Chapter 7 "Death, Anger, and Fear" ~ Entry 27: "No words" Suboshi I can't even speak right now. I wish I had done more than merely slap him. If I said I hated Nakago before, it was an understatement. I learned the depths of my hatred for him just an hour earlier. I found him, standing before the trembling form of my brother. Mocking him, telling him what a useless traitor he was, slapping him...I-I just... stormed in there and...*clenches fists* I wanted to kill him right then and there. I wanted him dead...but when I saw my aniki trembling, on his knees, fighting back tears...I couldn't waste time fighting that bastard Nakago. I slapped him, told him off, and sent him slinking away muttering about noble idiots... I held Amiboshi in my arms as he cried...stroking his hair, telling him I never wanted to see him in pain and tears... *looks down as his brother's sleeping form and smiles slightly* Aniki...I love you so much. I'd protect you with my very life...I'll never let anyone hurt you, ever again. Sleep well, itoshii aniki... *places a light kiss to his brother's forehead* Entry 28: "Torn" Suboshi Guess I haven't forgotten her after all. I still love her. Even if she never speaks to me anymore...remembering my dream, the intimacy I shared with her... I can't just let go of my feelings for her. But...I love my aniki. You can't be in love with more than one person, can you? I know I'd never abandon Amiboshi, ever...but I'd never abandon Yui-sama either. My dream...Amiboshi fell into the bastard's clutches, and Yui-sama was kidnapped... I'm torn between them...and if the dream is a message from the fates... I'm going to lose them both. ...*shudders, tears filling his eyes* No! I won't even think about that, I can't! Even if neither one of them loves me back...as long as aniki never leaves me again...and Yui-sama can forgive me and accept me as someone who cares... That's all I ask. All I ask. Entry 29: "Death" Amiboshi There was a death earlier today... Ashitare has killed a Suzaku Seishi. The violet-haired one...Nuriko, I believe his name was. I didn't know him very well...yet I still feel terrible for Miaka and the others. Rumor has it the bandit Seishi actually cried. And Ashitare's been presumed dead as well. At least we can assume...Nakago wouldn't tell us anything. I feel bad more for the death of Nuriko than Ashitare, though. Proving once again what a traitor I am. I mean, I don't feel like I should be mourning Ashitare. I don't think anyone is. It's that I feel sad over the death of an enemy Seishi. Or maybe... Now that someone has actually died, enemy or not... I'm realizing just how afraid I am. Afraid that anyone else could be dead tomorrow. ... Suddenly I feel so very cold. Otouto... *eyes well with tears* Entry 30: "Nocturne" Amiboshi tatakai no aida no shizuka na machi ga tsuka no ma no nemuri ni ochite-iku tooi hoshi no shita de yume miru kimi ni inori wo kome MERODI-todoke you The quiet city in the midst of battle falls into a brief slumber. I'll send a prayer-filled melody to where you dream underneath the far-away stars. koko e oide yo kanashii koto mo namida mo boku ga daite ageru yo subete no itami wo wasurerareru made Come over here. I'll hold your sadness and your tears for you until you forget all the pain. arasoi ikiru no ga tsuyosa dattara yowai to iwarete mo kamawanai doushite hito wa kizutsukeau no aisuru chikara kitto aru no ni dare demo hitori ja samishii hazu na no ni If strength is living in conflict Then I don't care if they call me weak. Why do people hurt each other? Even though there's certainly strength in loving... Even though anyone would be lonely alone... koko e oide yo tsukareta ai wo kokoro wo boku ga daite ageru yo subete no itami wo wasurerareru made oyasumi oyasumi boku no kono mune de Come over here. I'll hold your worn out love, your heart until you forget all the pain. Goodnight, goodnight... On my chest -- For you, otouto...and for Miaka-san. The one I love and the one whose kindness I'll always treasure... Entry 31: "I feel sick..." Amiboshi My head aches and I've had a sinking uneasy feeling all day...ever since I learned of Nuriko's death...I'm just scared, worried about everything. Suboshi's barely said much to me...ever since I admitted I was more sad to hear of Nuriko's death than that of one of our own. It's the principle of the thing, after all. Even if Nuriko was much more human and not as scary as Ashitare, he was an enemy. The others still call me a traitor, a useless idiot...a false Seishi... I have this...terrible feeling the war won't be over...until...almost everyone is dead. ...I need to lie down...*clutches his head* Entry 32: "Aniki!" Suboshi I'm sorry...I've been so selfishly caught up in my own fears and angst...I didn't mean to ignore you. You're not a traitor! I know you hate this...I know you'd rather be with them than NAKAGO'S army... Yet you continue to stay here. For me. *eyes fill with tears* I'm sorry, aniki...I sold my soul to the bastard because I lost my mind...and now... *closes his eyes* I'll get us out of this...no matter what. I'll never let anyone hurt you again, aniki...