Chapter 2 "The Sting of Unrequited Love" ~ Entry 7: "I'm a coward" Suboshi I tried to tell Yui-sama how I felt about her, like I planned...but I didn't. I was afraid, I kept seeing images of her rejecting me, telling me off, slapping me, saying I had no right to 'save her from loneliness'... refusing to believe I really and truly love her. It just makes me so angry to see her pining away for someone she can't have. Anyone causing her so much pain doesn't deserve her. Meanwhile, I love her, I'd never hurt her, and she doesn't care. Aniki says unrequited love hurts most when the person you love is kind to you, but won't love you back... I envy him so. He's never seen the one he loves crying over someone they can't have, and felt frustrated as hell knowing he just wasn't enough, that he just couldn't do anything to take away her pain. It isn't just Yui-sama. I hate seeing anyone I care about in pain... I heard Amiboshi crying softly to himself last night, over Miaka...I held him in my arms and told him it was all right, that I would be here for him and I was sorry for being so distant. But I had this uncontrollable urge to hurt Miaka, enemy miko or not. She's causing my brother pain, and I'm sick of it. I'm sick of seeing the 2 most important people in my life hurting and not being able to do anything about it. Entry 8: "You think I don't know?" Amiboshi Otouto, every time I see you looking miserable over our miko, I want to cry. And not just because I can feel your pain through our link...because you're my brother, and I care about you. Every time I see you sighing and pining away for Yui-sama, I want to hold you in my arms and erase your sadness. But you just tell me to go away and leave you alone... Otouto...I'm sorry we're not as close as we once were. I'd give anything to get that back. Anything...you're all I've got left. *closes his eyes, a tear slipping down his cheek* Entry 9: "Why?" Suboshi Why did I have to fall in love with someone who will never love me back? Yui-sama continues to ignore me in favor of sighing over her unrequited love. I don't understand. Why does she only have eyes for the forbidden one? Why can't she at least let me hold her while she cries? It doesn't even help that I don't know who she's in love with. It'd be easier if I knew who to strangle for causing her pain. But that wasn't as bad as earlier tonight. Amiboshi was sobbing into his pillow and mumbling that he was a freak, that he had no right to fall in love with someone off-limits. More than ever I want to kill that Suzaku no Miko, while her Seishi look on in horror. Damn them! I'll never forgive them...for stealing my brother away from me. I overheard him wishing he'd been a Suzaku Seishi last night...it's like he's abandoning me in favor of them and their stupid miko! And leaving me here with the bastard, the face-painted freak, the wolf-man, the bitch, the unknown, and my unrequited love! Why?! Why did you abandon me this way, aniki? No wonder I've fallen deeply in love with Yui-sama...we're so much alike. We both were abandoned by the ones we thought cared for us... But I can't bring myself to hurt my aniki...or blame him...I know who to blame for all this. Miaka and the Suzaku Seven. ...No. I blame Nakago. The bastard. Manipulative, sadistic, cold-hearted BASTARD. No wonder Soi's such an angry bitch all the time. They seem to be lovers. But I've seen him. Tomo drools over him like some psychotic fool, and Nakago apparently doesn't mind...that low-life, two-timing bastard. Either he's stringing both of them along, or he's using Soi while he's really in love with Tomo...and considering how those 2 act around one another... No wonder. I may not like Soi a whole lot, but she deserves better. *sigh* I'd better just go to sleep. Aniki...please forgive my anger in this entry. I'm so sorry, it's just... it hurts so much, thinking you're drifting away from me... I love you, aniki. Entry 10: "I'm a freak" Amiboshi As if being in love with the enemy miko wasn't bad enough. I've come to a horrible realization about myself. I am a freak. A twisted, abnormal, mentally ill, incestuous freak. Yes, you heard me right. Incestuous. I...I've developed romantic feelings...for... Suboshi. My brother. My own flesh and blood. How?! Why?! This is wrong, this is more than wrong! It's unnatural...but I can't stop feeling this way. And no matter how hard I try to hide it from him, we're linked...and if he finds out... Well, what would you think if your own twin brother was in love with you?! Wouldn't you be disgusted?! Suboshi will be. I can just see him...those eyes, filled with sheer hatred and disgust, contempt...the sting of his palm across my cheek...his voice, screaming at me to stay the hell away from him... *shudders and crumbles to the ground in tears* Otouto...f-forgive me...