blame him. Aniki...I-I'm so sorry...more than I've ever been... I'm so sorry... *sobs* F-Forgive me... Entry 49: "I can't speak..." Amiboshi I still can't get over this...what happened last night. I haven't been able to think straight all day, I can't eat, I couldn't sleep last night... He...did something to me that I've fantasized about doing to him... We were just talking, and out of nowhere he... He grabbed me and...kissed me. His lips pressed against mine. He held me close, like one would hold a lover. I know he's straight! So why the hell would he be kissing a guy, let alone his own brother?! I don't know what to think... I enjoyed it, but I just...c-can't let myself believe it, this is supposed to be wrong! *collapses to the bed, trembling* Damn it all... I-I'm so sorry, otouto. Entry 50: "He still won't talk to me" Suboshi And I don't blame him. How could I have done such a thing? I'm so stupid. I'm repeating the same cliche stuff over and over again, but it's all I can think right now. I wouldn't blame Amiboshi if he avoided me for the rest of our lives. *fights back tears* If I could just turn back time...! Entry 51: "...Could he...?" Amiboshi I'm beginning to wonder if...my fears are needless... Suboshi and I were talking earlier, and said the one I loved would hate me if he ever knew. He said that...he'd not only NOT hate me...but he'd feel much better knowing that I loved him. He put his arms around me and said I was wonderful...and that he could never hate me for ANYTHING as long as he lived. I got this strange feeling from his embrace...it was so...warm, so...loving... *sighs* Could Suboshi's love...really be the same as my love? Entry 52: "H-He knows..." Suboshi Earlier...he said "Otouto...I love you, and...I know...or at least think I know what you've been thinking about lately...I-I know, these feelings of mine are just...weird and I'll try and get over them unless...you don't mind." Then he mumbled something about not making any sense whatsoever, hugged me, said he was sorry, and ran off. He still isn't back...*sighs* I'm randomly thinking about Yui-sama...I still care for her even though we never were meant to be... We did talk last night and I think she knows what's going on between Amiboshi and I..."You can't hide from him much longer, Suboshi. If you guys don't talk soon you'll both end up miserable!", she said...*sigh* She's right. I guess...if he sort of knows anyway what's the point in hiding from him anymore? Aniki...I'm not going to run away anymore... Entry 53: "Sad news, and the moment of truth" Amiboshi I...regret saying this, but Soi is gone. She died heroically in a battle against the Suzaku Seishi. Tasuki tried to kill Yui with a borrowed sword, and Soi...got in the way. Needless to say, Yui's beyond heartbroken. She's been crying all night. *sighs* In other news...it's pretty obvious Suboshi knows about my feelings for him. He said...we needed to talk...and that he couldn't stand running away any longer... *sighs* He's waiting for me. *swallows a lump forming in his throat* The moment of truth...will be reject me? Will he accept me even if he can't love me back the same way? Yes, there's the .001% chance he might feel the same way...but I'm not lucky... Please...a-at least...accept me and stay with me even if you can't feel the same way...otouto...