"Hidden feelings and guilt" 
        by Sara Jaye 


        Okay, if you thought my last story was sad, you aint seen nothing yet. X_x I 
came up with this short, dark little piece a few hours ago. I've just been 
really messed up lately for some reason...I blame it on the terrible hours I've 
kept the last week (Not sleeping till sunrise, not getting up till 3pm. I 
actually went to bed at 7am the previous sunday morning. O_o). That, and one of 
my best friends was depressed and I was not only unable to help, but I kept 
bringing up my own problems...some friend I am. -_- Why is it that every time 
my friends are depressed, I not only feel terrible, but I end up depressed 
myself?! O_o I swear, I'm not human...no human emphathizes THIS well. At least 
not to my knowledge... 
        Anyway, I better end this author's note before I get worse. ^^;; A final note, 
this is a very dark, depressing story, so...if you're already depressed, I 
advise you not to read further. Or if you don't want to ruin the great mood 
you're in. ^^;; 


[Disclaimers: Sailor Moon is the property of Naoko Takeuchi and Toei animation. 
None of the characters belong to me. 
This story is yaoi, pretty depressing, and rather morbid, so if that kind of 
thing bothers you, you may want to close this window. Otherwise, enjoy! ^_^] 


                                ~ 


        He kept running. He didn't care where to, he just had to get away from 
everything. From his so-called friends, from the self-absorbed queen who hated 
him more than the lowliest youma, from his life. Nothing mattered anymore. 
Nothing. 
        He'd suspected this for quite awhile now, but just moments ago, it had been 
confirmed for him. The only glimmer of hope left in his otherwise meaningless 
life was gone. No one needed to tell him so. He just knew. 
        Kunzite had found out the truth. How he felt. How much he loved him...and he 
would never speak to him again. 
        "I knew very well he could never love me. It was foolish of me to even hope 
so. Now that he knows what I'm really like, that I'm in love with him, he must 
hate me." 
        Zoisite finally stopped running when he was sure he was far away enough, then 
sank to the ground, his shoulders heaving with every breath. Hot tears poured 
down his cheeks. 
        "Whatever I had left to live for is gone...there's no point in continuing 
anymore." 
        He drew his sword and pointed it towards his chest. 
        "In just one moment...it will all be over...all my pain..." 
        He drew in a deep breath, bringing it closer. Just one more inch- 
        "Zoisite!" 
        A loud voice shouting his name caused the sandy-blonde haired man to drop the 
sword. His head whipped around, and saw a tall, silver-haired man running 
towards him. 
        Great, Zoisite thought. The person I really don't want to see. 
        "What in Metallia's name are you doing out here so late, Zoisite?" Kunzite 
stepped over to the smaller man and rested a hand on his shoulder, but Zoisite 
shrugged him off and said nothing, just picked up his sword again. 
        "Zoisite? Are you okay?" 
        "Why do you care?" Zoisite snapped coldly. And why should he care? 
Kunzite-sama has more important things to worry about than stupid old me, he 
thought as he brought the sword back to its previous position, pointing at his 
chest. 
        "Zoisite, look...I..want to apologize for my reaction before...when I found 
your journal...I...was just shocked. I didn't know you felt that way." 
        "Fine." Zoisite refused to look at the older man, edging the sword closer to 
his chest. It was then that Kunzite noticed the sword's handle...and what 
Zoisite was about to do. 
        "Zoisite?!" The silver-haired general was completely shocked. This wasn't like 
Zoisite. Zoisite seemed more the kind to get revenge on the other person rather 
than commit suicide. But then again, he'd just realized awhile ago that he 
didn't know Zoisite at all. Zoisite wasn't just some biting, sarcastic, 
vindictive person who snapped at everyone. He was a very sensitive, wounded, 
lonely man who just wanted someone to love him... 
        More specifically, he wanted Kunzite to love him. Unfortunately, Kunzite was 
still confused about his feelings...but even so, he couldn't let Zoisite kill 
himself. 
        "Put down the sword, Zoisite," he said, trying to remain calm. 
        "No. I don't care anymore. Nothing matters." 
        "Please..." 
        "You don't care. You hate me. I know you hate me. Everyone else hates me so 
why shouldn't you? Just go away..." 
        "No. I can't leave you alone, Zoisite. Don't do this. It isn't worth it." 
        "Why?" 
        Kunzite sighed. Enough of this stupid confusion, he thought. It's now or 
never. 
        "Because I love you. I don't want you to die." 
        Zoisite blinked. Had he heard Kunzite correctly? He loved him? 
        No. It couldn't be. Why would he? 
        "You don't mean that." 
        "Of course I do." 
        "You can't mean it. Why would you love me? Why would anyone love me? I'm 
useless. 
        "Zoisite, please." 
        "You don't love me. I know you don't. Now that you know what I'm really like," 
Zoisite said, his voice beginning to break. "Just leave me alone!" He got up 
and ran away from the silver-haired man, his sword held at his side. 
        "Zoisite, wait!" Kunzite shouted, running after the smaller general. He had to 
catch up with him...he had to stop him before it was too late. 'How could I be 
so stupid? How could I be so blind?' he thought. Running as fast as he could, 
he prayed he would get to Zoisite before it was too late... 
        Unfortunately, he couldn't run fast enough. He got to Zoisite alright...just 
in time to be too late. 
        "No...!" 
        Zoisite was lying in a crumpled heap on the ground, unmoving. His sword driven 
into his chest. Kunzite felt sick at the sight of the blood staining the gray 
jacket of his would-have-been love... 
        "Oh Zoisite..." he whispered as he fell to his knees beside his companion's 
body. His silver eyes tearing, he slowly removed the sword from Zoisite's chest 
and gathered the fallen general in his arms. "I'm so sorry..." he choked, tears 
running down his face. 
        If only he had told him sooner...if only he had noticed something was 
wrong...then maybe he would have been able to save Zoisite... 
        But now he was too late. 


                                ~ 


        Kunzite awoke drenched in sweat. His heart raced, pounding so hard he thought 
it would burst out of his chest. 
        "It was just a dream..." he whispered, very relieved. Quietly, he got out of 
bed and slipped down the hall to Zoisite's bedroom. Fortunately, the door was 
open a bit. He stepped in as quietly as he could, not wanting to disturb 
Zoisite's sleep. He was even more relieved to see the smaller man's shoulders 
rise and fall with each breath as he slept. Thank Kami-sama, Kunzite thought as 
he stood by Zoisite's beside. 
        "I'm sorry...I'm so sorry, Zoisite..." he whispered, brushing his fingers 
through Zoisite's ponytail. "I never meant to hurt you in any way." He leaned 
over and softly kissed Zoisite's forehead before he slipped out of the room. 
        Right then he swore to himself he would tell Zoisite how he felt. The first 
chance he got the next day. He couldn't let his nightmare come true. 


                                ~End~ 


        I need to get my sleep habits back in check. Then maybe I won't end up writing 
this kind of stuff. ^^;;; Anyway...I swear, my next story will be lighter than 
this one. ^^;; 
        Ja ne! 


Sara Jaye, holder of the Magic Pool Cue. 
~I don't suffer from insanity.I enjoy every minute of it.~